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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27287536">The Light in the Darkness</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/polverine/pseuds/polverine'>polverine</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Domestic Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Grief/Mourning, Harry Potter Gets the Love He Deserves, I promise there will be lots of cute little Harry to make up for the angst, Past James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Past Sirius Black/Marlene McKinnon - Freeform, Sirius Black Raises Harry Potter</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 17:33:41</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>69,042</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27287536</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/polverine/pseuds/polverine</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>The British Ministry have, today, contacted their European counterparts to aid in the search for suspected Death Eater, Sirius Black. Black is wanted for questioning in connection to the murder of James and Lily Potter, and the abduction of their one-year-old son, Harry...</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sirius Black arrives at Godric's Hollow on Hallowe'en to find his friends dead but his godson miraculously alive in the ruins of their family home. Harry is now his responsibility, and he will do everything in his power to keep him safe and give him the best life he can.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Sirius Black &amp; Andromeda Black Tonks, Sirius Black &amp; Harry Potter, Sirius Black &amp; Nymphadora Tonks, Sirius Black &amp; Remus Lupin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>105</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>168</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. London</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Thank you so much to my beta, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/more1weasley/profile">More1Weasley</a>, for all the help. I really appreciate it!!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sirius had woken with Marlene’s screams echoing around the inside of his skull. It was his usual nightmare. He’d not been there the night that she’d been killed, so his sleeping mind had taken to playing out a multitude of possibilities, each more horrific than the last. He badly wanted a drink, but after Lily had seen the state of him, he’d promised her that he would stop drinking when he was feeling like this. It was already four in the afternoon, he’d slept most of the day away, but what did it matter? It had been a late one last night, he’d been tailing Bella and he’d not returned until the early hours of the morning. That was all this was… It wasn’t that he didn’t <em>want</em> to be awake, he’d just been tired.</p>
<p>He didn’t want to be awake. He didn’t want to be asleep either. He didn’t <em>want</em> anything anymore…</p>
<p>Everyday he told himself that today would be the day he returned to the flat. And everyday he backed down like a coward. He’d been at Grimmauld Place for months now, he’d never in his wildest dreams imagined that this house of horrors would be preferable, but the idea of walking around the home he had shared with Marlene was unbearable. The bed was probably still a mess from the quickie they’d had that afternoon. Her lipstick stained mug was probably still in the sink. </p>
<p>No. Returning to their home would destroy him…and there wasn’t enough left of him to survive it. </p>
<p>An unease settled in him as he walked aimlessly through the halls of Grimmauld Place, still unsure of what to do with himself. A disquiet quite unrelated to Marlene — though as each minute dragged on, it was as though he could feel her, standing just out of sight. Why had he promised Lily to lay off the booze? </p>
<p>Sirius crept past his mother’s portrait and went down to the kitchen, though the unease was crushing his appetite. He supposed he could visit Moony; he needed to keep an eye on him… Someone was betraying them, someone was selling them all out. He’d tried, desperately, not to believe that of Remus, and yet there was definitely someone passing information to Voldemort…</p>
<p>It was too late in the day, really, to go and see Lily and James. They’d be annoyed if he got Harry all excited before bed. Wasn’t that the godfather’s prerogative, though? Wind the child up and then give him back to his parents just in time for them to not be able to put him to bed without tantrums.</p>
<p>“Shoo.” He muttered to Kreacher and the elf gave a sarcastic bow and left the room — probably to go and complain once more to the portrait about his return. He didn’t <em>want</em> to be here… He just didn’t know where else to go. He was pretending that it was fine, when Prongs or Moony or Wormtail asked. Pretending that he didn’t mind being here all alone, afterall his parents were dead now, they couldn’t hurt him anymore. But he did mind. He <em>hated</em> this house. Maybe if Marlene had lived, they could have done something with it, maybe even made it a home if she’d really wanted it. She’d had the incredible ability of lighting up any room just with her smile. </p>
<p>“I’ll spend the rest of my life here if I can have her back.” He bargained to no one in particular. There was no response but the aching silence.  </p>
<p>He was just <em>so tired</em>. And it wasn’t the kind of tired sleep could fix.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>***</p>
</div>Something was wrong, he could feel it in his bones. He raked a hand through his hair and looked around the kitchen. Marlene had never felt closer, it was like she was trying to warn him about… something... As though she was standing just behind him, but every time he looked over his shoulder, she wasn’t there. Of course she wasn’t.<p>“She’s dead.” He told himself firmly. </p>
<p>Yet, he couldn’t escape that sense of foreboding. Maybe it was just the house, playing tricks with his mind. He should get out for a while, visit Moony or Wormtail. And Peter had seemed so off yesterday. Nervous, jumpy. More so than usual anyway. But it was better this way. No one in their right mind would think that Lily and James would have made Peter their secret keeper. It was a stroke of genius, even if he did say so himself. The assumption would be Sirius, and Voldemort could do whatever he liked to him and he wouldn’t reveal where they were… not that he ever would. </p>
<p>Even so, Peter had seemed so off. He should check on him again. </p>
<p>“I’m going out.” He told Kreacher. Sirius pulled on his jacket and grabbed the keys to his bike from the hallway side table. Out in the dark street he kicked it into life and shot off in the direction of Wormtail’s hiding place. He’d moved him down to London because he wanted him closer, to keep an eye on him. It wasn’t much, a ground floor bedsit — no wonder the man was getting antsy. He pulled up outside and walked around the side of the building. It was dark in Peter’s place and Sirius’s sense of foreboding increased, he was supposed to be here; Peter was supposed to let him know if he planned to go out. The kitchen window was open slightly, and he pushed it the rest of the way.</p>
<p>“Pete!” He called. Nothing. He wouldn’t fit through as a man, so he turned into the dog and jumped through, only just making it. It took him no time at all to know that Peter was gone. Something was wrong. He’d not been forced out; everything was tidy and he’d cleared out his stuff. Sirius turned back into himself and left through the front door. Peter had just got scared and moved, that was all. He’d just got scared… and Peter scared so easily. He took off on his bike, it was dark enough to fly it to Godric’s Hollow. He had to check that Lily and James were okay. Panic was bubbling up so thick and fast that it was getting hard to squash it back down. </p>
<p>They were fine. He’d get there and they’d laugh at him for overreacting. Call him a worrier and have him put Harry to bed while he whined and cried that he wanted to play with the dog. </p>
<p><em>They were fine.</em> </p>
<p>Even as he told himself this, fear clawed at his insides, choking him, making it hard to breathe. He urged his bike faster and it protested slightly at the speed. It was bitter cold up in the air. He should have apparated, he hated the sensation, but he should have apparated. </p>
<p>Sirius spotted their house as he started to descend and it was a miracle that he didn’t crash. </p>
<p><em>No.</em> </p>
<p>The Potters’ cottage was destroyed. The once quaint and pretty dwelling was barely recognisable. Sirius staggered off his bike and gripped hold of their garden gate. He knew what he was going to find inside, it was like finding the McKinnons all over again. The front door was splintered. </p>
<p>
  <em>No. No. No.</em>
</p>
<p>He could see James’s bare foot. He was in the hallway, just like Nicole had been — James’s little Nik Nak — had they both known what was awaiting them moments before it happened, or had it been a shock?</p>
<p>Peter had sold them out. </p>
<p>Sirius stumbled forwards and fell to his knees at James’s side. “<em>James</em>.” He groaned, gripping the front of his shirt, burying his face in the fabric. Not again, he couldn’t do this again. His first friend. His best friend. How was he supposed to…</p>
<p>He was in the doorway. He’d tried to buy Lily some time to escape, he knew it. James would trade his life for Lily and Harry without hesitation. Sirius straightened James’s glasses and kissed his cheek. At least he’d be back with Marley, he’d not been the same since she’d—</p>
<p>“Tell her I…” He started to whisper, but he couldn’t bring himself to finish. </p>
<p>
  <em>Lily and Harry.</em>
</p>
<p>The house was too quiet, and Sirius’s heart plummeted another thousand feet. He couldn’t face it, he couldn’t go up there. If they’d not escaped, if they were…</p>
<p>And then he heard Harry cry. The most beautiful sound he’d ever heard in his whole miserable life. <em>Harry was alive</em>. Sirius bolted up the stairs. Harry’s bedroom door was open, the room was a mess — half destroyed — but Harry was standing in his crib, clutching the bars. <em>Alive</em>. At the sight of Sirius his crying stopped. </p>
<p>Sirius registered Lily on the floor in front of Harry’s crib and his heart shattered — what was left of it. She’d tried to shield him. Brave and wonderful Lily. Hot tears spilled down his cheeks. He picked Harry up and held him close, breathing him in. He was fine, he was perfect — except for the cut on his forehead — but, amazingly, he was okay.</p>
<p>“I’ve got you.” He whispered against his hair, sinking to the floor. “Sirius is here now, and I’ll never leave you.” He promised, cupping the back of his head. He hoped that he would never remember any of this. He was so young, so little... He shouldn’t remember, but some traumas had a way of sticking... </p>
<p>“I’ll keep him safe, Lily.” He murmured, reaching over to brush the hair off of her face. He hugged Harry tighter to him. “It’s going to be okay. I’ll take you home… Get that horrible cut cleaned up.” Sirius didn’t know <em>how</em> Harry had survived, but he didn’t care. He was alive and that was the important thing. “It’s you and me now, kid.” He could take care of him, he could raise him. He was going to give him the best life he could, and when he got a little older he’d tell him all about his parents, about how brilliant and brave they were. How deeply they had loved him. </p>
<p>They’d be just fine as long as they had each other.</p>
<p>“I just need to put you down so I can pack some things for you.” He whispered, but he didn’t move. He wasn’t ready to put him down yet. After a few moments though, it registered how exposed they were here, how unsafe. He set Harry back in the crib, his arms feeling painfully empty, and took a bag from the wardrobe. It was too small to fit much of Harry’s stuff, so he drew his wand and muttered “<em>capacious extremis</em>.” He just hoped he’d done it right, hoped that it would hold. James was always better at Charms. His heart clenched painfully at the thought. </p>
<p>Sirius moved quickly through the house, packing the one year old’s belongings, trying not to look at Lily and James. Sirius also gathered together some of his friends' possessions… Things Harry might like when he was older: photographs, trinkets, letters, anything he could find that would be useful to Harry or simply hold sentimental value  — it took him a little longer to find their wands, neither had been armed when they’d died… </p>
<p>He had to keep it together. He needed to get his godson out of here. Sirius put Harry’s coat over his pyjamas and placed him in the baby sling before attaching it to himself. He waved his wand and the crib disassembled and packed itself into the bag. Aurors would be here soon, they’d take care of Lily and James. Sirius would’ve waited for them, he <em>should</em> wait for them, and he didn’t want to leave his friends here alone, but... he had Harry to think about now.</p>
<p>“I’m going to take you home.” He whispered against Harry’s hair. Sirius zipped his jacket up around Harry to try and protect him as best he could from the cold, took one last look at James — swallowing down the lump in his throat with great difficulty  — and mounted his bike once more. Lily and James would kill him if they were still...</p>
<p>Harry was <em>absolutely not allowed on his bike</em>. Much less up in the air. </p>
<p>He had to keep it together. He had to keep it together. He had to keep it together. </p>
<p>It felt even colder flying back to London, or maybe <em>he</em> just felt colder. He couldn’t let himself think about Lily and James, he couldn’t let himself dwell on their last moments. </p>
<p>
  <em>Shit. The cat.</em>
</p>
<p>It was too late now, he’d have to go back and look for him tomorrow; he’d see if Moony or Mary could sit with Harry for a little bit. Gary could fend for himself for one night…if he’d survived the attack, that was…</p>
<p>“We’ve just got to make a quick stop at Grimmauld Place, then we can go back to the flat. Do you remember the flat?” Sirius asked Harry, even if he hadn’t fallen asleep, he probably wouldn’t be able to hear him over the rush of wind. It didn’t matter though, he just needed to keep talking. If he kept talking he could keep his mind busy. “Yeah, maybe not. You were probably too little the last time you were there. It’s going to be a bit of a mess. I’ve not been able to go back since—” He broke off quickly, he couldn’t let himself think about Marlene either, not now, not when he was already so fragile. He had to keep it together. “But I’ll get your crib set up and I’ll have a proper tidy up in the morning. I know Grimmauld Place is technically nicer, but you don’t want to grow up there. We’ll find somewhere bigger than the flat soon and you can have your own room again.” </p>
<p>Sirius touched the bike down, grabbed the bag and hurried up the steps of number twelve. He had to creep past the portrait, if he set her off, she was sure to set Harry off. Sirius hurried around the house, shoving his things into his bag. He didn’t have much, luckily. Just some clothes, the keepsakes he’d packed on that fateful night. </p>
<p>The flat was close enough, they didn’t need to fly, and it was so late now that the roads were quiet. Sirius didn’t dismount straight away. He stared up at the dark living room window. He could do this. He could go up there. He <em>had</em> to go up there. What he wanted, what he needed, didn’t matter at the moment. All that mattered now was Harry. </p>
<p>Still, he didn’t move. Would he be able to feel her in there? He wasn’t even sure if he wanted that. He felt Harry fidget against his chest, his movement hampered by the sling and Sirius’s jacket. </p>
<p>“Alright.” He muttered. “Alright, we’ll go in.” It took Sirius longer to climb the stairs to the second floor than it ever had before. It was as if his front door was getting further away with each step. Taunting him. He eventually reached it, and unlocked it with a shaking hand. Inside was exactly as he had left it. </p>
<p><em>Don’t think about her. Don’t think about anything.</em> </p>
<p>Sirius busied himself in the bedroom, reassembling Harry’s crib, changing his nappy, cleaning up the cut on his forehead, settling him down. He’d deal with the kitchen tomorrow, the food in the fridge would have gone off a long time ago. He’d unpack tomorrow, too. Sirius placed Harry’s blanket over him and smoothed a hand over his hair. How was he ever going to explain that he would never see his parents again? He was too little, he would never understand that. How was he ever going to explain what had happened? Sirius wasn’t even sure what had happened. </p>
<p>“We’re going to be okay.” Sirius whispered softly, hating that it felt like a lie. He pointed his wand at the bag and muttered “<em>accio</em> Roar.” Harry’s stuffed lion shot into his hand and he placed it next to the toddler. Smiling, despite everything, as he always did, at the lack of imagination in the name. If Harry had named it, it would have been one thing, but that lack of imagination had been all James. </p>
<p>Sirius’s heart gave another painful clench. He shrugged off his jacket, kicked off his boots and climbed into bed — he’d been right, it was still a mess. He reached over to the bedside table and turned the small silver frame so that he could see it properly. It was a little dusty, but not enough to obscure the photograph. He and Marlene, dancing, their first Christmas as a couple. James had taken it, as he had so many others. In fact, they’d passed that camera around for years, trying to capture as many happy moments as they could. They’d known what was waiting for them around every corner; looming just out of sight, waiting to pounce…to pick them off one by one. Sirius hugged the duvet, stuffing it in his mouth to muffle the sob that rose up, he didn’t want to wake Harry. </p>
<p>
  <em>Lily and James.</em>
</p>
<p>The sight of them staring, unseeing, was burned into his mind. He couldn’t close his eyes. He didn’t want to sleep, he didn’t want to think…didn’t want to be left alone with this crushing agony. </p>
<p>And all because of him. The <em>rat.</em> Honestly, they should’ve known.</p>
<p>A burning hatred for Peter ignited in his soul. He wanted to go after him, hunt him down, kill him. How could he have betrayed them like that? James would have <em>died</em> to protect Peter. And that miserable, pathetic little coward had sold them out…</p>
<p>But then, it had been <em>his</em> idea to use Peter. He’d <em>told</em> Lily and James to do it. They were dead because of him. As good as if he’d raised his wand and killed them himself. </p>
<p>Sirius screamed into the duvet. Squeezing his eyes shut against the onslaught of tears. The guilt, the shame, the agony were drowning him. He couldn’t breathe. He was choking on his own grief.</p>
<p>Four of the eight Gryffindors — half of them — were now gone. Erased from the world, at twenty-one, in the span of three months. Marlene, then Dorcas, then James, then Lily. How long did the rest of them have left?</p>
<p>No. He couldn’t think like that. He needed to stay alive for Harry. He was his responsibility now; the one good thing that he had left.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>***</p>
</div>Sirius wasn’t sure when he’d fallen asleep, or even how he’d managed it. He woke to a buzzing sound that he eventually realised was someone downstairs ringing to get in. It took him a moment to remember where he was…and then the previous night hit him like a wave.<p>Lily and James were dead. </p>
<p>He looked over at Harry, he was still asleep, though he wouldn’t be for much longer if whoever was outside didn’t shut up. Sirius forced himself out of bed. “Who is it?” He asked, pressing the button on the wall. </p>
<p>“Hagrid.” </p>
<p>It sounded like Hagrid, but he drew his wand as he let him in all the same. He waited, looking through the peephole in the front door. Hardly daring to breath. When the giant of a man appeared in the hallway, he slid the chain across and opened the door. Had it been anyone but Hagrid he wouldn’t have risked it, but it wasn’t easy to impersonate a half-giant. </p>
<p>“This is a surprise.” Sirius said bluntly. He didn’t want company right now. He wanted to be left alone with his misery. Harry started to cry. He was awake, probably hungry, probably needed changing. Sirius didn’t have time for company right now. He led Hagrid inside and crossed to the kitchen. He found an unopened packet of crackers, they would have to keep Harry going until he got him dressed and went shopping.  </p>
<p>“I’m so sorry about Lily an’ James. There was no one better.” Hagrid said, blowing his nose on a spotted handkerchief. Sirius made a non committal noise in his throat. He wasn’t ready to talk about them with anyone else just yet. </p>
<p>“What do you want, Hagrid?” Sirius sighed, he didn’t mean to sound so rude, but he had stuff to do. </p>
<p>“I’ve come for Harry. Dumbledore is takin’ him ter live with his Aunt an’ Uncle.” Hagrid said. Sirius stared at him, hardly able to believe what he’d just heard. Taking Harry to <em>live</em> with Lily’s bitch of a sister and her awful husband? <em>No</em>. “Dumbledore’s orders.” Hagrid said simply. Sirius felt the floor disappear from beneath him. He had lost everything. Marlene and the beautiful future they’d almost had. James and Lily. Now they wanted to take Harry from him too.</p>
<p><em>No. Absolutely not.</em> Lily and James had always said that if anything happened to them, they wanted Sirius to take care of Harry. He would have bet all of his gold that Petunia’s name had never even come up. </p>
<p>“Alright.” Sirius said calmly, doing some quick thinking. Hagrid would be easy to fool. He was so trusting, so trusting it was almost dangerous. “Why don’t you put the kettle on and make us a cup of tea…there won’t be any milk so it’ll have to be black…and I’ll get Harry ready, change his nappy, pack his things… say goodbye.” </p>
<p>“Good man.” Hagrid said, patting his shoulder. Sirius felt his knees buckle slightly from the force. He returned to the bedroom, his heart pounding, and gave Harry a cracker to chew on while he changed his nappy. He’d get him some proper breakfast as soon as he could. They would have to run. There was nothing else for it. Gringotts would be open in half an hour, he’d take out as much gold as he could carry and they’d flee. Sirius put on Harry’s hat and coat and picked him up. </p>
<p>“Think you can stay quiet for Padfoot?” He whispered, stepping into his boots. Harry watched curiously as he waved his wand at the crib and it packed itself once more. Sirius grabbed the bag, crept through the flat, passing quickly by the kitchen, and closed the front door carefully behind him. He moved far quicker down the stairs than he had come up them, mounted the bike outside, took one last look at the flat above, and kicked it into life. </p>
<p>They’d have to kill him if they wanted to take Harry.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Manchester</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Manoeuvring the bike through London, during rush hour, one handed, while trying to hold Harry on his lap was something Sirius never wanted to repeat. It was up there with one of the most stupid things he had ever done. James would have killed him. But he hadn’t had time to secure Harry properly. He would after Gringotts. He was going to fly to Moony’s — International Statute of Secrecy be damned — he couldn’t just disappear without telling Remus what was going on. He needed him to know that it was Peter, and not him, who’d been the traitor. </p><p>Sirius swerved; he nearly collided with a car as he turned onto Shaftesbury Avenue. “What the fuck!” He shouted. The driver wouldn’t have heard him, and he couldn’t make the accompanying gesture either without taking his other hand off of the handlebars… And really, he had actually been in the wrong. “Sorry, Harry.” He muttered, not daring to take his eyes off of the road to check on him. He turned onto Charing Cross and pulled up on a side street around the corner from The Leaky Cauldron. Before dismounting the bike, he checked Harry over: all his limbs were still attached, and he seemed far less concerned with the journey than Sirius had been. </p><p>Despite the early hour, The Leaky Cauldron wasn’t nearly as quiet as Sirius had been hoping for. He supposed word must be spreading about the events of last night. He heard snippets of conversation as he crossed through the bar: “The Potters dead” — “You Know Who destroyed” — “Their son missing.” The saving grace was that they seemed too engrossed in their conversations to notice him. Even so, he needed to get out of here quickly. In the courtyard outside he pulled a cloak from his bag and put up the hood, tucking Harry inside slightly. Sirius took his wand from his pocket and tapped the brick to gain entry to the magical street. It was busier than the pub, he kept his head down, careful not to make eye contact with anyone, and hurried up the steps to the bank.</p><p>“Sirius Black, I’d like to access my vault. Seven hundred and eleven.” He said to the Goblin behind the desk.</p><p>“Your key, please.” The Goblin said. Sirius fished around in his pocket, transferring Harry to his other side to check the other, and placed it on the desk. “This way.” Sirius followed the Goblin through the door. Harry was either going to hate the cart or love it, and Sirius was sorely hoping for the latter. On the way down, he held onto the little boy tighter than he had done on the road. Harry, to his credit, seemed to thoroughly be enjoying all the dips, dives and sharp turns… He supposed it boded well for his Quidditch future. </p><p>Sirius would pack as much gold as he could, and if they’d let him, change a hundred thousand galleons into Muggle money; that should keep them hidden and comfortable in the Muggle world until...well, either until Dumbledore came to his senses or it was time for Harry to start Hogwarts and Sirius had to face his punishment. </p><p>The Goblin opened the vault and Sirius sat Harry down amongst two small piles of silver, before setting to work tipping armfuls of gold coins into the open bag. He’d never been so grateful to have inherited his parents’ fortune. If Regulus was still alive, none of this would be his, and he didn’t ever want to touch Harry’s inheritance — it wouldn’t be right. He also had the gold that Alphard had left him, of course, but that would have eventually run out. The Goblin watched him curiously, he was sure this had to look so suspicious. Harry, fascinated by Sirius’s game, crawled over to help, copying what Sirius was doing…though if they went at his speed they’d be here for the rest of their lives. </p><p>“That should do it.” He said, picking Harry and the bag back up. “And I’d also like to change one hundred thousand into Muggle money.” The Goblin stared at him.</p><p>“I’m afraid that won’t be possible on such short notice.” The Goblin said carefully. Sirius supposed he was asking for a hell of a lot.</p><p>“Well, how much <em> will </em>be possible?” Sirius snapped, he didn’t have time to be polite. He didn’t like the curious look the Goblin was giving Harry. Sirius drew himself up and adopted the haughtiest expression he could; sometimes it paid off to be a Black. </p><p>“Please, follow me to one of the offices upstairs and we can discuss the currency exchange.” The Goblin said. Harry seemed to enjoy the cart even more the second time around, though once they’d disembarked he started to whine. Sirius took out another cracker and handed it over before following the Goblin to a brightly lit office. There was another behind the desk, Sirius vaguely recognised him, but he was too distracted right now to really try and place him. “Mr Black would like to exchange a large amount of gold.”</p><p>The second Goblin, Sirius thought he might have been Gornok, gestured to the leather chair on the other side of the desk. Sirius took a seat and settled Harry on his knee. “I asked to exchange one hundred thousand galleons, but your colleague indicated that won’t be possible.” Sirius said.</p><p>“Not for you to take right now… if you were to come back before close—” </p><p>Sirius cut him off with a frustrated sigh. He didn’t have <em> time </em> for this. “How much can I change right now?” </p><p>“Would fifty thousand galleons be acceptable?” The Goblin asked. Well, it would have to be. Two hundred and fifty thousand pounds would keep them going, he didn’t <em> need </em> five hundred thousand pounds — as nice a life as it would have given Harry — and he still had the gold he’d just taken out. Sirius nodded. “Ragnok will go and count it up for you now.” Sirius heard the door close behind him and pulled Harry closer. “Who is the child?” </p><p>“My son.” Sirius said quickly, and plucked the first name he could think of: “Alphard.”</p><p>“I wasn’t aware there’d been a new addition to the Black family.” The Goblin said. He <em> knew </em> this was Harry Potter, Sirius was sure of it. He raised his eyebrows in the best impression of Narcissa he could manage and was ready to deliver an ‘I wasn’t aware it was any of your business,’ but he didn’t need it. The look alone had done the trick and the Goblin backed down. Narcissa would have been proud. In fact, they might be on opposite sides of this, but he had a feeling that, deep down, she’d be proud that he was taking Harry and running. </p><p>Ragnok returned with a case of Muggle notes. Sirius looked it over as quickly as he could, but he was running out of time. He needed to get to Remus’s. “It’s been a pleasure.” He said, shaking their hands. It hadn’t, but he’d been rude to them and didn’t want to leave the same way. Sirius put the case in the bag, lifted the hood of his cloak and hurried from the bank. They’d not believed him for a second, he just hoped that they wouldn’t alert the Ministry.</p><p>There were more people in Diagon Alley now, celebrating, gathering excitedly in a way Sirius had never been able to recall them doing before. He had to weave around punters in The Leaky Cauldron. As soon as he stepped out onto Charing Cross Road, he tore off the cloak. </p><p>“Ready to go and see Moony?” He asked Harry. His godson was starting to get agitated again. Sirius could hardly blame him, he’d had nothing but crackers to eat and he must be thirsty too. Sirius strode round the corner to the bike and secured Harry to him. He placed disillusionment charms on themselves and the bike and took off, keeping an eye on the compass to make sure that he was travelling north west.</p><p>He could feed Harry while he explained to Remus what was going on… that was, if Remus <em> let </em>him explain. He might just blast him to a million pieces right there in the doorway. Word about Lily and James was spreading faster than he’d anticipated. Dumbledore was bound to know by now that Hagrid hadn’t retrieved Harry. He might have already been to Remus’s… It would be better if Dumbledore had, so Remus wouldn’t have had to lie for him. </p><p>Sirius urged the bike as fast as he dared with Harry on it. Eventually, fields turned once more into concrete. He wanted to assure Harry that they were almost there, but the wind was roaring around them. Sirius recognised the tower block with a playground outside that wasn’t far from Remus’s house. He hated Manchester, he found it so hard to distinguish one part from another. He touched down and parked the bike beside a large silver bin in an unkempt alley. He’d leave it disillusioned… Harry and himself too until he found Moony’s house. </p><p>“Ssh.” He said quietly to Harry, unfastening him before setting off to look for Arden Grove. Thankfully he’d been closer than anticipated. He reached the door and lifted the charm before ringing the bell. Harry, who had momentarily quietened down, was now building rapidly towards a melt down. The door opened and Remus faced him, wand out. Sirius did not draw his own. If Remus wanted to curse him… well, he deserved it, but he did shift slightly to shield Harry. “Hello, Moony.” He muttered grimly. The other man was pale, his eyes red; he’d been crying. “It was Peter.” He said simply. Remus just glared at him. “Are you going to let us in?” </p><p>Remus’s eyes drifted to Harry in his arms and Sirius was sure his expression softened ever so slightly. “Where did you and Marlene have your first kiss?” He asked. It was as though Remus had punched him. That wasn’t fair, he could’ve asked a question about their friendship… it would’ve been smarter too, but Moony had asked that to hurt him. Fine, two could play that game.</p><p>“My bedroom in Grimmauld Place, the night before I ran away from home. What was wrong with your mother before she died?” He asked coldly. Remus turned whiter still, but Sirius didn’t care. It served him right. </p><p>“She lost her mind.” He said quietly, stepping aside. Remus still hadn’t lowered his wand, but Sirius could hardly blame him, he knew how bad this looked. Sirius stepped round him and walked straight through to the shabby little kitchen, hunting through the cupboards for something he could give Harry to eat. He took a yoghurt from the fridge and a satsuma from the fruit bowl, summoned the boy’s sippy cup from the bag and filled it with juice, and sat down at the kitchen table, settling him on his knee, to feed him. “Explain.” Remus growled, joining them in the kitchen. </p><p>“Peter sold Lily and James out to Voldemort—”</p><p>“You were their Secret Keeper.” Remus snapped, cutting him off, the hand holding his wand — pointing right Sirius’s face — was shaking.</p><p>“No.” Sirius said, his eyes burning. “I told them to use Peter instead, I thought it would be safer… he was always so pathetic, so inept, no one would have suspected—” He tried to swallow the lump that was now rising in his throat. He’d gotten Lily and James killed. When Harry grew up and discovered that, he’d never forgive him. Sirius couldn’t blame him, he was never going to be able to forgive himself. One day, Sirius would have to sit his godson down and admit that he was the reason his parents had been murdered. </p><p>Harry put his hand in the yoghurt pot and slapped it against the table with a giggle. He took the spoon from Sirius, wanting to feed himself — to make more of a mess, he imagined. Eventually, he was going to realise that he wasn’t just spending the day with his godfather. Eventually, he was going to realise that his Mummy and Daddy weren’t coming to take him home this time… Sirius couldn’t bear it.</p><p>“I went to check on Peter, but he was gone. So I went to Godric’s Hollow, and…” There weren’t words for it. It had been the McKinnons all over again. “I don’t know how Harry survived, I just knew I had to get him home. Then this morning, Hagrid showed up. Dumbledore has <em> decided </em> that Harry’s to go and live with Petunia.” Sirius snarled. Remus started at this and dropped into a chair. </p><p>“<em> What? </em>” Clearly Sirius wasn’t the only one who knew Lily would be furious at the thought. </p><p>“So, I’ve sort of… well, I’ve kidnapped him.” Sirius admitted. Was it really kidnapping? He <em> was </em> his godfather after all. Remus sat forward and pinched the bridge of his nose. “I’m going into hiding, I’ve changed a fair bit of gold into Muggle money, but I need your help—”</p><p>“Of course you do.” Remus muttered, still not looking up. </p><p>“You know the Muggle world better than I do. I need you to get papers, passports, for Harry and me. We’re going to leave the country, but I think it’s best if we do it as Muggles. They won’t suspect that.” </p><p>Remus was staring at him like he’d lost his mind. Maybe he had, his life in general and the last few months in particular, had hardly been conducive to sanity. “Have you thought this through at all?” He asked quietly.</p><p>“No. I’m thinking it up as I go along.” Sirius shrugged, starting to peel the satsuma for Harry.</p><p>“Nothing new there then.” Remus muttered. “Sirius, you have to take him back.” He sounded so pleading, but Sirius <em> couldn’t </em>. </p><p>“Do you want Harry raised by those wizard hating—” He broke off. “You<em> know </em>how they’ll treat him. Please, Moony. Help me.” Sirius had met Petunia and her husband, before she’d completely cut Lily from her life. They had said terrible things about her and James — he’d once punched Vernon for just that. At best they would poison Harry against his parents, at worst… well, it didn’t bear thinking about. Remus ran his hand over his face. He looked more tired than Sirius had ever seen him. </p><p>“What names?” He asked.</p><p>“I— What?” Sirius frowned. </p><p>“You said you need documentation. Sirius Black is hardly a common name, and people will be on the lookout for a Harry Potter. So what names?”</p><p>“McKinnon.” Sirius said without even thinking. It had fallen from his mouth so naturally that his heart ached for her. He hated the look of pity that Remus was giving him. “Silas and Harry McKinnon.” </p><p>Remus snorted. “Silas? You’re supposed to be blending in. You’re such a drama queen. You can’t go with something like Stephen, or Stuart, you know, like a normal person?” Sirius pulled his face. <em> Stuart </em> ? He wasn’t a <em> Stuart </em>. </p><p>“I’m <em> not </em> a drama queen.” Sirius huffed. </p><p>“Leave it to me, I’ll come up with one. Are you really that attached to the ‘S’?” Remus asked.</p><p>“I <em> like </em> the ‘S’. How long is this going to take?”</p><p>“Give me a week—”</p><p>“A week! What are we supposed to do for a week? Why is it going to take so long?” Sirius snapped. They needed to get out of here, they couldn’t be hanging around waiting to disappear… waiting for Dumbledore or the Ministry to find them.</p><p>“It's going to take time to make it look like you actually exist, if people look into you and you’ve just sprung into existence one day it’s going to be a bit suspicious.”    </p><p>“Where are we supposed to go for a week? I’m sure Dumbledore will be here any moment now.” He watched as Remus crossed the room and took a map book from one of the draws. </p><p>“I recommend Tandle Hill woods. You can camp out there, I’ve got a tent you can have. A couple of protective spells around it and you’ll be fine.” Remus opened the map in front of him and pointed it out, it seemed easy enough to get to. Still, Sirius didn’t like the idea of sticking around that long. Remus opened the bag and started to fill it with food from the cupboards. “I’d change the colour of your bike…or keep it inside the shield.” Moony left the room — he assumed to get the tent — and Sirius got up and wiped the yoghurt from Harry’s hands and face… and Remus’s kitchen table. He returned and dropped the tent into the bag. </p><p>“Thank you.” Sirius said; he was so relieved that Remus believed him. “I mean it, Moony.”</p><p>“Are you sure about this? If you’re caught…”</p><p>“I don’t have a choice.” He murmured, looking at Harry. “They won’t love him. I will not allow him to grow up unloved.” Sirius knew exactly what it felt like to be unloved and he couldn’t let Harry have that life. “Listen, if you get time, and if you can face going down there…will you go and look for G-A-R-Y?” He spelled it out because he didn’t want Harry to start asking about him. “I forgot about him. Poor thing has never had to fend for himself… give him to Mary, if you don’t want him.”</p><p>“I’ll try.” Remus said. Sirius knew that he was putting a lot on him. It shouldn’t have to be like this. None of this should ever have happened… if he had just been their Secret Keeper himself, none of this would be happening.</p><p>“Will you take him while I go to the loo?” Remus nodded and he handed Harry over. </p><p>They’d be out of the country soon. He could hide out for a week, then head down to France, maybe onto Spain, though France would probably be better, at least he spoke a little French. They’d start in a Muggle hotel, and then rent an apartment somewhere. If things calmed down, he would bring Harry back to go to a Muggle school here, Lily would like that. </p><p>Sirius returned to the kitchen and took Harry from Remus, fastening him back into the sling. “I can’t believe they're gone.” He murmured, as Sirius picked up the bag.</p><p>“I know.” Sirius muttered. What was he supposed to do without James? He’d been more of a brother to him than Regulus had ever been… and he’d loved him so much. </p><p>“Keep an eye out for me in a week, I’ll wander around Tandle Hill until you spot me.” Remus said. Sirius nodded, pulled him into a brief, one armed hug, before hurring out to try and find his way back to the bike. </p><p>***</p><p>It only took Sirius roughly twenty minutes to reach Tandle Hill; signposting had made it a lot easier to find than he’d been anticipating. There were far too many Muggles about for him to just drive the motorcycle among the trees… The council probably had rules about that anyway and he didn’t want to draw too much attention to himself. He had to wait a little while until they were alone in the carpark, before disillusioning Harry, himself, and the bike, and setting off into the trees. Finding a secluded spot, he dismounted and started to cast every protective enchantment he could remember… Another thing that both James and Marlene had always been better at than him. When he was as sure as he could be that they would remain undetected, Sirius assembled the tent. </p><p>Inside, it wasn’t that much smaller than the flat Sirius and Marlene had shared. A bathroom, kitchen-lounge area, and a bedroom. It wasn’t much but it seemed comfortable. He moved the coffee table to the side, took some of Harry’s toys and books from the bag, and set him on the living room rug to play while he moved to the kitchen to unpack the food Remus had given them.</p><p>“Where Roar?” Harry asked. Sirius, whose heart had sped up as Harry had started speaking — scared that he’d been about to ask for his parents, breathed a sigh of relief. He wasn’t ready to try and explain that just yet. Sirius rooted around in the bag and handed over the lion, watching as Harry hugged it tightly. He slumped down onto the shabby sofa and ran a hand through his hair.</p><p>“We’re going to be okay, Harry.” He said firmly. Maybe if he said it enough he could make it true. He reached forward and pulled the hat from Harry’s head. The cut was like a bolt of lightning, he’d clean it for him again in a moment, he didn’t want the poor boy getting some sort of infection. “How’d you survive, mate?”</p><p>Harry looked at him quizzically before returning to the picture book he was showing to Roar. Sirius shifted to lie down on the sofa, staring up at the tent’s canvas ceiling. He desperately tried not to imagine what James and Lily’s last moments had been like. They had both, wandlessly, faced Voldemort. They would have known that they were going to die. Lily would have known that James was already dead when Voldemort entered Harry’s room. Sirius didn’t need to have been there to know that she would have died heartbroken, pleading for Harry’s life, trying her best to shield him from harm.</p><p>Sirius rolled onto his side to look at Harry, quickly wiping away the tears he didn’t want him to see. Was Lily the reason he was alive right now — the reason the curse had failed? It was the sort of thing that Dumbledore would know, but Sirius could hardly ask him. He couldn’t even ask him if Voldemort was really gone. That didn’t matter, though, his Death Eaters were still out there. Bella, for example, would love nothing more than to kill Harry. As if he didn’t have enough reasons to hate his cousin. </p><p>It didn’t matter <em> how </em> Harry survived, all that mattered was that he had. </p><p>“We’re going to be okay.” Sirius said again, this time even more firmly than the last.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you so much to my beta, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/more1weasley/profile">More1Weasley</a>, for all the help. I really appreciate it!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Tandle Hill</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>By the fifth day, Sirius wasn’t so sure that they’d be okay after all. It was early, he could tell that it was still dark outside, and Harry was crying again. He’d been crying for his parents almost constantly for five days now, and Sirius’s head was killing him. He forced himself out of bed and walked through their morning routine: change Harry; put him in his high chair; prepare breakfast. </p><p>Sirius sat down opposite him and attempted to feed Harry when it became apparent that he was disinclined to do so himself.</p><p>“It’s porridge, you like porridge. I mixed some jam in and everything.” Sirius tried to coax through gritted teeth. Harry just cried louder, threw the bowl on the floor and Roar across the tent. Sirius got up and walked away from him, kicking the stupid stuffed lion aside.</p><p>“Mummy!” Harry screamed.</p><p>“Will you just shut up for five fucking minutes!” Sirius bellowed, rounding on the toddler. Harry fell silent as abruptly as if Sirius had used magic on him. He stared up at him with watery eyes, as stunned as Sirius was himself. And then he began to bawl. </p><p>Shame washed over him. He had never shouted at Harry before, and now he was shouting at him for crying because he missed his mum and dad. Looking away he tried to swallow through the lump in his throat. He fetched a cloth from the sink and, as he knelt down to wipe up the mess on the floor, he took a deep, shuddering breath. If Lily and James had seen him yelling at Harry like that… They would never have forgiven him. Sirius felt tears pricking his eyes and quickly blinked them away. He <em> couldn’t </em> be weak right now. </p><p>He picked Harry up ever so gently and held him close. “I’m sorry, Harry. I’m so sorry.” Sirius stooped to pick up Roar — who Harry clutched tightly to his chest — and walked circles around the tent, trying his best to soothe the little boy. “I miss them too.” His soul ached with the loss of them.</p><p>Sirius had shouted at Harry for <em> crying</em>. He’d always known he wasn’t fit to raise a child, Marlene had insisted differently — insisted that he would make a wonderful father — but he knew the truth of it. His own parents had messed him up too badly for that. Harry should go to the Dursleys. They had a child of their own, they’d be better at this than he would. It would kill Sirius to hand his godson over, but he had to do what was best for him. What’d he been thinking, taking him like that? Moony was right, he hadn’t thought this through.</p><p>He sat Harry back in the chair and handed over his own helping of porridge (his stomach growling hungrily as he did), holding onto the edge of the bowl in case this one was also destined for the floor. Harry quietened down while he fed himself, though Sirius was sure that more was going over his face than in his mouth. </p><p>“Once I’ve cleaned up I’ll take you to Dumbledore.” Sirius murmured, but even as he said it, his heart shattered again. How many more times could it break before it killed him? But it would be better this way. So maybe the Dursleys wouldn’t love him as much as Sirius did, but they might be better for him… They were his family too; and what was Sirius to him, <em> really</em>? Anyway, since Marlene had been killed, he’d hardly been able to take care of himself, let alone anyone else. At least this way Harry wouldn’t have to grow up in hiding, on the run. He’d have someone his own age to play with, a settled life…</p><p>Sirius couldn’t give him any of that. <em> He’d yelled at him for crying</em>. What sort of monster—</p><p>“Sisus, eat.” Harry demanded, holding out a spoonful of the food. Sirius, still lost in his own head, opened his mouth and Harry pushed the spoon in. It was a little too forceful, but Sirius appreciated the gesture all the same. They went on like that until the bowl was empty — one for Sirius, one for Harry. He sat him beside the sink and wiped his face and hands… and Roar, who Harry helpfully held out so he could have the breakfast cleaned off of him.</p><p>He set Harry back down among his toys, washed up their bowls, and was half way through dismantling the crib when he stopped. He ran his hand through his hair and watched Harry watching him. He looked on the verge of tears again and Sirius understood the feeling perfectly. Sighing, he flicked his wand at the crib and the screws tightened themselves. </p><p>How could he hand Harry over? Sirius knew that he was probably being selfish, but the thought of giving Harry away was more than he could stand. Anyway, Lily would probably resurrect herself just to kill him in his sleep if he gave her little boy over to Petunia. Lily might have had a complicated relationship with her sister — Sirius understood that better than anyone — but there had been nothing complex in James or Lily’s dislike for that vile husband of hers. The Dursleys wouldn’t want him, Petunia had made her opinions on the Wizarding world painfully clear. Petunia would never love Harry. Sirius couldn’t do it, he couldn’t give Harry up. So things would be difficult, they’d have to lie, and run, and hide… But Harry would grow up <em> so loved. </em> </p><p>“Want Dada.” Harry whimpered. Sirius scooped him up and sat down with him on the sofa. </p><p>“So do I.” Sirius said quietly against his hair. “Mummy and Daddy are gone, and they can’t come back. They died.” His voice cracked, and he didn’t have it in him to fight back his own tears. Harry wasn’t going to understand, he was so little. “But they loved you so much, Harry. It’s just you and me now.” Sirius could feel Harry building up to another explosion of wailing. He rubbed his thumb softly against Harry’s temple, the way James always had. He didn’t know if his telling him they were dead was the right thing, but he didn’t want to lie, or confuse him. “I love you so much, Harry, and I’m going to look after you, I’m going to keep you safe, I promise.” </p><p>Harry eventually returned to his blocks and Sirius got to his feet and left the tent. It was a cool morning. He watched people walking up and down the path several feet away. Not a single one of them looked over at the tent nestled among the trees; at least the enchantments were holding. Harry toddled out and made for the path. Sirius grabbed hold of him quickly. </p><p>“Goddy!” He said, pointing at the large Saint Bernard that was being walked by its owner. </p><p>“Excuse me, Mister.” Sirius grinned, setting Harry back down at the entrance of the tent. “I thought <em> I </em>was your favourite dog.” Sirius stepped forwards, transforming into the large black dog and bounded around Harry, barking happily and wagging his tail. Harry gave a squeal of delight. His little hands tugged at Sirius’s fur and ears as he wrapped his arms around the neck of his ‘Pafoo.’ They chased each other for a while, but before long Harry got bored of this game and made for the footpath again. Sirius grabbed the back of his jumper with his teeth and carried him away from the protective boundary. Harry, realising the potential new game, made another break for it, so Sirius turned back into the man and picked him up. </p><p>“No! Down!” Harry shouted, trying to wriggle out of his arms. </p><p>“It’s Guy Fawkes tonight. We’ll come out later and try and see some fireworks.” Sirius said, pointing up at the sky. “Now, how about we go and do some colouring?” He suggested, carrying him back inside the tent. </p><p>***</p><p>Harry, it turned out, did not like the fireworks. Sirius wasn’t sure if it was the loud bangs or the bright flashes of light (they were very close, the show must have been put on in Tandle Hills park) but Harry burst into tears five minutes in. Sirius couldn’t get him to settle in his crib, every time he lay him down, Harry stood back up, his little fists clutching the bars. In the end, Sirius relented; he put him in the bed and climbed in beside him. As terrible as his nights had been this week, it was too early for him to sleep yet, but he hoped that his presence next to Harry might calm him. Every new firework made him jump, and while Sirius was sure he could stop noise penetrating their canvas surroundings, he didn’t dare; he needed to listen out for anyone that might be approaching.</p><p>Had the lights of the fireworks reminded him of that night? Sirius cursed his own stupidity. He knew what the killing curse looked like, he’d witnessed it first hand enough times, but he hadn’t thought. He couldn’t let himself be as careless with Harry as he was with other people. </p><p>It took him a very long time to get Harry to sleep that night. Sirius tried everything he could think of, everything he had ever witnessed Lily and James do. He tried singing, though that made things worse. (He shouldn’t have been surprised, Marlene had been beside herself with laughter when she’d caught him singing in the shower); a bottle of warm milk; walking him around the tent; rocking him. Harry eventually dropped off, though he seemed to stir every time Sirius placed him in the crib. Finally, he decided it just wasn’t worth it, Harry could sleep in with him tonight. </p><p>***</p><p>On the seventh day, as soon as they had eaten breakfast, Sirius bundled Harry up in his hat and coat and took him outside to play with his toys. He needed to watch out for Remus. Harry ran around happily, every so often making a break for the footpath when he saw a particularly cute dog, only for Sirius to have to jump to grab him. A toddler seemingly walking around alone was bound to cause suspicion to any passerby. Harry was proving a welcome distraction during his waking hours, it was hard to wallow in his own misery while he was chasing him around… It was while Harry was asleep that he was having problems. He didn’t want to be left alone with his thoughts.</p><p>“Moo Moo!” Harry shouted, pointing to the path. He followed his finger and spotted Remus walking just on the other side of the enchantment. Sirius got up and reached through the barrier to pull him through. </p><p>“At last!” Remus smiled. </p><p>“Have you been wandering around long?”</p><p>“About an hour and a half, not too bad I suppose.” Remus said, setting his bag down.</p><p>“What’s it like out there?” Sirius asked, he’d been ready to elaborate, but he hadn’t needed to. </p><p>“Mostly jubilant.” Remus said. “Though there are a couple of questions being raised about you and your vanishing act, even more about Harry.” He explained. “Dumbledore came to see me. Wanted to know if you’ve been in touch, if I knew where you were hiding.”</p><p>“What did you tell him?” Sirius asked sharply. </p><p>“You’ve not been caught, have you?” Remus muttered. “He did ask me to tell you, if you eventually got in contact, to turn yourself in. That Harry needs to be with his Aunt, because when Lily— when she gave her life for him, it created a protection charm. Voldemort won’t be able to touch him if he lives with his Aunt.” </p><p>“Voldemort won’t be able to touch him if he lives with <em> me </em>.” Sirius growled — pushing aside the troubling implication that Dumbledore didn’t think Voldemort was really gone. Sirius would never let anyone hurt Harry.</p><p>“I’m just passing on the message.” Remus said, raising his hands defensively. From his bag he took out passports and birth certificates. Sirius took them from him and stared at the names: Leo and Harry McKinnon.</p><p>“<em> Leo </em>?” Sirius complained. What sort of stupid name was Leo McKinnon? </p><p>“It was very nearly Connor. I was in Foyles, looking through baby name books, trying to find the perfect one, and it means ‘lover of hounds.’ I thought it was appropriate, but then I looked in another book and it said it meant ‘wise,’ and given that you’re about to do something very, very stupid, it didn’t really fit.”  </p><p>“You’re hilarious.” Sirius deadpanned. “Leo, though?”</p><p>“It follows the starry theme—”</p><p>“Great. That’s my family’s thing not mine. And I said I wanted an ‘S’—”</p><p>“You know what, next time you decide to go on the run with an abducted child, you can sort yourself out.” Remus snapped. “Stop whining, or I’m going to get a quill and change it to Sleo.” </p><p>“So much better.” Sirius said sarcastically. </p><p>“I thought you might <em> like </em> Leo, you’re a Gryffindor. And then there’s Marlene’s patronus.” Remus explained. Sirius stared at him, that had actually been rather thoughtful. “Look, it’s too late now. I’m sorry if you hate it, but tough. Surely you’ve got more important things to worry about?”</p><p>“Yeah.” Sirius conceded. “No, you’re right. Thank you.”</p><p>“Listen, are you sure about this? It’s not too late to hand him over.” Remus asked quietly. Sirius looked over at Harry who was engaged in a deep nonsensical conversation with Roar. If he was going to change his mind he’d have done it two days ago… He very nearly had. </p><p>“I can’t.” Sirius said. “I can’t give him up. He’ll be miserable at the Dursleys — I’m not saying he’ll be much better with me,” he added quickly, “but I love him. They don’t.”  </p><p>“Alright.” Remus nodded, taking a carrier bag from his rucksack. “I brought you some more food, toiletries, nappies. That sort of thing.” </p><p>Sirius took the bag and looked inside. “Jammie Dodgers.” He said rather excitedly.</p><p>“For Harry.” Remus said sternly.</p><p>“Not bloody likely.” Sirius grinned. “Thanks for doing all this, mate.”</p><p>“You should get out of the country as quickly as you can. If you follow that path down to the main road, you can get a bus into Manchester and then another to the airport. Do you want any help packing up?” Remus asked, gesturing at the tent.</p><p>“No, I’ve got it.” Sirius said. “You know, you could come—”</p><p>“No.” Remus said bluntly, not even letting him finish. Sirius looked away quickly, he didn’t want Remus to see how much that single word had hurt him. </p><p>“Alright.” Sirius shrugged, glancing at his friend and trying to sound casual. “Just an idea. Thought you might have liked to watch him grow up.” Pain flashed across Moony’s face, and Sirius felt a twinge of guilt. That had been a little cruel, even for him. </p><p>“I’d like nothing more, but your life is going to be impossibly hard without a werewolf to worry about as well.” He explained, before pulling him into a hug. Sirius was going to miss him… He had so few friends left. “Keep in touch, just maybe don’t tell me where you are.” Remus mumbled into his shoulder. Sirius gripped the back of his jacket tightly for a moment before letting go, and Remus bent down to give Harry a kiss.</p><p>Sirius pointed his wand at the motorbike and shrunk it down so it would fit in the palm of his hand. He passed it to Remus and grinned. “Put it on your mantelpiece.” He wouldn’t be able to use it, it was too much of a give away. “Something to remember me by.” </p><p>“Because you’re so forgettable, Padfoot.” Remus smiled, putting the tiny bike in his pocket.</p><p>“Say ‘bye bye Moony.’” Sirius said, picking Harry up and waving to Remus; Harry waved too.</p><p>“Bye bye Moo Moo!” Harry said. Remus waved back before, looking rather tearful, he stepped outside of the enchantments. Sirius and Harry watched as he headed back down the path. He hated that he felt like he’d never see him again, but the feeling that death was lurking just out of sight, that looming threat that had hung over them for so long, didn’t seem to have vanished along with Voldemort. </p><p>Maybe it was just an unfortunate side effect of growing up in a war. Maybe he would always feel like their days were numbered.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you so much to my beta, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/more1weasley/profile">More1Weasley</a>, for all the help. I really appreciate it!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Paris</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Sirius had been on edge from the moment he packed up the tent and stepped out into the open. It didn’t take long for them to get back to the main road; Harry had wanted to walk by himself, but they didn’t have time for that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Luckily, they didn’t have to wait long for a bus, and once they got on there was plenty to distract Harry as he looked out of the window. Sirius forced his face into a matching expression of excitement at every tree and car the little boy pointed out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was still weighing up whether or not they should fly to France or take the train down to Dover and catch the ferry. Flying would certainly be quicker, but the idea of the airport made him nervous. In the end, Sirius decided that the faster they got out of the country, the better, and changed buses when they reached the city centre. He took out the documents that Lupin had given him and looked at Harry’s birth certificate — his mother was listed as Marlene White. Sirius shook his head. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Very funny, Remus.” He muttered under his breath. Harry made a grab for the paper and Sirius quickly stashed it back in the bag. He pulled Harry onto his lap and pointed out the window at the sky. “You want to go on an aeroplane?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius had no trouble buying a ticket, getting through security — thanks to a concealment charm on the bag to make it Muggle worthy — or boarding the plane. Either Remus had done a superb job, or it was just frighteningly easy to kidnap a child and leave the country. Not that Sirius thought it was </span>
  <em>
    <span>really </span>
  </em>
  <span>kidnapping… Lily and James had chosen Sirius. He was just following their wishes. It wasn’t his fault that Dumbledore had lost his mind. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry napped on the flight, and Sirius was grateful for this as he’d brought a phrase book at the airport and wanted to brush up on his French. He’d last been in France when he was living with the Potters and they’d gone on holiday with the McKinnons. Sirius would try the hotel they’d stayed in first, if he could remember the way. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When the plane landed, he left the terminal and followed the signs for the train station, breathing freely once they were on board. They could disappear into Paris now. He watched as a couple of other passengers shot him dirty looks as Harry climbed over the train seats. He was sure they were thinking “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Bloody English!</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Or whatever the equivalent was in French, but what did it matter, Harry wasn’t harming anyone. He heard the woman nearest him click her tongue irritably, but he resisted the temptation to smile and wave at her. He was supposed to be keeping his head down. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Il doit s'asseoir sur son siège.” The conductor said, as he made his way down the train, checking tickets. Sirius wasn’t going to be the prick that pretended he didn’t understand French. He understood enough to know that he was telling him that Harry had to sit down. Still not seeing the problem with a toddler who liked to climb, Sirius reluctantly picked him up and sat him down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Heureux?” Sirius asked, keeping his voice polite. The conductor glowered at him and moved on.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Up!” Harry shouted, trying to climb back over the back of the seat, but Sirius pulled him back down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re going to get me in trouble.” He muttered wryly. “How about we read a book?” Sirius asked, hopefully something annoying to irritate the clicking tongued cow sat across from them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tapillar!” Harry said. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Yeah, that should do it</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Sirius thought, rummaging around for </span>
  <em>
    <span>The Very Hungry Caterpillar</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>By the time they alighted the train at Châtelet-les-Halles, the woman seemed like she wanted to throttle him. Sirius bit back a smile; he shouldn’t have enjoyed that so much, pissing off the locals was hardly the best way to start a life in hiding. “We’ve got a bit of a trek now, Harry.” He said as they walked along the rue Saint-Honoré. “Don’t worry, though, I remember the way… at least, I’m pretty sure I remember the way.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It took Sirius an hour and a half to reach Hotel San Regis, it shouldn’t have taken so long but he’d let Harry toddle along beside him as they cut through the Tuileries gardens, and his tiny legs didn’t cover ground very quickly. The San Regis lobby was quiet, and with it’s pretty marble and soft gold fabrics, it was exactly how he remembered it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh.” Sirius said, approaching the desk. “J'ai besoin d'une chambre d'hôtel pendant une semaine?” He asked. He was sure he saw the receptionist smirk slightly. Yes, he </span>
  <em>
    <span>knew</span>
  </em>
  <span> his pronunciation was terrible…but surely it was better that he’d tried to speak French and hadn’t just asked for a room in English. “Merci beaucoup.” Sirius said, taking the key from the receptionist. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The lift to the fifth floor took far longer than it should have because Harry had leant out of his arms and pressed all of the buttons. “Mate.” Sirius sighed, trying not to laugh. He hadn’t asked for a particular room, but he’d been given the same one that he and James had stayed in when he’d last been here. His heart gave a painful throb as he set Harry down. “Me and your dad stayed here.” He told him quietly. It felt like a lifetime ago, something that had happened to other people.  “We’ll get some food and then I’ll give you a bath.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was too late to go out now, he’d have to try and put Harry to bed soon. He scanned the room service menu, looking for something that he might eat. He didn’t really want to have to resort to chips when they had access to room service in a five star hotel… He supposed that pasta would be a safe choice. He wasn’t even sure what sort of foods children his age were allowed to eat. He’d write to Andromeda in the morning, it was the kind of thing she would know. And she would want to help him, he was sure of it… He had to be sure of it, because to not be — to think that there was a chance that she might turn him in — it was too unbearable.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>While he waited for the food, Sirius cleared a space by the window for Harry’s crib. He needed to figure out what the fuck they were going to do. This hotel was not a practical solution, it was pricey and he’d blow through their money pretty quickly if they stayed here. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want to stay in Paris?” He asked Harry, but he just looked at him quizzically. At the knock on the door, Sirius grabbed his wand from the dresser and carefully went to open it. He was sure it would only be the food, but he wasn’t about to take the risk. When the waiter left, he set Harry in his highchair. “I know, you think I’m paranoid.” He said, setting his wand back down. “You would be too if you were old enough to understand what’s going on— Ah, ah.” Sirius pulled the bowl of pasta out of Harry’s reach as he dished some out onto a smaller plate. “It’s too hot, let it cool down first. Have some cucumber.” He added fishing it out of the salad and setting the pieces down on the highchair’s table.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry, mercifully, slept through the night. Sirius, on the other hand,  had tossed and turned, waking up every few hours. The grief was eating at his insides. He had lost so much. Harry had lost </span>
  <em>
    <span>so much</span>
  </em>
  <span>. It wasn’t fair. They had suspected there was a spy, but Peter? The bastard had always been weak and pathetic. But to have been selling them all out to </span>
  <em>
    <span>Voldemort? </span>
  </em>
  <span>Sirius never would have believed it of him. And he had </span>
  <em>
    <span>told</span>
  </em>
  <span> Lily and James to use him. Giving up on sleep, Sirius got up and turned on the shower, it was so much better than the bathroom in the tent. He pressed his forehead against the marble tiles of the shower wall, letting the hot water wash over him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Stop fucking crying.” He hissed, slapping his hand against the wet tile, over and over. “Stop it!  Man the fuck up.” He would be no good to Harry if he fell apart. He would be no good to Harry if he lost his mind. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The soaps and shampoos had nothing on the Prefects’ bathroom, but they still smelled pretty good. He felt slightly more human again when he’d dried off and wrapped himself in one of the cozy dressing gowns. Harry was awake when he returned, sat up in his crib and starting to fuss like he did when something was niggling him. Sirius ordered breakfast before picking him up. “Let’s get your nappy changed, stinky boy.” He murmured, carrying him back through to the bathroom. “What shall we do today? You want to go up the big tower? Or play in the park?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Park!” Harry said. Hopefully it wouldn’t start raining.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll have breakfast first.” Sirius told him, setting him down among his toys at the knock on the door. He opened the door, stowing his wand in the pocket of his dressing gown when he’d established that it was indeed the waitress. She was very pretty, big brown eyes, blonde hair — though darker than Marlene’s had been.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Stop it, </span>
  </em>
  <span>he thought, irritably.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bonjour, Monsieur McKinnon, bon appétit.” The waitress said, her cheeks flushing slightly as her eyes travelled from his face to take in his bathrobe. Sirius supposed he should be flattered, but her interest awakened a sense of guilt in his gut, and he’d started at the sound of the name. It was going to take some getting used to. He stepped aside for her and she set the tray off food down on the small table in the corner.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Merci.” He mumbled, still holding the door open for her. She waved at Harry on her way back out, and he waved back. There was nothing wrong with that boy’s confidence. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Au revoir.” She smiled sweetly and Sirius closed the door behind her and rubbed the back of his neck. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not one word.” He muttered to Harry. He was used to attention from women, he’d always enjoyed it. It had been flattering, even when he’d been with Marlene and no longer had the desire to act on it — no woman had ever compared to her. Now though, he knew where that guilt came from, it felt like he was cheating on her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Dear Dromeda,</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I don’t know how long this will take to reach you, I’ve never sent a letter through the Muggle post before. I’m not sure if you’re going to be angry or proud — I’m hoping the latter — but I took Harry Potter from Godric’s Hollow. He’s my godson, and Dumbledore was going to go and send him to live with his wizard-hating Aunt and Uncle. He doesn’t even know them! I know what you must be thinking — I know what everyone must be thinking — but it wasn’t me. I did not kill Lily and James… I didn’t sell them out, I’d have died before I sold them out. Peter was the traitor, I don’t know how long he was working for Voldemort, but he had us all fooled. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I’m not going to tell you where I am, I don’t think you’d turn me in, but I don’t want the wrong people seeing this letter. Dumbledore won’t be the only person looking for Harry. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The trouble is, I’m a little bit out of my depth, and honestly right now I’ll take any advice you can give me. What should I be feeding him? Is there anything he shouldn’t eat? How many naps does he need? How old should I start to potty train him… how do I potty train him? Literally any advice! I am deferring to your vast expertise as an excellent mother who is raising a bright and lovely little girl, (see how thick I’m laying this on? That’s how much I need your help!)</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Send your reply back our way, Strix will find me. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Say ‘hi’ to Ted and Dora for me.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Love,</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sirius</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius had bought a notepad, pen, and envelopes in a little stationery shop and written the letter while he and Harry had sat down in a cafe for lunch. He spent the rest of the day speaking to estate agents about apartments, and set up a couple of viewings for the week. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry dozed off against his shoulder as he walked back to the hotel that evening. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t blame you.” He yawned, setting the little boy down on the bed. Changing him into his pyjamas without waking him up was surprisingly easy. And while he was sure he’d pay later for not waking the boy up for supper, Sirius just couldn’t bring himself to. He looked so peaceful. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wake up, Monsieur McKinnon.” The whisper was soft in his ear, and he could feel the gentle hand on his chest. No one should be in their room, not even the pretty waitress. The realisation startled him awake, his eyes flew open, and he reached for his wand. Except, it wasn’t the waitress that was sitting on his bed. It was Marlene. Her radiant light aided by the glow of the city. Sirius sat up slowly. Terrified that any sudden movement would cause her to vanish. Her fingers traced along his jaw and then he was kissing her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He should have known that it was too good to be true. Marlene McKinnon was dead. Yet, his mind pushed that fact aside so easily; it always did when he dreamed about her… until they inevitably turned to nightmares. What did that matter now though? She was here, in his arms, kissing him back. He broke away, his eyes raking over her beautiful face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Marlene.” He breathed. She smiled, but as she did her eyes turned cloudy. Dead. And she fell limp in his arms. “No, no, no!” He shouted, lying her down. “Help me!” And then she vanished. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where were you?” The voice came from behind him and he spun around, half toppling from the bed. Marlene was standing up, staring at him, unseeing. “I died. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Where were you</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You killed me.” James was at the end of the bed, those same dead eyes, his face grey.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, it wasn’t me.” He choked, diving forwards to try and reach his best friend. If he could just reach him then he could save him, he could bring him back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You killed me.” Lily was stood by Harry’s crib, her mouth twisted in fury. “You stole my son.” She reached down to pick up the sleeping toddler.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t. This was what you wanted.” He was pleading now, turning to Lily instead of James. “Don’t take him, please, don’t take Harry! No!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius woke with a start, his strangled cry breaking through the nightmare. It took him a second to realise that it was Harry’s wailing that had roused him. He was shaking badly and the sheets were drenched with cold sweat. Sirius slid out from under the covers and crossed to the crib. Had he been calling out in his sleep?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry, Harry.” He murmured, picking him up and holding him close. “I didn’t mean to frighten you.” He felt sick, his stomach rolled worryingly and he sat down on the edge of the bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Want Roar.” Harry mumbled. At least he’d stopped crying. Sirius picked up his wand and pointed it at the crib.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Accio </span>
  </em>
  <span>Roar.” He said, and caught the lion as it came soaring towards him. He handed it to Harry and kissed the top of his head. “I wish you could understand enough to decide. Or to tell me that I’m not mad, that I’m doing the right thing.” He murmured, though he knew that wasn’t Harry’s responsibility. He was the adult, he had to make those sorts of choices. And he </span>
  <em>
    <span>had</span>
  </em>
  <span> made the choice. He wasn’t giving Harry up, but that nightmare had still rattled him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It happened the day that Sirius had planned to go and put the deposit down on the flat he’d found. Normally, when something was going to go this wrong, he woke feeling uneasy. Maybe that was why this blindsided him so completely. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The flat had been perfect, a little side street, around the corner from a beautiful park. No doorman to worry might have been bewitched. Two bedrooms, a balcony. Everything Sirius had been looking for. He could imagine raising Harry there. He’d kept his distance from the entrance to wizarding Paris for the fortnight that they’d been in the city. It hadn’t been difficult, the further he was from the wizarding world right now, the safer he felt. The problem was, it meant that he had no idea what was going on in his world. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius stationed himself and Harry outside a cafe next to the statue that granted the wizarding community access to the hidden street. Hopefully it wouldn’t take someone too long to emerge with a newspaper, it was bitter cold this morning. Harry was wrapped up in his coat, hat, and scarf though, and seemed to be enjoying his hot chocolate immensely. Well, more specifically the extra marshmallows the doting Muggle proprietor had piled on a saucer for him. The hot chocolate — that Sirius had transferred into Harry’s sippy-cup when it had cooled down a little — was now probably cold.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry was just finishing off the last marshmallow when Sirius spotted a wizard with a moustache that could rival Petunia’s vile husband’s; he had a paper poking out of his bag. “This is it Harry, I need you to be really quiet, okay?” He put some francs on Harry’s empty saucer, picked him up, strode over to Mr Moustache and fell in step behind him. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Accio paper</span>
  </em>
  <span>. He thought, pointing his wand at the bag, it flew into his waiting hand and Sirius veered off to the right and didn’t stop and until he’d put three streets between them and the statue. Sirius unfurled the paper and he was sure that his heart stopped. There, slapped across the front page, a photograph of him next to a photograph of the Potter’s destroyed home. Whatever this was, it couldn’t be good. He needed to get back to the hotel.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Every noise made him jump. He was sure that Harry could feel the change in his demeanour, he’d become fidgety in his arms. He walked straight past the reception desk and into the lift, not daring to open the paper just yet. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s going to be okay.” He murmured to Harry as he unlocked the door with a shaking hand. He set him down in his crib and dropped down onto the armchair. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The article had been worse that he had imagined. He read French better than he spoke it, and right now he wished he didn’t. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The British Ministry have, today, contacted their European counterparts to aid in the search for suspected Death Eater, Sirius Black. Black is wanted for questioning in connection to the murder of James and Lily Potter, and the abduction of their one-year-old son, Harry. Speaking from London last night, British Minister, Millicent Bagnold, stated that she believes Black has fled to Europe with the child. French Ministry officials have called for the wizarding community to be on the alert for Black, and report any suspected sighting to the Ministry immediately…</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius couldn’t read on. He wasn’t a Death Eater…he would </span>
  <em>
    <span>never</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They needed to leave, France was no longer safe, and by the sounds of it nor was the rest of Europe. “It’s not true.” He said firmly to Harry. Okay, well some of it was true, he was in Europe, and he did have Harry. But the rest was bullshit. “Time to make ourselves scarce, I think.” He picked Harry up and waved his wand around the room, packing their stuff back into the bag. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>After checking three times that he had Roar — that would be a Harry meltdown he never wanted to see — he returned to the lobby to check out. He had no idea where they were going to go. He’d head to the airport and see what flight they could get, but all of Europe seemed to be out. Maybe Australia would be far enough. He should have just up and moved with Harry to the other side of the world to begin with. They could live by the beach, Harry would have so much space to run around. He’d like that; it would be better than some stuffy little flat… as nice as the stuffy little flat had been. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How does Australia sound?” He asked his godson as they left the hotel. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you so much to my beta, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/more1weasley/profile">More1Weasley</a>, for all the help. I really appreciate it!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Sydney</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>As wonderful as Harry had been on the flight to France, was as awful as he’d been on the journey to Sydney. The flight attendants deserved a fucking medal for not opening the door and kicking them out at forty-odd-thousand feet — they had actually seemed impressed by him, the caring and patient single father. On the second flight, from Singapore, one of them had even written the address of her hotel. Sirius had taken it to be polite, but really, what did she think was going to happen? That he was going to leave Harry down in the lobby while he went for an afternoon quickie in her room?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You are quite the magnet, kid.” Sirius muttered to Harry as they got into the taxi. He’d taken a hotel recommendation… from a different flight attendant. Not that he thought he’d be tempted; he wasn’t ready to let Harry out of his sight. In another life he would be promoting Harry to wingman. Well, actually, in another life Marlene would be alive and they would all be happy. “We’ll have a nice long sleep, try and get used to this time difference, then how about we go to the beach?” He asked. He hoped Harry slept at the hotel. Sirius was so exhausted that he could hardly think straight. Though he supposed maybe this would mean he wouldn’t have to worry about nightmares. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The hotel wasn’t half as nice as the one in Paris, but Sirius couldn’t care less. It was clean, and comfortable, and that was all that mattered. He got Harry ready for bed, even though it was still light out, and set up the crib. “Lie down with Roar, there’s a good lad.” Sirius said, tucking him in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No!” Harry shouted, standing back up. Sirius sighed and closed the curtains, darkening the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“See, it’s nighttime.” He said. He would not lose his temper this time. He couldn’t just shout at Harry whenever he was exhausted. James would </span>
  <em>
    <span>never</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No!” Harry wailed, throwing Roar out of the crib, though he seemed to regret this in an instant. “Want Roar!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You wouldn’t have to </span>
  <em>
    <span>want</span>
  </em>
  <span> him if you hadn’t thrown him across the room.” Sirius muttered through gritted teeth. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Don’t yell. Don’t yell. Don’t yell.</span>
  </em>
  <span> He picked up the stupid lion, and then picked up Harry. “Come on, sweetheart. I need </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> to go to sleep, so </span>
  <em>
    <span>I</span>
  </em>
  <span> can sleep.” He said rubbing circles into his back. “I’m sorry there’s been so much change so quickly. Things were never supposed to be like this. Your life was never supposed to be like this.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It took Sirius almost an hour to get Harry to sleep, he could hardly stand by the time he set him back down in the crib. Sighing he brushed the little boy’s fringe off of his forehead. The cut had scabbed over now… at least it was healing. “I love you, Harry. So fucking much.” He whispered, leaning down to kiss his head. Sirius pulled off his boots and collapsed down onto the bed, not even bothering to get undressed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry only woke once in the night, and rather than fighting to get him back down in his crib, Sirius changed his nappy and put him into bed with him. Other than that, they both slept through until the next morning. When Sirius opened his eyes, Harry was sitting up beside him, making Roar walk along his arm. He grabbed his godson by the waist and lifted him into the air.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“After breakfast we’ll go and buy some more summer-y clothes and then how about we go to the beach?” He asked, blowing a raspberry onto Harry’s stomach; he kicked his legs and giggled, and Sirius was sure it was the most precious sound in the world. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The hotel receptionist recommended taking the bus to Bondi beach — Harry was starting to enjoy buses immensely, but Sirius was missing the speed of his bike. The beach was pretty busy, but he bought a bucket and spade from a shop on the promenade and they settled down in a quieter spot. He’d wanted Harry to have the chance to run around, but he was too scared that he’d lose him in the crowd. It should have been Lily and James taking Harry to the beach; they should have been the ones to see him play in the sand. Sirius’s heart ached for all the firsts that they would miss, his heart ached for all the things that Harry would never be able to share with his mum and dad. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Next time we’ll come earlier.” He promised as Harry finished filling the bucket with sand.</span>
</p><p><em><span>Or</span></em><span>, Sirius thought as they walked along a path from the beach in the direction of a rocky cliff top, </span><em><span>they could live on the beach</span></em><span>. He spotted the — well, to call it a cottage would be incredibly charitable — half way up the grass hill and nestled among some trees. He was so busy looking out at the ocean that he might not have</span> <span>even spotted it if it weren’t for the man hammering a ‘for sale’ sign into the ground. Sirius supposed that it had been a cottage at one point, but now it was in a state of incredible disrepair. The windows were broken, and the wood that it was made of looked like it was rotting in a couple of places. But all of this was nothing that a bit of magic couldn’t fix. How wonderful it would be to wake every morning to the sight of that blue ocean. </span></p><p>
  <span>“Hello!” Sirius called, walking up the dirt path to the man with the sign. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright there?” The man said, taking off his sunglasses. “Ben Jones, Jones &amp; Sons Estate Agents.” He said, shaking his hand. “Just moved from England or on holiday?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What gave me away? The accent or the pale skin?” Sirius laughed. “Yeah, just moved here with my son. I’m Leo McKinnon.” Sirius said. He needed to get used to saying the name; ‘Leo’ still felt weird. “How much?” He asked, jabbing his thumb rather unnecessarily at the house. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The owner’s asking for twenty-five thousand, it needs a hell of a lot of work.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius nodded, he supposed most of that was paying for the view. “You think you can show me round?” Ben Jones flicked through a ring of keys and stepped up onto the veranda to unlock the front door. Inside was, if possible, worse.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s safe to walk around, but maybe don’t put the boy down anywhere.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Downstairs had a small kitchen and living room, all open plan, and upstairs there were two bedrooms and a bathroom that smelled like something had died in there. Sirius thought he’d be better off pitching the tent up outside while he made the house liveable, but really, it was nothing a bit of magic couldn’t fix in the fraction of time it would take a Muggle owner. He flicked on the light and tested the tap; it had electricity and running water. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tell the owner I’ll give him thirty thousand if he takes it off the market…cash.” Sirius added, Jones looked at him like he was crazy — maybe he was — before composing his face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where can I reach you?” Sirius jotted down the name and number of the hotel and his room number so they could put Ben through if he called reception, and told him to leave a message if he wasn’t in. Lily and James would kill him if they knew he was bringing Harry to live here… but it wouldn’t be like this for </span>
  <em>
    <span>long</span>
  </em>
  <span>. The outside he’d have to try and fix up the Muggle way, or people would get suspicious, but inside, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Reparo</span>
  </em>
  <span> covered a multitude of sins. He looked down at Jones’s card as he showed him back out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So are you Jones Senior, or one of the sons?” Sirius asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jones Senior. My wife just had our fourth daughter and we’re done. Serves me right for naming the company while she was pregnant with the first. Should have waited to see if I’d actually have a son.” Jones laughed. “She takes our third to a great mother and toddler group, I’ll get the name of it for you. Mrs McKinnon can meet some other local mums.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She passed away, it’s just the two of us now.” Sirius murmured, and Jones looked horrified. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“God, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine, really.” Sirius said, shaking his hand again. “You weren’t to know.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be in touch about the offer.” Jones said. “And I’ll check with the wife, see if dads are welcome at Mother and Toddlers.” He added with a laugh. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright! See you, mate.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius took a look back at the house as he walked towards the promenade. Maybe it would make both he and Harry feel more settled if they weren’t in the hotel for so long. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It took just over a week to get the paperwork on the house sorted; the owner seemed eager to get rid of it… that or he was probably worried Sirius would come to his senses and realise what a dump it was. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll sleep in the tent to start with.” He promised Harry as they walked to Ben’s office to collect the keys. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Leo! G’day!” Ben greeted, standing up from his desk to shake his hand. The office was small and messy. Papers and childrens’ drawings were being held down by a variety of objects from coffee cups to pen holders, saving them from falling victim to the fan in the corner of the room. Sirius jumped as he stepped on a teddy bear that squeaked. “Sorry about the mess, would you believe my girls caused this much damage in half an hour? I suppose you would.” He added looking at Harry. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, Harry makes a fair bit of mess, but at least there’s only one of him.” Sirius laughed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, here you go. It’s all yours.” Ben said, handing over the keys. Sirius thanked him and pocketed them. “Listen, I told my wife, Pippa, about you. She and a couple of her friends go for coffee on Wednesday mornings, and she wants me to ask if you’d like to join them, she heard ‘single parent’ and has gone all mother hen over you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know…” Sirius hesitated, he wasn’t sure he was ready to be around people just yet. Going for coffee felt disturbingly normal, and anyway the more he socialised, the more lies he’d have to try and keep straight.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can take Harry, you don’t have to leave him if that’s what you’re worried about. Just think about it, it’ll quit her nagging me.” Ben laughed. “Newton’s on the Promenade at ten if you change your mind.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius bid his goodbyes and let Harry walk along beside him as they made their way to the house. He unlocked the door and carried the boy inside, setting down their bag.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look, I know it’s not great right now, you used to have such a pretty home, but I’m going to make this a wonderful place for you to grow up in, I promise.” He waved his wand at the bag and set up the tent in the living room. He didn’t really want Harry toddling around the house until he’d cleaned it up a bit. “But until then, you’re staying in here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>While Harry took his afternoon nap, Sirius cleaned up the kitchen and bathroom. It turned out the latter smelled like something had died in there because it had. Sirius wasn’t sure what sort of animal it was, and honestly he didn’t care, he just wanted it out of the house. He was just about to reenter the tent for a break when Strix, Andromeda’s owl, landed on the veranda fence. The poor thing looked exhausted. Sirius picked him up, gently set him on his shoulder and carried him into the tent.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Owl!” Harry shouted happily, jumping up and down in his crib, and reaching a hand out for Strix. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A very tired owl.” Sirius said, setting him down and fetching him some water. He looked longingly at the letter still attached to Strix’s leg, but it would have to wait until he’d give Harry some lunch. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Want owl!” Harry said, trying to wriggle out of Sirius’s arms once he picked him up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, Harry.” Sirius sighed. He didn’t like saying ‘no’ to him, that had never really been his job before. He’d always been the fun uncle that let Harry do anything he wanted, now he had to be the parent. “Leave him to rest.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As Harry ate, Sirius read the letter aloud to try and distract him.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Dear Sirius,</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I believe you. I believe you, I know that you wouldn’t have sold out the people you love. I know that you would never have killed Lily and James. Anyone who can’t see that is fucking—</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius hesitated. “I should probably stop using that word in front of you, your mum would be so mad if you pick it up so young.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>—idiot. Dumbledore and the Ministry have been sniffing around me so I really hope that Strix makes it to you. I can’t say that I’m not worried about what will happen to you if you get caught… I really am. The Ministry is accusing you of all sorts, but you’ve done the right thing. Harry belongs with you. Just be careful, alright? I don’t want to see you thrown in Azkaban. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>As for looking after Harry, he’s what a year and a half? A little less? There’s not much he’s not allowed to eat… unless you know that he’s allergic to anything? I’d try him on lots of different foods. Nymphadora loved tuna at that age. I’d try and stay away from nuts until he’s a bit older. I know it might be difficult given that you’re on the run, but do what you can to keep him to a routine. We didn’t start potty training Dora until she was two, Harry’s still little, don’t stress about it too much. It’s okay if he only has one nap a day, and it’s normal for him to sleep about twelve hours at night. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I know you must feel out of your depth, but you can do this. You’re going to be okay. Write back soon.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Love,</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Dromeda”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“You hear that, Harry? Twelve hours. Think you can aim for twelve in future?” Harry didn’t seem to be listening, he was pushing a slice of banana around the table of the high chair with immense concentration. Sirius felt a little better, he could do this, he could look after Harry. Though he didn’t like to think about what lies the Ministry might be inventing about him. The whole thing made him feel sick. Wasn’t it bad enough that he’d lost his friends? He already blamed himself, he didn’t need the world blaming him too. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mummy!” Harry screamed, making Sirius jump. He hurried down the stairs and into the tent. Strix was flapping his wings indignantly at the sound of Harry’s wailing. Sirius sighed and scooped him up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s wrong, sweetheart?” Sirius asked, rubbing his back and wandering back out into the living room. He’d been up for hours, and inside the house was unrecognisable. He’d cleaned up, repaired the furniture, made sure the place wasn’t going to collapse around them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“S’monster.” Harry mumbled. Sirius frowned, his heart starting to beat a little faster. Had he seen someone in the tent? Or had it just been a nightmare? No, he was being ridiculous, someone would have had to come into the house to get to the tent.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where’s the monster?” He asked, and Harry squirmed in his arms, looking around. Sirius walked him round showing him that there was no one else there. “It was just a bad dream. It wasn’t real.” Sirius had a horrible feeling that the monster in Harry’s nightmares was Voldemort. He could hardly blame him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Want Mummy.” Harry’s lip was quivering again and Sirius held him closer. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know you do, and I’m so sorry that she’s gone. It’s all my fault, I’m so sorry.” He sighed. If he hadn’t been so fucking stupid, Harry would still have parents. “Voldemort won’t ever hurt you again though, I promise.” Sirius murmured. Even if he wasn’t gone for good, Sirius could protect Harry. He </span>
  <em>
    <span>had</span>
  </em>
  <span> to protect Harry. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius took him upstairs, changed his nappy and got him dressed. By the time he was done, the sun was starting to rise. How lovely it would be to eat breakfast on the veranda. Checking that there was no one around he waved his wand at the patio set to repair and clean it up… and, feeling particularly lazy, summoned their breakfast from the kitchen. Harry giggled as the plates skidded to a halt in front of them on the table and Sirius pressed a finger to his lips, and Harry mimicked the gesture. He’d have to be careful using magic out in the open like that, but they were all alone, and it seemed to entertain Harry so much. As they ate, Sirius watched an early morning surfer out in the distance. The beach was deserted, it would be the perfect time to take Harry to run around on the sand. A young woman waved at them as she ran past the house, Sirius waved back and laughed as Harry did the same. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re going to have such a good life here.” He told him, kissing his head as he went inside to get his pen and notepad. He wanted to reply to Dromeda, she must be getting so worried about Strix. Sirius moved his cup of tea out of the way as Harry reached to put his hand in it, and started to write.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Dear Dromeda, </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Thank you so much for your advice. I’m sorry it’s taken so long for Strix to get to me (and probably to get back to you. I’m sending you James’s mirror, I have one too. Just say my name into it and we can talk. It’ll be easier than sending owls back and forth this far. Keep it safe alright, I want to give it to Harry when he’s older. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Love, </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sirius. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He summoned the mirrors because he couldn’t remember where he’d packed them, and wrapped one, attaching it with the letter to Strix’s leg. “I know it’s a long way, but hopefully you won’t have to fly it again any time soon.” Sirius said, stroking the owls head and walking back out with him. “Say bye to Strix, Harry.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bye Six!” Harry called, waving at the bird as he took off from Sirius’s shoulder. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius cleaned up their plates and walked with Harry down onto the sand. Harry was delighted by the sea. He ran from the waves as they rolled up the beach and then chased them back down, giggling excitedly every time the water washed over his toes. Sirius rolled his jeans up to his knees — he should have put on shorts, it was already very warm — and joined in Harry’s new game. His heart swelled seeing him this happy.</span>
  <em>
    
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After they’d eaten breakfast on Wednesday morning Sirius set Harry with his toys on the grassy hill so he could keep an eye on him and climbed up onto the roof. It would be so easy to repair the hole with magic, but he didn’t want people getting suspicious if the place got fixed up too quickly. He had to at least make it look like he was doing the repairs. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The woman that ran past every day stopped when she saw Harry sitting by himself. “Where’s your daddy?” She frowned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He gone.” Harry said, looking up at her. Sirius felt his heart break all over again, the woman frowned, and Sirius thought he better put an end to her concerns.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Morning!” He called down to her, trying to squash down the sadness. “Up here!” He added when she jumped, looking around wildly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jesus! You frightened the life out of me!” She laughed, clutching her chest. “I didn’t realise you were Brits.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t go holding it against us.” Sirius grinned. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hope you’ve got sunscreen on, you’ll look like a lobster sitting up there all day with your shirt off. Has your skin ever seen the sun before?” She smirked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Very funny, I’ll have you know we get as many as three sunny days a year in England!” Sirius laughed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She laughed. “Well, I’m sure I’ll see you tomorrow.” The woman said as she carried on running. Sirius figured that she was probably right about that; he’d seen her every morning since they’d moved in. Eventually, Sirius gave up on the roof, he had tried to fix it the Muggle way, and made a good show of it too. Checking that no one was watching, he pointed his wand at the hole and muttered “</span>
  <em>
    <span>reparo</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” Anyway, he needed to get to that cafe to meet Pippa. He figured he’d give it a go, he couldn’t live as a recluse forever, it wouldn’t be fair to Harry; he deserved as normal a life as Sirius could give him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Leo? Leo McKinnon?” Sirius turned at the sound of the voice. A woman with a small baby in her arms was waving at him from a group of armchairs in the corner of the coffee shop. Sirius figured this had to be Pippa, no one else really knew who he was here. Sirius waved back and ordered himself a coffee, and a cookie and milk for Harry with full intention of stealing most of Harry’s cookie. It was the responsible thing to do, he shouldn’t let him have too much sugar, he’d be hyper. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nice to meet you. Pippa, right?” Sirius asked, shaking her hand and sitting down in one of the arm chairs. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s right, and this is Loraine.” She said, gesturing to the woman beside her. Sirius smiled and shook her hand too. “And this little one here is Lucy.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“So what gave me away?” He asked, he’d not spoken so it couldn’t have been the accent.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ben described you very well.” Pippa laughed. “Though he said you were young, but I didn’t think you’d be quite </span>
  <em>
    <span>this </span>
  </em>
  <span>young.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius rubbed the back of his neck, and chuckled, like Pippa and Ben were all of what? Thirty-five? “I’m twenty-one— two! I’m twenty-two.” He was twenty-two… he’d completely forgotten his own birthday. He’d been twenty-two for almost a month now. Maybe it was for the best that he’d forgotten it. It was his first birthday without James and Lily. It was his first birthday without Marlene…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even Remus had forgotten it. He didn’t blame him, of course, and it was probably good that he had… but his heart still tugged painfully at the thought. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It was a good thing</span>
  </em>
  <span>, he told himself firmly, </span>
  <em>
    <span>that everyone he knew had forgotten his birthday.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“You poor thing, it must be hard trying to do this all by yourself.” Loraine said. Sirius shrugged, pouring the milk into Harry’s cup and breaking the cookie up into smaller pieces. Of course it was hard.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t really have much choice. I’m all he’s got left.” Harry was all he had left too, really. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have any other family that can help you?” Pippa frowned, Sirius shook his head. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mine!” Harry shouted as Sirius stole some of the cookie. Sure, porridge he was happy to share, but apparently that sharing didn’t extend to all foods. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry.” He murmured apologetically to the two women, but they waved him off, he supposed it was nothing they weren’t used to. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So what made you decide on Australia?” Loraine asked as a little boy jumped up onto her lap. “This is my son, Luke. Say hello to Leo, and Harry, is it?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello.” The little boy said before running off again. Harry watched him curiously, but made no attempt to follow. Sirius smiled slightly at the question. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Well, Loraine, Harry here isn’t actually my son. I’ve stolen him and I’m on the run from the British Ministry of Magic. Yeah, Magic is real by the way</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My girlfriend always wanted to move out here, raise Harry near a beach.” Sirius lied. “After she died, I wanted to honour her wishes,so... here we are.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Isn’t England an island?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You ever been to a British beach?” Sirius laughed, it wasn’t even remotely the same thing. “Do you want to go and colour with Luke?” He asked, pointing to the other little boy who sat at the next table with his crayons. Harry shook his head. “He’s not really been around other children much.” Sirius tried to explain. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’ll get more confident, just give him some time.” Pippa smiled, she reached across and brushed Harry’s fringe aside. “Looks like a nasty cut.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Yeah, he got hit by a killing curse from the evil wizard that murdered his real parents.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Car accident.” Sirius lied, he hoped they would just put two and two together and come up with five so he wouldn’t have to elaborate on a story. It would just be easier if they assumed that was how the mother in their fictional family had perished. “So, Ben said you have four daughters?” He asked Pippa, wanting to try and steer the conversation away from himself and Harry.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, Skye who’s seven, Bronwyn is four… though she would want me to tell you that she’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>nearly</span>
  </em>
  <span> five.” Pippa laughed. “Zoe is two and, little Lucy here, she’ll be four months next week.”   </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Girls are nice, you don’t know how lucky you’ve got it, does she, Leo?” Loraine asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-no.” Sirius stumbled, trying to keep the memories of the future he would never have from swallowing him whole. “Though Harry’s really very good.” He added quickly, trying to push aside the coldness that was filling his chest. “I mean, he has his moments, but mostly he’s very good. Aren’t you, Harry?” He asked, blowing a raspberry on his cheek. Harry giggled and pushed his face away. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So what do you do for work?” Pippa asked curiously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, nothing right now.” Sirius shrugged, and when the two women exchanged a worried look, he felt he’d better clarify. “We’re okay, I inherited some family money. We’re comfortable.” They’d be more than comfortable if he hadn’t had to flee. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What, are you some sort of socialite?” Loraine grinned. Sirius opened his mouth, but really she wasn’t far off. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not one anyone has ever heard of.” He laughed, rubbing the back of his neck. Not in the Muggle world anyway.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, if you find yourself wanting a few days work a week, Ben could use some help in the office.” Pippa said, adjusting Lucy in her arms as she started to stir.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks, I’ll think about it.” Sirius said, though he wasn’t sure that he actually would.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As nice as it had been to have conversations with other adults, Sirius felt drained that night. And really, it had just made him miss Remus even more. He didn’t want new friends, he had Remus… and really, he just wanted back the friends that he had lost. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’d not written to Moony, not tried to make contact. Was he missing him too? Was he worried? Well, even if he wasn’t worried about him, he’d be worried about Harry. Sirius should let him know that Harry was alright. He was sure that it was bound to be safe to send a patronus, it had been weeks… though he’d never sent one quite this far before. He sat up on his bed, wand in hand. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Expecto Patronum</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” The faintest wisp of silver shot from his wand; he didn’t think even his first ever attempt had been that pathetic.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Come on, Sirius, get a grip</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He thought of the day he’d sat with his friends, mocking each other's names… they’d all been so happy, but now four of the eight Gryffindors were dead. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The night they’d succeeded in becoming Animagi, that had to work, he’d been on such a high from his own brilliance, from being able to help Moony. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Expecto Patronum.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” But he produced little more than a shapeless whisper. He should have known what Wormtail was back then. He was literally a rat for fuck’s sake. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Every memory he tried to concentrate on was tainted with the agony of what he’d lost. Meeting Harry for the first time, and the pride that had been radiating from James as he introduced his son… Now Harry would have to grow up without him. Sirius tried desperately to blink away tears. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Marlene. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>All those beautiful, wonderful memories that were now ripping his heart to pieces. A sob tore up his throat and he quickly covered his mouth with his hands, worried that he’d wake up Harry in the next room. How could he possibly conjure a patronus, when every happy memory seemed to turn cold as soon as his mind landed on it?</span>
</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>As always, thank you so much to my beta, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/more1weasley/profile">More1Weasley</a>, for all the help. I really appreciate it!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Bondi</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>December had snuck up on Sirius before he’d even realised it. Suddenly he was surrounded by Christmas decorations and festive cheer… all bathed in a blistering heat. The simple fact of it was: it didn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>feel</span>
  </em>
  <span> like Christmas. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He was used to snow and icy winds. He was used to having his friends around him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>In fact, Sirius had fully intended to ignore Christmas this year, Harry was still so young, would he really miss it? But Sirius and Harry had been spending a lot of time with the Jones’, and the girls hadn’t shut up about it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That was how Sirius came to be moodily decorating a Christmas tree on a thirty-nine degree Saturday, a week from Christmas. He was using magic to do it, and Harry tried to catch every red and gold bauble that Sirius made dance around the room before it hung itself on a branch. It felt like something James would have done; he’d have loved this, loved how much fun Harry was having. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It wasn’t fair. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ben and Pippa had invited them for Christmas dinner, and while Sirius thought this was incredibly kind of them, he’d turned them down. He couldn’t face it. He could put on a brave face for Harry, but having to keep up the lies on top of that would just be too much for him to handle. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry made a dive for a gold bauble and Sirius was struck by a sudden idea. He began to root around in their bag, through stuff he’d yet to unpack, and pulled out Harry’s toy broomstick. The boy’s eyes lit up when he saw it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“This is only for inside, alright?” Sirius warned him. They didn’t exactly have a garden that he could play in, but the whole beach had seemed like a pretty good trade off. This, however, was the only downside. Sirius helped him onto the broom and Harry took off around the living room, giggling with delight. He sat down on the sofa and pointed his wand at one of the gold baubles and levitated it just in front of Harry. “Try and catch it.” He told him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sirius had to keep reminding himself not to float the bauble too high — not that the broomstick rose more than two feet in the air — or move it too fast or too sharply, he didn’t want Harry to topple off. His balance on the broom was excellent however, James seemed to have taught him well. After about fifteen minutes, Harry took one hand from the handle and his little fist closed around the bauble. Then he wobbled and toppled sideways onto the rug beneath him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Harry!” Sirius shouted, darting forwards, but he was laughing. He picked him up, grinning. “Well done! You did so well.” He said excitedly. “If your dad could have seen that! I mean, he might have preferred you caught a red one, like him. But he’d be so impressed.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“‘Gain!” Harry said handing him back the bauble, and struggling to wriggle free from Sirius’s arms. He set Harry back on the broom and pointed his wand once more at the ornament.   </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It took Sirius a while to register that someone was calling his name. It dragged him from his dream, a beautiful dream about Marlene — the first in a long time that didn’t somehow involve her death. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sirius! Sirius Black! Sirius!”  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sirius felt his blood run cold, and he sat bolt upright in bed, seizing his wand from the bedside table and sending the rest of the items on top of it crashing to the floor. He knew that voice. Bellatrix couldn’t be here, not now, not when they were just getting settled. There was silence for a moment, and then Harry began to scream… Sirius prayed it was from the noise. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sirius Black!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>No! She couldn’t be here!</span>
  </em>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>He dived for the door and skidded down the landing to Harry’s room. It was empty but for the crying toddler. Sirius pressed his finger to his lips and Harry, miraculously, fell silent. Could he sense his godfather’s panic?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sirius Black!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The voice was coming from his room, but there had been no one there… </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Then it hit him. The mirror. It wasn’t Bellatrix, it was Andromeda.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll be there in a minute!” He called back, picking Harry up out of his crib. “Merry Christmas, Harry.” He said, smoothing a comforting hand over his head. “Sorry I woke you, we’ll say hello to Andromeda and then you can open your presents.” Sirius carried Harry back to his room, flicking the light on as he went and standing the mirror up on the chest of draws. “You frightened the life out of me, Dromeda. I thought you were Bella.” Sirius muttered. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ouch, that hurt.” Andromeda frowned as Sirius set Harry down on the bed and sat beside him. “And hello to you, too. How are you walking around in your boxers in the middle of winter?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sorry, hi. And because it’s a thousand degrees here — don’t you dare tell me if you have snow.” He added quickly, he’d rather not know if he was missing out. “It’s Christmas Morning here and there’s no snow.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“A thousand degrees? Really?” Andromeda asked, rolling her eyes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, obviously not, but it’s hot as fu—” He broke off, remembering Harry was sitting beside him. “Hell.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mummy, Sirius was going to say ‘Fuck’.” Dora grinned, appearing at Andromeda’s side in the mirror. Her hair was long and blonde at the moment, and she looked strikingly like Narcissa. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nymphadora!” Andromeda shouted, but Sirius was sure that he saw the corner of her mouth twitch. The stories he could tell Dora about her mother. “I let you stay up so you could wish them Merry Christmas, but you’ll go to bed if you don’t behave.” When Andromeda turned back to the mirror, Dora rolled her eyes. It was a </span>
  <em>
    <span>mystery</span>
  </em>
  <span> who’s daughter she was. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Merry Christmas.” Dora said.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Merry Christmas…Eve.” Sirius grinned. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So where are you?” Dora asked, and Sirius was sure that she was looking for clues as her eyes darted around. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He can’t tell us, Dora.” Dromeda sighed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, wherever it is, it’s already Christmas Morning, and it’s warm because you aren’t wearing pyjamas and you said that it was hot as ‘fu— hell’, I didn’t swear, Mummy!” She added, at the furious look on Andromeda’s face. “And wherever you are is a long way away, because Strix was gone for ages and he was so tired when he got back.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you training to be a detective?” Sirius laughed. “Like a Little Miss Sherlock Holmes? Dromeda, you’ll have to ask Ted if I got that reference right.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I think you did.” Andromeda said.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you somewhere in Africa? No, I know, Mexico?” Dora asked eagerly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Dora, stop guessing.” Andromeda said firmly. Sirius so badly wanted to tell them, but he knew it wasn’t safe. Not just for him, but for them. Voldemort’s supporters were still out there — and, quite possibly, Voldemort himself — they would want to know where Harry was as much as Dumbledore and the Ministry.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll figure it out eventually.” Dora promised, there was such an adorable determination on her face.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“If you do, we’ll have to move, and Harry and I really like it here.” Sirius said sadly. Dora opened her mouth, but closed it again quickly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s bedtime, Dora, off you go, I’ll come and tuck you in in a minute.” Andromeda said. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Fine</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” Dora sighed. “Bye Sirius, bye Harry.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Bye bye.” Harry said, waving at her, and Sirius felt his heart swell slightly, he hadn’t even had to prompt him. He could hear Dora loudly stomping up the stairs and grinned. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know </span>
  <em>
    <span>where</span>
  </em>
  <span> she gets it from.” He smirked. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Shut up.” Andromeda grinned. “You doing okay? I know today can’t be easy, without James and Lily, without Marlene.”  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t really have a choice, do I? I’ve got to keep going, put on a smile for Harry. What good will it do him to see me moping around all the time?” Sirius shrugged. Even if it was only pretend, he had to put on a smile, today of all days. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know it’s hard.” Andromeda said kindly, but she didn’t. Not really. She still had Ted, still had Dora. This war hadn’t ripped through her life in quite the same way as it had Sirius and Harry’s. “You’ll get through it though, it’ll get easier.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sirius bit back down a snappy retort, she was only trying to help, only trying to make him feel better. The last thing he wanted to do was alienate one of the only people he had left. So he bit his tongue. “Thanks.” He mumbled, trying to sound grateful. “How was your Christmas Eve?” He wanted a change of subject.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It was good, we spent it with the Longbottoms. Nymphadora really likes playing with Neville, and it was nice to catch up with Alice. December has been a busy month, I’ve not seen much of her lately.” Andromeda said. “Do you have any plans for today?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, I’ll help Harry open the stuff I’ve got for him… It’s not much but I’m trying my best.” He added quickly, he was terrified that he was failing him. “And then I think we’ll go to the beach for a bit while I leave the dinner to cook… So, you know, wish me luck with that one, there’s a big difference between scrambling an egg and cooking a turkey.” Sirius laughed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Good luck.” Andromeda chuckled. “Look after yourself, alright? You’re the only other decent Black, I can’t be losing you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Love you too, Dromeda.” Sirius smiled sadly. He really missed her. He put the mirror away and carried Harry downstairs. “Just give me a minute to make a cup of tea and we can open your presents. “You want some juice? Some milk?” He asked, taking both out of the fridge, and pointing to them in turn. “Which ever it is you need to ask for it, juice or milk?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Suse!” Harry said, pointing at the apple juice. Sirius grinned.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Close enough, well done.” He sat Harry on the counter and poured the apple juice into the sippy cup and made his tea. “Alright, presents.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sirius had wanted to buy Harry so much, but trying to go toy shopping with a toddler had been a nightmare. For the last week he’d been taking advantage of every nap, to take him into a shop — Ben and Pippa had offered to watch him while he shopped, and really he should’ve taken them up on it. He had wanted to get him the little leather jacket he’d seen, but the time it was cool enough for him to wear it, he’d have probably been too big for it. He’d just have to get it as a birthday present. Harry seemed happy enough however with his new colouring books and crayons, and stuffed monkey — not that any teddy would ever replace Roar — and toy motorbike. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sirius turned on the radio, and some Muggle whose name he couldn’t remember sang ‘White Christmas’ (Sirius thought this was fucking ridiculous when the closest thing he’d get to a white Christmas was the sand outside), while Harry played. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He couldn’t help but think that Lily and James should be here. They should have been the ones that helped him open his presents. Guilt rolled his stomach and for a worrying moment Sirius thought he was going to throw up. Harry would never get to spend another Christmas with his parents.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The beach was so busy between Christmas and New Year that Sirius was on edge every time he took Harry down there. All the boy wanted to do was run around, weaving in between other beach goers far easier than Sirius could. What he’d give to turn into the dog right now; Harry would be so much more trackable. Every day he was exhausted by noon. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mate, I think I liked you a lot better before you started walking.” Sirius muttered, lifting him up onto his shoulders.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Water!” Harry shouted, pointing at the ocean before wrapping his arms around Sirius’s head. Sirius waded waist deep into the sea and lifted Harry down. He’d been teaching him to swim in the nearby pool, but he was still too little for Sirius to take his eyes off him, and he wasn’t even going to let go of him in the ocean. Harry splashed about happily and Sirius raised him higher every time a wave rolled towards them.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Leo!” Sirius turned to see Skye and Bronwyn swimming towards him. That was what he wanted for Harry, to be that good in the water so young. Bronwyn clawed her way up his back and wrapped her arms and legs around him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Daddy brought us down to the beach.” She said, Sirius looked over at the sand and saw Ben watching them. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I can see that.” He laughed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Can I hold Harry?” Skye asked. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are your feet touching the bottom?” Sirius asked, the water was up to her shoulders. Skye nodded. “Then no, it’s too deep. We’ll go back to shore, you can play with him there.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sirius carried the two younger children back to the sand as Skye swam along beside him, and went to sit beside Ben. “Alright, mate?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Not bad, me and Pippa figured we’d divide and conquer. Not sure who’s got it worse.” Ben laughed and Skye poked him in the side. “You?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m okay, though I can’t believe you didn’t mention how busy the beach gets during the school holidays when I bought the house.” Sirius muttered. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you kidding? The place was falling to the ground, I didn’t want anything to tip you over the edge.” Ben grinned. “It’ll calm down a little when school starts back up.” Ben grinned. “I’m taking these two and Zoe into the city tonight to watch the fireworks, you want to bring Harry along?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I best not. Harry’s terrified of them.” Sirius sighed, he just hoped they were far enough away that he wouldn’t hear them. He was sure that they would be. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sisus do it!” Harry said, handing him Bronwyn’s bucket and spade.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Leo, why doesn’t Harry call you Daddy?” Skye asked. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Because I’m not his daddy.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s a battle I’ve given up on.” Sirius lied, rubbing the back of his neck. He would need to come up with a more long term solution. He wished that Harry was older, so that he could explain that they had to pretend to be other people, but how was he supposed to make a seventeen month old understand all that?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, can I call you, um…” Bronwyn looked around her for a moment. “Sandy?” She asked Ben.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You can try, we’ll see how quickly your toys get taken away.” Ben warned, the corners of his mouth twitching, and Bronwyn pouted. He turned back to Sirius. “If you change your mind about the fireworks, just let us know.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Will Zoe be scared of them?” Skye asked. Sirius smiled, it was sweet that she was worried about her sister. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I hope not.” Ben said, taking his wallet out of his pocket and handing it to Skye. “Take your sister up to the pavilion and get us some ice creams. Don’t forget Leo and Harry, and don’t talk to strangers.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How am I going to order ice creams if I can’t talk to strangers?” Skye asked sweetly. Ben opened and closed his mouth again, and Sirius turned away so that they wouldn’t see him grinning. “Come on, Bronwyn.” she said, taking her sister’s hand and leading her up the beach. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I swear they’re going to put me in the ground.” Ben muttered, shaking his head. “Listen, me and the lads play cricket on Thursday nights, we stopped for Christmas and New Year, but we’ll start back up again next week, you wanna join us? Just don’t bring up the Ashes.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What’s cricket?” Sirius frowned. Ben stared at him in apparent disbelief.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What do you mean, ‘what’s cricket’? You’re a Brit! And a posh Brit at that!” Ben laughed, shaking his head slightly. “You’re having me on?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m not </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> posh.” Sirius said. “Come on, what is it?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s a sport. I’ll try you out tomorrow, you never know, you might be a natural. All you’ve got to know is when you’re out, you’re in, and when you’re in, you’re out.” Ben grinned. It was Sirius’s turn to shake his head, Ben was talking nonsense.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That… doesn’t make any sense!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’ll get the hang of it.” Ben shrugged, helping Harry tip the bucket upside down.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sirius, wake up.” He was stood facing Marlene in the living room. He didn’t want to wake up. Here, in the dream — because it, unfortunately, could only be a dream — they could be together again. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No.” He said, shaking his head and stepping towards her, trying to take her hands. Marlene stepped back.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sirius, wake up!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sirius woke with a start, morning light streaming in through the open window. Something was wrong, he could feel it. He looked at the clock on the wall, it was only six. He should roll over and try to go back to sleep, Harry was bound to wake up soon. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Sirius, wake up.</span>
  </em>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was as though he could still feel her, watching him… if he went back to sleep he’d probably see her again. She’d be so mad. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m awake! What do you want?” He asked the silence, and of course, got no answer. He’d check on Harry and go and sit on the veranda with a coffee, he’d never be able to get back to sleep with all that light anyway. He swung his legs out of bed and padded down the landing to Harry’s room. “Harry?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Panic tightened his throat, constricting his chest. The crib was empty; he was gone. </span>
  <em>
    <span>How could he just be gone?</span>
  </em>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Harry!” He bellowed, charging down the stairs. The front door was swinging open. He’d locked it last night, he </span>
  <em>
    <span>knew </span>
  </em>
  <span>that he’d locked it. “Harry!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sirius ran out onto the veranda, shielding his eyes from the sun as he looked around. If someone had taken him…</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Harry!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And then he spotted him among the waves. Sirius began to run, his heart pounding, but he wouldn’t be fast enough. Not caring if anyone was around to see him, he turned on the spot and apparated to the water’s edge. Sirius ran out to him, and scooped the coughing, sobbing little boy from under the water, holding him tightly in his arms. He was okay. He was alright. Sirius carried him back to shore and set him down in the sand, kneeling in front of him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>ever</span>
  </em>
  <span> do that again!” He shouted, gripping his shoulders and shaking them. “You don’t go in the ocean without me! I’ve told you that! You will drown! Do you understand? You will die!” Harry cried harder, and Sirius picked him back up. “How did you even get out?” He mumbled against his wet hair.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sirius had definitely locked the door, he’d been so careful about that; so worried that someone would find them, that he checked it more than once every night. And yet Harry had managed to get it open. “Great way to start showing magic, by giving me a heart attack.” He sighed, carrying him back up to the house. “Stop crying now, you’re okay. I’m sorry I shouted.” Sirius murmured, stopping for a change of clothes and a towel, and carrying him back to his bedroom. “Let’s get you out of these wet pyjamas.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sirius dried Harry off and changed his nappy. If he’d gone back to sleep, Harry would probably have drowned. It hadn’t even occurred to him that he might be able to get out. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The little boy refused his breakfast, and started crying again every time he tried to put him down. In the end, he gave up. He handed Roar to him and went to sit out on the veranda. At lunch time, Sirius managed to persuade Harry to eat a banana and half a sandwich — he’d have probably had more luck with a packet of biscuits. He rubbed Harry’s temple gently with his thumb as he napped in his arms. “I’m so sorry, Harry.” He whispered. He’d thought that bringing the boy up on the beach would be good for him, now he wasn’t so sure. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Afternoon!” Ben called, walking up the path with a couple of beers in his hand, and Sirius pressed his finger to his lips. “Sorry.” Ben whispered, taking off his sunglasses. Sirius frowned at the sight of the bruise on his cheek bone.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You and Pippa have a fight or something?” He grinned as Ben sat down in the other chair.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“She’d definitely come off better if we did have a domestic.” Ben laughed, using the bottle opener on his key chain and handing one to Sirius. “No, haven’t you seen the news today? It all kicked off in the harbour last night. Turned into a bit of a riot.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are the girls alright?” Sirius asked quickly. Ben nodded, taking a sip of his drink. He seemed to be deciding whether or not to say something. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s the strangest thing.” Ben muttered. “I got separated from Skye and Bronwyn at one point. They were right in the middle of it, and they don’t have a scratch on them. I mean, they’re both shaken up, but they’re completely fine.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, that’s good, isn’t it?” Sirius asked, he should be thrilled that his daughters didn’t get hurt. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, of course it is, it’s just—” Ben broke off, shaking his head. “Don’t worry, it’s insane.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You can tell me, I promise I won’t laugh.” Sirius said.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I think it was Skye. Sometimes I think there’s something… different about her. Pippa thinks I’m mad, but odd stuff always seems to happen around her. It always has.” Ben frowned. Sirius glanced down at Harry asleep on his lap. Maybe if he didn’t know what he knew about the world, maybe even if Harry hadn’t apparently managed to magic open a locked door this morning, then Sirius might have thought that he was insane too. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What sort of things?” Sirius asked curiously.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“When she was a baby, toys I knew that I’d put away would end up in her crib, and Pippa swore blind that she didn’t move them, she just said I was overtired. That tree in the garden? When she was two she somehow managed to climb to the top of it, I’d only taken my eyes off her for two minutes at the very most.” Ben muttered. “I don’t know what she did last night, but I’m sure she did something to stop her and Bronwyn getting hurt. Like I said, sounds insane.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sirius took a swig of his beer to hide his smile. He couldn’t tell him the truth, or at least what he was sure was the truth. Ben would think that </span>
  <em>
    <span>he</span>
  </em>
  <span> was mad. But it sounded to him like Skye would be getting a letter from an Australian wizarding school in a few years time.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Anyway, enough of me and my insanity. How’s your morning been?” Ben chuckled, though Sirius was sure that he was still trying to figure out his oldest daughter. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“A bit of a nightmare.” Sirius murmured, running a hand through his hair. “I took my eyes off of Harry and he almost drowned out there.” He said nodding his head at the ocean.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Shit, is he okay?” Ben asked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He seems to be, but I’m scared to leave him alone now.” Sirius sighed, it was stupid, but he was worried that he’d just disappear.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sirius and Harry had started spending a lot of time with the Jones’. He had taken up the offer of a part time job in the office; it was three and a half days a week, and mostly just answering the phone so Ben didn’t have to be tied to the office. Ben paid him more than he was sure he was worth. Sirius had a funny feeling that Pippa had given her husband a poke, concerned that he would run out of money without any apparent source of income. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It wasn't the money that made it worth it, however, it was the knowledge that his parents would be spinning in their graves if they could see him working for a Muggle. Most importantly though, he could bring Harry with him. He was content to play in the office, and some days Ben or Pippa would be there with the girls. Sirius was starting to grow very fond of the little family. He hadn’t really had the intention of making friends, and yet he realised he’d gone and done just that.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry’s next sign of magic came in April. Mercifully, he didn’t find his way out to the ocean again, although there was just as much tears and shouting involved. Harry’s hair, which had always been as untidy as James’s, was getting long now, and Sirius was finding it harder and harder to find excuses not to try and cut it. The poor boy was constantly having to brush his fringe out of his eyes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After his bath one evening, Sirius sat down with Harry on the living room floor with scissors and a comb. How hard could it be? James had cut their hair all the time. It couldn’t be that difficult. Spotting the scissors, Harry made a mad dash for the kitchen. Sirius dived forward and grabbed him around the waist.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The quicker you sit still, the quicker it will be over.” Sirius sighed. He moved to the sofa and trapped Harry between his knees.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No!” Harry screamed, trying to push himself free. He ran the comb through his hair and started to mimic the things he’d watched James do over the years. He didn’t need to take a lot off, just shorten it a bit. “Stop it!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Harry, please.” Sirius begged as his godson thrashed around wildly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Daddy!” Harry was stamping his feet and digging his little nails into the skin of Sirius’s leg. His heart broke. No matter how much Harry called for his daddy, James would never come. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Harry, stop this. You’re being silly now— Fuck!” As Harry swung his head away, the scissors sliced through the skin between Sirius’s thumb and index finger. “Fuck!” He shouted, not caring right now if Harry would start repeating it. Blood ran down his wrist and dripped onto the carpet. Sirius hurried into the kitchen and wrapped a tea towel around his shaking hand. Sure, he’d experienced pain far worse, but it didn’t mean that this didn’t really fucking hurt. Harry watched him for a moment before his cries turned into sobs. “What are you crying for, I’m the one that got hurt.” Sirius snapped. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>At least it hadn’t been Harry.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sirius threw the bloody scissors into the sink and slumped down onto a kitchen chair. There were spells for cutting hair, he was sure of it, but he didn’t know any. James had always done it the Muggle way, said he found it relaxing. But there had been </span>
  <em>
    <span>nothing</span>
  </em>
  <span> relaxing about that. He picked up his wand and ran the tip along the cut, healing the wound. He looked back up at Harry and frowned. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Is it... longer than when I started?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He’d grown his hair. After all that, the little shit had gone and grown it longer! Sirius got up and crossed back into the living room, picking Harry up to inspect it. It was definitely longer, and now he needed another bath because there was blood in his hair and on the back of his neck.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After this second bath, Sirius put Harry to bed. He fell asleep surprisingly easily, given the drama of the evening, and he sat watching him for a while. </span>
  <em>
    <span>It’ll get easier.</span>
  </em>
  <span> He told himself firmly. He hadn’t  meant to shout at Harry, he hadn’t meant to lose his temper. But it was hard sometimes; Harry was so little, it was hard to make him understand why he had to do things, or make certain rules, for his own good. At least this time it had only been Sirius that had gotten hurt… He was still haunted by the day he’d found him in the ocean. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I love you, Harry. Sweet dreams.” Sirius murmured, pushing himself to his feet and leaning down to kiss his head. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry slept through the night, and Sirius was loath to wake him, but Andromeda frequently stressed</span>
  <em>
    <span> routine</span>
  </em>
  <span> when they spoke. Sirius had woken with an idea and he just had to show Harry that there was nothing to be scared of. There was a salon up on the main road, and Harry could watch Sirius get his hair cut, and then hopefully let them cut his. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He looked in the mirror, his hair was at his shoulders now. Marlene would hate it, not his hair per se, but she’d be worried that he’d not been looking after himself. He’d just been putting it in a bun — that she’d have been impressed with, or at least amused by it; it wasn’t quite long enough to capture her perfect messiness.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sirius returned downstairs and waved his wand at the mess Harry had made over the high chair table. It disappeared and Harry clapped delightedly. Seeing the glint of mischief in his eye, Sirius quickly picked him up before he could make a game out of it.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Suse.” Harry said, pointing at his cup.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you want to drink it, or do you want to drop it so I have to clean it up?” Sirius asked, though he was sure that he already knew the answer. Harry just giggled and Sirius took that as confirmation. He put the lid back on and stowed it in his bag for later, before taking off the boy’s bib and wiping the food from around his mouth. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He let Harry walk along beside him on the way to the salon, though as soon as they got up to the road he took a firm hold of his hand. Harry was less than amused by this, but there were too many cars around this morning. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hi, I’m Vicki! What can I do for you today?” Asked the chirpy girl behind the desk at the salon. Looking at her, Sirius was sure she was around his age, but she seemed so young. Maybe it was just that he felt so old and tired. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, Vicki.” Sirius said, flashing her his best smile, and Vicki’s breath seemed to catch slightly. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Yeah, still got it</span>
  </em>
  <span>. “I’m wondering if you can fit me in for a haircut, and then possibly my son here.” He said, sitting Harry up on the desk. “We had a little bit of a drama last night, I tried to cut it for him and he freaked out. I’m hoping that if he sees it’s nothing to be scared of, then he’ll be more compliant.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, of course.” Vicki said. “If you can hang on for fifteen minutes until the receptionist gets in, I can do you myself.” She turned scarlet. “I’m sorry, I mean—” She was saved from having to explain herself by the phone ringing. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A few minutes later, the receptionist arrived and Vicki showed him through. “Sorry, I didn’t catch your name?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Leo, and this here is Harry.” Sirius said.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re very cute, Harry.” She smiled brushing his fringe out of his eyes, her eyes fell on the scar but she didn’t mention it. “So, what would you like?” She asked, turning back to Sirius. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Just cut it short. It’s way too long right now.” He said, pulling his hair out of the bun to show her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I would tell you I think it suits you, but I don’t want to lose the customer.” Vicki grinned, sitting him down in one of the chairs in front of the line of sinks. “Harry, would you like to help me wash your dad’s hair?” She asked, pulling up a stool for Harry to stand on. Sirius set him down and took a seat, leaning back. Vicki was good with Harry, getting him involved and Harry seemed to be enjoying himself, helping Vicki as she chatted away. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Your grandparents would be so proud, Harry.” Sirius laughed. “They were in the hair care business.” Sirius added to Vicki as explanation. He was trying to keep as many truths as possible, the less lies he had to tell the better.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Back over by the mirrors, Vicki explained to Harry everything that she was doing, and he seemed fascinated. Sirius wondered if this had been how James had started out. He watched him in the mirror, chatting happily away with his new friend. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>God, he looked so much like James. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“There you go, all done.” Vicki smiled. Sirius reached up to run his hand through his now short hair. “Well, don’t go and mess it up!” She laughed. “Doesn’t your daddy look handsome, Harry?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry looked between the two of them for a moment, frowning slightly. “Daddy all done.” He finally said. Sirius felt his heart ache. He shouldn’t be calling him ‘daddy.’ He wasn’t surprised that he was getting confused, but he’d have to try and make him understand. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So, Harry, are you going to let Vicki cut your hair?” Sirius asked, praying that he wouldn’t start growing it back mid haircut. There’d be no way to explain that, and he didn’t really want to have to put a memory charm on the poor girl. Harry nodded and Vicky stood him up on a chair, he was too small for her to reach properly if he was sat down. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How did you get that scar?” She asked him as she wet his hair with the spray bottle. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The monster.” Harry mumbled. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Oh, Harry!</span>
  </em>
  <span> He didn’t seem to be having as many nightmares, but he still woke up crying from time to time. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The monster?” Vicki smiled. “Was it a scary one?” There was something in her voice that said she didn’t believe him, which was good, of course, because it wasn’t exactly something that Sirius could explain to her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Vicki kept Harry chatting as she cut his hair. Sirius couldn’t believe how still he was standing, he found himself feeling slightly resentful towards her. How was this even a little bit fair? When she’d finished, Sirius gave her a generous tip, she really had earned it, and took Harry’s hand. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“See, was that so bad?” He asked him as they walked back along the promenade. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Go beach.” Harry said, tugging on Sirius’s hand as he let them into the house. He lifted the boy up and sat him on the sofa before rooting around in the bag for some photographs. He was careful to avoid choosing any that included Wormtail, Harry was far too young for him to have that conversation. How was Sirius supposed to explain that Uncle Peter was the person who had betrayed his parents to Voldemort? The reason the monster that still haunted his dreams had attacked him? </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We can go to the beach after lunch, but first we need to play a game.” Sirius said, trying to sound cheerful. He sat down and pulled Harry onto his lap. “Who’s that?” He asked, pointing to Remus in the first photo. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Moo Moo.” Harry said. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s right.” Sirius said, flicking to a photograph of Lily and Marlene. “Who’s that?” He asked. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Marley and Mummy.” He said, waving at them as they smiled up at him. Sirius bit down hard on his lip. They’d been so young. So young and so full of life. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s right, well done. And what about this person?” Sirius said, pointing himself out in another photograph. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You!” Harry grinned, turning and pointing at Sirius.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, but what’s my name?” Sirius laughed. Harry frowned and looked between Sirius and the photograph.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Daddy.” He said after a few moments. Sirius sighed. This hadn’t been what he wanted, he’d never meant to take James’s place. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No.” Sirius said, a little too sharply. “No, I’m Sirius. Sirius, or Padfoot, I don’t mind which but I’m not Daddy.” He added, a little softer this time. He wasn’t going to confuse him even more by throwing Leo in the mix. He flicked through the photos until he reached one of James and showed it to him. “This is Daddy, alright? He’s the only daddy you’re ever going to have, and he loved you so much. He adored you, Harry.”  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It felt strange for the temperature to be cooling down as they approached Harry’s birthday; Sirius was used to hot Julys, sunshine and even the occasional heatwave. Their days playing out on the beach became fewer, but his birthday had been dry enough for him to run around in the sand. Sirius had taken him to a bookshop and bought Harry every book he handed to him. Lily would be so happy, she’d wanted him surrounded by books, but Sirius had taken hardly any from Godric’s Hollow. And there were only so many more times he could read </span>
  <em>
    <span>The Very Hungry Caterpillar </span>
  </em>
  <span>before he lost his mind. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Have you had a good birthday?” Sirius asked Harry as he pulled his pyjama top on over his head. “Arms through.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes.” Harry said, pushing his arms through the sleeves. “Read story.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Alright, go and pick one.” Sirius said, sitting down on Harry’s bed. The boy had been delighted to move from the crib to a bed last month, but Sirius couldn’t believe how quickly he was growing up. He’d even begun the task of potty training him, with a lot of advice from Andromeda and the Jones’. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“This one!” Harry said, running back into the room and handing Sirius the book before climbing onto the bed. He looked down at the book in his hands and grinned. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Bambi</span>
  </em>
  <span>. From what he could gather, it was a story about a baby deer, how wonderfully fitting. He pulled back the covers and tucked Harry in. “Sisus, lie down.” He demanded, patting the bed beside him. Sirius did as he was told and wrapped his arm around Harry so he could see the pictures in the book. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Bambi came into the world in the middle of a forest thicket.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Sirius began to read. Harry pointed to the picture of the baby deer. “Yeah, I imagine that’s Bambi. I think I’ll start calling you Bambi, your dad could turn into a stag.” He chuckled. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sirius carried on reading, thinking this was going to be a nice little story about the adventures of a baby deer. He got a little worried when they were chased by hunters, but this was a children’s book. They’d be fine. “What!” He shouted, when Bambi’s mother was shot and Harry jumped. </span>
  <em>
    <span>This was a children’s book!</span>
  </em>
  <span> His heart ached at the thought of Lily. Brave and wonderful Lily, murdered in front of her son. “No, no more of this.” He said, trying to close the book, but Harry put his hand flat on the pages to stop him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No!” He shouted. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fine.” Sirius sighed. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>He reached the thicket, but his mother was no longer behind him.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” He read, pausing to check that Harry was okay. He seemed to be, more okay than Sirius was, anyway. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>‘Mother!’ He called. He called for his mother again and again. The little fawn began to cry.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, no.” Harry mumbled. He turned the page, and Sirius continued. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Then Bambi’s father came out of the forest. ‘Your mother can’t be with you any longer. Now you must be brave.’</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Sirius heard his voice crack slightly and blinked away tears. He was being ridiculous. </span>
  <em>
    <span>This was a children’s book!</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Pogs!” Harry shouted, pointing at the illustrations of Bambi’s father. Sirius froze. He remembered! He actually remembered!</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You mean Prongs?” Sirius asked, wanting to make sure. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, Pogs!” Harry said. Sirius bit down hard on his lip. He wasn’t going to cry, he absolutely wasn’t going to cry. Sirius read to the end and closed the book. So it had a happy ending, but </span>
  <em>
    <span>what the fuck?</span>
  </em>
  <span> “Gain?” Harry asked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Not tonight, Harry.” He said, getting out of bed and kissing his forehead. “My heart can’t take it. Go to sleep now and I’ll read it again tomorrow night.” He just hoped that he’d forget he promised that. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sirius returned downstairs and grabbed a beer from the fridge. He waved his wand around the living room and watched as Harry’s toys put themselves away, before sitting out on the veranda, leaving the door open so that he could hear if Harry needed him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>It was a children’s book!</span>
  </em>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>One, it turned out that bore striking similarities to Harry’s life. If he’d had known, he would never have let Harry choose that one in the shop. Fuck those hunters, </span>
  <em>
    <span>fuck Voldemort.</span>
  </em>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sirius shook his head, he was being stupid. Harry had been fine — sure, he’d been sad when Bambi’s mother had died — but he’d enjoyed the story, so Sirius needed to get over it. He finished his beer as he watched the tourists who still hadn’t left the beach, probably fellow Brits not bothered by the weather, but it was getting dark now. He returned inside, locked up behind him, and went upstairs. Stopping briefly in Harry’s room, he tucked the little boy in. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Goodnight, Bambi.” He whispered.    </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The next morning Ben dropped round some photographs he’d taken of them on the beach the previous day. It was very thoughtful of him; Sirius had forgotten James’s camera, and had yet to buy another, so he didn’t have any recent pictures of Harry. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He should send one to Moony; he’d be amazed at how much Harry had grown. He wondered if Remus had sent Harry a card, but the owl hadn’t been able to find them, then again, owls seemed to have a strange way about them. He was bound to have. It was understandable that he’d forgotten his birthday back in November — Sirius had forgotten it too, and Remus’s — but Harry was different. Sirius turned the photo over and began to write on the back.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Dear Moony,</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>How are you?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No move?” Harry said, coming to sit beside him on the living room floor and picking up one of the photographs from the pile.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, it’s not moving. That’s because it’s a Muggle photo. Only wizarding photos move.” Sirius explained, returning to his letter.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I’m sorry I didn’t write to you on your birthday, I’m not going to make excuses, because I don’t have a good one. I’m just sorry.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Harry turned two yesterday. Can you believe it? Just look at him, I swear he looks more like James with every passing minute. He’s just as much of a little shit too! He’s been showing signs of magic, and scaring me half to death in the process, and he’s in a bed now! I’m not ready for him to be growing up so quickly. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I read Bambi to him last night; you could have given me a heads up that his mum is shot by hunters! What good is it you reading all these muggle books if you don’t warn me about the ones to stay away from?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I hope you’re doing alright, and that the Ministry isn’t causing you too much bother.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Love,</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Padfoot. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sirius conjured an envelope, slid the photograph inside and addressed it. Andromeda had looked into how to get into wizarding Sydney for him, just in case he ever needed it for an emergency, and he was going to use the Owl Office to send Remus the photograph. He got up and looked in the mirror, he’d have to change his appearance a little — just to be safe. What he’d give for some Polyjuice potion, though Harry would probably freak out if he suddenly looked like a stranger. He pointed his wand at his face, giving himself a bit of a beard and turning himself into a blond. The colour really didn’t suit him, and from the look Harry was giving him, he agreed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s not for long. I’ll put it back to normal as soon as we get out of there.” He sighed, putting a hat on Harry to hide his scar, though it seemed unlikely that anyone knew about that. Harry pulled it off and threw it away. “Harry, no. You need to leave this on for now. We have to be sneaky. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Accio.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” He put the hat back on Harry and grabbed his hand as he tried to pull it off again. “Come on now, Harry, we don’t want anyone to recognise us.” He said and Harry pressed his finger to his lips. “Yeah, just like that.” Sirius laughed. “If you’re really good, we’ll see if the Jones girls want to play later.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They took the bus into Sydney’s city centre. The entrance to the main shopping street was similar to the way one entered Diagon Alley. In this case, a bar on the corner of Ash Street and Angel Place. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Morning.” The barman said to him, his hair pulled back into a rather impressive ponytail. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Morning, how do you get through?” Sirius asked without preamble. He’d have been astounded if it was a case of touching the same brick.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Go through to the back room and tap your wand against the door, seven times. Like this.” He said, rapping his knuckle against the bar to demonstrate the rhythm. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thanks.” Sirius said, crossing through to the room. The door opposite was black and handless. Sirius pulled out his wand and mimicked the pattern that the barman had shown him. The door swung open onto a busy wizarding street. Sirius adjusted his grip on Harry, bowed his head slightly, and stepped out. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It didn’t exactly </span>
  <em>
    <span>look</span>
  </em>
  <span> like Diagon Alley, though there were certainly similarities, but it ignited a deep sense of familiarity in Sirius’s chest. Shops selling potion ingredients; brooms; magical creatures. Harry was wriggling in Sirius’s arms, trying to look at everything at once. It had been so long since he had been in the magical world, so long since either of them had, that he couldn’t really blame him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Kitty!” Harry shouted, pointing at a cage of kittens outside of Miss Millicent’s Menagerie. Sirius sighed. They couldn’t get a cat, as nice as it might be. “Owls!” Harry gasped when Sirius sat him down inside the owl office. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Maybe I’ll get you one when you’re older.” Sirius laughed, selecting one of the long-distance owls. He attached the letter to it’s leg and paid the proprietor. “Come on, Bambi, let’s go home.” He said, picking him back up. As much as he wanted to spend more time here, he didn’t dare risk it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Caving to Harry’s renewed calls to the kittens, Sirius stopped outside the menagerie to let him get a closer look at them. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hello, Gary.” Harry said to a ginger one, and Sirius sighed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, sweetheart, that’s not Gary. Gary lives with Remus now.” Sirius sighed, he didn’t know if that was true… he hoped that it was. “Tell you what, if you’re good, I’ll let you see Padfoot. Do you remember Padfoot?” He asked, trying to get Harry’s attention away from the kittens. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He turned away from the menagerie, still trying to engage the boy with talks of dogs and the Jones girls. Sirius was so focused on Harry, he didn’t see the woman until he barreled his shoulder right into her. “Sorry.” He said, shooting her a quick glance before moving on.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Behind him, the woman let out a loud gasp. “Sirius Black! Sirius Black and Harry Potter!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sirius froze. The Geordie accent was unmistakable. Some British witch on holiday had fucking recognised him. He grabbed hold of Harry and turned to face her. Not sure whether to beg her to be quiet or curse her. She drew her wand and Sirius mirrored the gesture. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Stop him! He’s a criminal!” She’d attracted attention now, he could see other wizards drawing their wands. He would never make it back to Muggle Sydney. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sorry, Harry.” He whispered. He tightened his grip on the boy, imagined their living room and turned on the spot. When he opened his eyes back in the house, Harry was screaming. The little boy vomited against Sirius’s shoulder and cried harder. “Shh, I’m sorry, Bambi, I’m sorry.” He murmured, rubbing his back. “I know, it’s horrible. I’m so sorry.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t like it!” Harry screamed, and Sirius reluctantly set him down on the sofa; he had to pack up their home, he didn’t have time to comfort his godson.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Evanesco</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” He muttered, pointing his wand at the sick on his shoulder. “I know, Harry, I hate it too. We won’t do it again. I promise.” Sirius just hoped that this was a promise that he could keep. As he waved his wand and their belongings began to pack themselves, Harry watched them curiously for a moment, still sniffing and with the occasional tear running down his cheeks, before jumping up and starting to try and catch them. At least this new ‘game’ was providing him with a distraction from the after effects of apparition.   </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sirius had no idea where they were going to go, but he knew they had to run again. How could he have been so fucking stupid. They’d been so happy here.    </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I want Roar.” Harry mumbled pointing at the bag. Sirius bit his lip, he’d packed him because if Harry lost him while they were traveling he’d be inconsolable. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s Roar’s nap time, Harry. But we’re going on an aeroplane and you can have him then.” He sighed, and Harry’s bottom lip started to tremble. Harry got up and went to sulk under the kitchen table. Sirius put his appearance back to normal, picked up a notebook and started to write a letter to the Jones’. As much as he wanted to, he couldn’t simply disappear. These people cared about him and Harry, they had become his friends, and he couldn’t just leave them without so much as a goodbye.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Dear Ben and Pippa,</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Unfortunately, Harry and I have to leave, I don’t know how long for. I’ve just received word that my cousin is very ill, and I need to be with her right now. I’ll write to you if it looks like it might be permanent and ask you to put the house on the market. I guess you can also call this my resignation letter. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I’m so sorry that I didn’t have time to say goodbye in person. I want to thank you for everything you’ve done for us. You were friends to me when I didn’t think I wanted or needed anyone — I was wrong. I’ll never forget you, and I really do hope that I’ll see you again. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I’m going to miss you, and I’m sure that Harry will too. Give our love to the girls, and tell them goodbye.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Leo.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sirius cleared his throat and conjured an envelope for the second time that day. He got up and stuck the letter to the front door. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Alright, Harry.” He said, shouldering the bag and pulling Harry out from under the kitchen table. “Let’s go.” </span>
</p>
<p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you so much to my beta, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/more1weasley/profile">More1Weasley</a>, for all the help. I really appreciate it!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. New York City</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry it's been a little while since there was an update, I took a little time off over Christmas and New<br/>Year. As always, thank you so much to my beta, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/more1weasley/profile">More1Weasley</a>, for all the help. I really appreciate it!!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Sirius wasn’t sure what made him decide on New York. It had come to him as he was panicking in the taxi on the way to the airport. Now he just had to hope that there were flights that would get him there. He checked the bag several times to make sure they had everything important — Roar was among one of those important things. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was no direct flight. He hadn’t expected it, but at least he’d been able to get them a ticket on one right away — the quicker they got out of the country, the better. Sirius sat in one of the chairs at their gate, it was getting busy so he pulled Harry onto his lap as they waited to board. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m really sorry about today, Harry.” He said quietly. “I know apparating is horrible, but we had to get out of there quickly.” That had been far too close. Sirius had been stupid to go there, to take Harry there. He’d gotten comfortable, complacent, and completely blown their lives apart. “And I’m so sorry that we have to move again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“See Zoe now?” Harry asked, fidgeting in his arms to look round at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, sweetheart, no.” Sirius sighed. “We’re not going to be able to see them for a little while now.” Or probably ever again. “I did something stupid, so we have go away for a while.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No!” Harry shouted, trying to squirm out of his arms. Sirius suppressed a groan and picked him up. He carried him over to the window and pointed at the planes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Which one do you think is ours?” He asked, wanting to sidestep a melt down. Harry seemed to consider the planes outside for a moment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That one!” He said. It had propellors so Sirius really fucking hoped not. Though he honestly had no idea how any of them stayed up in the air without magic.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, that one is too small.” He laughed. “How about that one?” He asked, pointing to the one pulling up to their gate. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The little one!” Harry grinned, pointing again at the small plane. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, the big one.” Sirius said as Harry wrapped his arms around his neck. “Oh look, Harry, look.” He said pointing at the plane speeding down the runway. Its wheels left the ground and it took off. “That’ll be us soon.” He said, kissing Harry’s head. He didn’t want to leave, he so badly didn’t want to leave. How could he have been so fucking stupid?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius was dreading trying to keep Harry entertained on the sixteen hour flight to California; the last thing he wanted was a repeat of the journey to Sydney. Luckily, after seven hours, he fell asleep, and that meant that Sirius could sleep. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>By the time they reached New York, having slept or not, they’d been traveling for over twenty-four hours and Sirius just wanted to get into a bed. He’d been chatting to one of the stewardesses on the flight from California who, after a bit of his best flirting, had given him a list of hotels for him to try. He just hoped that one of them would have a room. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When they finally reached New York and got a taxi into Manhattan, it was the early hours of the morning. Harry had fallen asleep again, and Sirius thought this was probably for the best. He tried The Bedford first, but they had no rooms available. Second on the list was the Milford Plaza, and thankfully they’d had room. Sirius was a little put off with the sparkly wallpaper in the hall, but honestly, he was just so drained that he was too grateful to really care. He’d been expecting the room to be tiny, and sure, it was small, but it had a double and single bed, space in the corner for Harry to play, and the bathroom was big enough for an actual bath. It would do until Sirius could find them something a little more permanent.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius was able to change Harry’s nappy and put him in his pyjamas without waking him. Harry was so deeply asleep that for a moment Sirius got slightly worried, but then the little boy stirred. They’d get back to potty training tomorrow, there was no way that he’d have been able to keep up with it while they were traveling. He settled Harry in the single bed and used magic to lock the window, they were pretty high up and Sirius was worried about how easy it would be for Harry to open it and fall out. He summoned Roar from the bag and tucked him in under the boy’s arm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sweet dreams, Bambi.” Sirius said, flicking off the lamp and climbing into the other bed. He was in no rush to wake up, but he was sure that the time difference was going to throw him, and it would definitely throw Harry. When they got up, he’d call down for some newspapers, hopefully he’d find some apartments advertised. He should also probably talk to Andromeda, see what was going on in the wizarding world, maybe ask her to check if Remus got his letter. There was so much to do, but he was so exhausted that he was asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius rolled over and felt Harry's little body curled up beside him. He had to admit he was impressed that Harry hadn’t started crying when he’d woken up in a strange place, and simply crawled into bed with him. His heart tugged at the thought that he’d immediately come to him for comfort, usually when he woke in the night he called out for his mother. Sirius reached for his wand on the bedside table and pointed it at the curtains. They opened and the morning sunlight streamed into the room. Harry must’ve been starting to wake up, because he brought Roar up to cover his face. Sirius ran his finger over the sole of one of his feet and Harry squirmed, letting out a small giggle.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Morning, Harry.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry moved the lion away from his face and looked up at him accusingly with those big green eyes, maybe he should have put the lamp on before he opened the curtains. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you need your nappy changed?” Sirius asked and Harry nodded. “Do you want to sit on the potty?” Harry nodded again. “Alright then.” Sirius got out of bed, groaning slightly at his stiff bones. He summoned the potty and a change of clothes and carried Harry into the bathroom to get him changed. He’d give him a bath tonight; he’d learnt now that it was better to do in the evening when possible.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius took some of Harry’s toys from the bag and sat him down on the floor. “You think you can sit here and play like a good boy while I have a quick shower?” He asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m hungey.” Harry whined, and Sirius smiled slightly at his pronunciation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, I’m hungry too. I’ll order breakfast as soon as I get out of the shower.” He promised. After double checking that the window was definitely locked, he left the bathroom door slightly ajar so he could listen out for Harry. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was the fastest shower Sirius’d ever had. He was worried that Harry would find a way to open the window and tumble to the street below, but when he pulled on one of the bathrobes and reentered the main room, Harry was building a tower with his blocks. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Want to go and have a look at some real towers?” He asked, but the boy seemed to be concentrating too hard to listen. He ordered omelettes and the fruit platter from the room service menu and asked reception to send up a variety of newspapers and a map of the city.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“S’tower!” Harry said, pointing at it and looking up at Sirius, he looked so pleased with himself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well done! I think that might be the best tower I’ve ever seen.” Sirius said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sisus do it.” Harry said, pushing it over. He got back up from the bed and sat beside the toddler. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you have a bad dream last night?” He asked as he started to stack the blocks on top of each other.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t ‘member.” Harry said, pushing Sirius’s tower over.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oi!” Sirius laughed, pulling him closer and tickling his sides. Harry squealed and kicked his legs. Sirius added two more blocks to the pile and got up. “Try and build an eight block tower.” He said, already rooting around the depths of the bag for some clothes. Sirius returned to the bathroom to dress and brush his teeth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joining Harry again, he flicked on the television and frowned slightly, there was something familiar about the show that was on. “Hey, Harry, I think this is </span>
  <em>
    <span>M*A*S*H</span>
  </em>
  <span>, your Mummy loved this.” He said fondly, pointing at the screen. At the knock on the door, Sirius took their breakfast and the newspapers from the waiter and set the plates down on the bedside tables to cut Harry’s omelette into smaller pieces. “You want me to get your high chair out?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No.” Harry said, predictably, and pushed himself to his feet. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The omelette’s hot, have some fruit first.” Sirius said, lifting Harry up onto the bed and uncovering the fruit platter. He pulled his own plate onto his knee — they needed to find an apartment with  a table sooner rather than later — and spread the newspapers out in front of him. There were a couple of slightly concerning headlines about rising crime rates, so he’d have to be a little on the wary side, maybe be a little more selective about where they lived. And it seemed like the city had a rat problem; Sirius could relate, he had a rat problem too. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he’d finished eating, he began circling potential apartments for them to look at. There was one so expensive that he would be stupid to blow all their money on renting it, but he circled it for fun. “So, kiddo, what do you say we look at these three apartments this morning…” He said checking them on the map and showing Harry, not that Harry really seemed to care, “and then if you’re really well behaved we’ll go to the park.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He used the phone in the room to make appointments to view the apartments, and packed up some of the fruit in case Harry got hungry later. “Come on, Bambi. Time to go.” He said, turning off the television and shouldering the bag. “You want to press the button to call the lift?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes!” Harry said excitedly, as Sirius locked their door behind them. Harry ran down the hallway to the lifts at the end and pressed the button repeatedly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Harry, no matter how many times you press it, I don’t think it comes any faster… I don’t know, maybe it does. These Muggles invent new stuff all the time— No! Harry!” When they got in the lift, the boy jumped and dragged his hand down the buttons for all the floors. “You little… James.” He said and Harry grinned up at him mischievously. A floor down they were joined by a man in a posh suit and he gave Sirius a disparaging look as the lift then stopped on almost every floor on the way down to the lobby. “You’re going to get me in so much trouble.” Sirius whispered to his godson as soon as the man left ahead of them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The first apartment was in an area that looked nice enough, but it was miniscule. Sirius wasn’t stupid enough to think he was going to be living in a palace, but the second ‘bedroom,’ if you could call it that, had clearly been a built-in wardrobe at one point and there was no way in hell that Harry was going to sleep in a cupboard. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The second apartment already had a new tenant by the time they went to take a look, and Sirius was starting to think this wasn’t going to be quite as easy as he’d been expecting. The third apartment actually was pretty much a palace, it had been the one he’d circled out of curiosity. It bordered the park, on a long street of green awninged buildings, a marble entrance and a doorman. Marlene would have lost her mind. She had always been drawn to beautiful things, things that sparkled like she had — that was why he'd picked a diamond so large for her engagement ring, he’d wanted it to sparkle. Marlene McKinnon had loved beautiful things and as the agent showed him around the grand interior of the apartment with its high ceilings and sunlight terraces, Sirius thought it might have been the most beautiful home he’d ever been in. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“As you can see,” the agent said, “there are stunning views of Central Park, and there are several excellent preschools within walking distance.” But Sirius wasn’t really listening to her. He had no real intention of choosing this. It would be stupid to blow through so much of their money like that. He supposed that he could always pawn the ring he was still carrying around, but the thought of parting with it made him feel sick. How had it been over a year since she’d been killed?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The life they could have had.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He told the agent that he would think it over, and in the lift he picked Harry up so that he could press all the buttons. He shouldn’t be encouraging it, but he could feel a sadness creeping into his soul and it was an amusing distraction. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bye bye.” Harry said, waving at the doorman as he opened the door for them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks.” Sirius murmured, taking Harry’s hand so that he didn’t run out into the road as they stepped back into the sunshine. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Go park now?” Harry asked and Sirius wondered if it was that he’d counted three different apartments or if it was just that the park was directly opposite them. Maybe both.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, we can go to the park now.” Sirius said, trying to force a smile onto his face. They walked aimlessly around for a while along the meandering paths through the trees and Harry got excited at the sight of a playground just ahead of them. “Off you go then.” He chuckled, letting go of his hand. Harry shot off and Sirius followed, taking a seat on one of the benches to keep an eye on him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius watched Harry play with the other children, and he was so glad that he’d let him spend so much time with the Jones girls’, and with children they encountered on the beach, it seemed to have given him a confidence that Sirius had been worried he’d be lacking if he’d had no one to interact with except him. He wanted him to have as normal a life as possible; James and Lily would want that, so he owed it to them, owed it to Harry. He’d lost so much for someone so young. It was the least he could do after getting them killed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eventually Harry ran back over, and Sirius decided to call it a day. He wanted to try and speak to Andromeda and he didn’t know how long it would take to get hold of her; last time she hadn’t had the mirror on her and he’d just had to keep trying. “Shall we get a pizza on the way back?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, pease.” Harry said as Sirius lifted him up onto his shoulders. He felt a tickling feeling behind his ear as he carried Harry out of the park.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A flower.” Harry said happily, and Sirius reached up to check that it wasn’t a bug or something, but he had just tucked a flower behind his ear. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do I look pretty?” He grinned. People would probably laugh at him but he didn’t care that much. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yep!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They took the subway back down to the hotel, and he bought a pizza from a little place around the corner to take back to the room. Harry played with Sirius’s hair as they rode the lift back up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you.” Harry said, and Sirius felt his heart burst. That was the first time he’d ever said it without Sirius saying it first. He frequently told Harry that he loved him, and sometimes Harry said it back, but he was sure that this was the first time Harry had just come right out and said it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you too, Harry.” He smiled.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>After they’d eaten, Sirius settled Harry down with a colouring book and crayons, and summoned the mirror from his bag. “Andromeda!” He called, looking into the glass. He was just about to call her again when a voice chirped up from the mirror.</span>
</p><p><span>“I knew you were in Australia!” It was Dora that appeared on the other side. “That was going to be my next guess before I was told to stop guessing! It was on the front of </span><em><span>The</span></em> <em><span>Daily Prophet</span></em><span> this morning that you’d been seen there!” </span></p><p>
  <span>“Well, it’s a good job we’re not there anymore then.” Sirius sighed. They wouldn’t have had to leave if he hadn’t been so fucking stupid. “You’re reading the newspaper? But you’re five years old.” He teased.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m nine!” Dora said, rolling her eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you sure?” Sirius grinned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You </span>
  <em>
    <span>know</span>
  </em>
  <span> that I’m nine.” Dora sighed dramatically. “Mum! Sirius is here!” She called. After a few moments, Andromeda took the mirror from Dora.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nymphadora, can you make me a cup of tea, please?” Andromeda asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That means she wants to talk to you and doesn’t want me listening.” Dora said, leaning over her mother’s arm to sneak another glance at him before running off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi.” Andromeda laughed, but there was something hollow about the sound. Something was bothering her. “So, you’ve moved on again?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello.” Sirius grinned. “Yeah, we’re back in a hotel again now, I won’t tell you where.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You and Harry are basically the richest homeless people I’ve ever met.” Andromeda teased and Sirius rolled his eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have homes, I just can’t live in any of them.” Sirius sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because you’re a criminal?” She challenged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What is this, ‘pick on Sirius’ day?” He asked, shaking his head and trying not to smile. “You’re such a cow sometimes. What did you want to tell me that you didn’t want Dora to hear?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s about Bella—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Unless she’s dead, I don’t care, I don’t want to know.” Sirius snapped.  He did want to know though, what if she’d killed someone he cared about, there were still a few left out there. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s awful, Sirius. She tortured Frank and Alice Longbottom into insanity.” Andromeda whispered, her voice breaking slightly. “It was in the </span>
  <em>
    <span>Prophet</span>
  </em>
  <span> the other day. It wasn’t just her; they've arrested four people…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius wasn’t really listening anymore, his mind seemed to be stuck on the part about Bella torturing Frank and Alice into insanity. “I’m sorry, what?” He asked, though he didn’t think that he’d misheard.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s so awful. I just don’t know how she could…” Andromeda sat back and looked up at her ceiling and Sirius was sure that she was trying not to cry; Alice and Andromeda had been friends.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dromeda…” He whispered, desperately wishing he could give her a hug. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t, I can’t start crying again.” She said, clearing her throat and blinking away tears. “I went to see Augusta this morning, it was awful. They’re in St Mungo’s now, I can visit next week, but it doesn’t sound like they’re going to know who I am—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s a bue bus!” Harry said, taking Sirius by surprise, and holding it up to show him. There was quite a bit of blue outside the lines, but he was getting better.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s very good, Harry.” He said, before turning back to the mirror. “What about Neville?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, he wasn’t kidnapped by his godfather, if that’s what you’re asking.” Andromeda laughed, wiping away a tear that spilled over.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, that was </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> what I was asking.” Sirius said, glancing over at Harry who was now intently colouring the sky in red.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He was there.” She murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>What?</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can only assume that they hid him, or I’m sure Bella would have… well, it doesn’t bear thinking about. He’s alright, as alright as he can be I guess, but he’s with Augusta. At least he still has her — if he didn’t, Ted and I would have happily taken him in, but at least he still has his Grandmother...”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s just... Godric, that’s horrific.” He muttered, smoothing a hand over the back of Harry’s head. James and Lily’s deaths had devastated him, but really he wasn’t sure who had it worse, he and Harry or Augusta and Neville. Andromeda had lost her friend but, at the same time, Alice was still alive, she could still visit her. Though would Alice even recognise anyone anymore? “I’m so sorry, Dromeda, I know that sounds so insincere, but I really am.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, I know you mean it. I’ve not told Nymphadora yet.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You should soon, before she reads about it in the paper.” Sirius said, though really who was he to give parenting advice? He had no idea what he was doing, he wasn’t even a real parent… Oh, the life he and Marley should’ve had… </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The door behind Andromeda opened, and Dora returned with the requested cup of tea. “Thank you, darling.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where’s mine, Dora?” Sirius grinned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tell me where you are and I’ll bring one to you.” She retorted. Sirius gave her a little clap, she was good, quick. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So how did you get spotted? There’s been no sighting that sounds genuine — oh, there’s been some total crackpot articles where people have claimed to see you, I saved them so maybe I’ll send them with Strix — but there’s not been a single sighting that sounds genuine since you disappeared.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please do, I could use the laugh.” Sirius said. “It was so stupid. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I</span>
  </em>
  <span> was so stupid. I went to the owl office, I wanted to send Remus a photo of Harry, it was his second birthday. I should’ve used the Muggle post again, it was stupid.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ted ran into him the other week. The Ministry were watching him for so long— He’s said they seem to have given up now.” Dromeda added quickly at the look of horror on Sirius’s face. The last thing he wanted to do was get Moony in trouble by writing to him. He supposed that explained the minimal contact that he’d had with him since he’d left. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And what about you, has the Ministry been bothering you?” Sirius asked. He’d never wanted this, never wanted the people he loved to be put under scrutiny.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, all the time, but it’s fine, they don’t know about the mirrors.” Andromeda shrugged. “And Nymphadora knows not to tell anyone, don’t you, darling?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s Dora, Mum.” Dora grumbled. “But yeah, I won’t tell anyone.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks.” Sirius smiled. Dora asked Harry to see his colouring, and Sirius pulled him onto his lap so that he could show her. Dora chatted away for a little bit, asking Harry questions, and Sirius leant back against the pillows listening to the two children. It would be nice if Harry could have with Dora some of what he’d had with Andromeda, even if it had to be from a distance.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius couldn’t believe his luck with the apartment that he’d found. Yes, it was tiny, but Harry would have a proper bedroom and there was a little balcony where they could sit and eat breakfast on sunny mornings. The owner had also told him that they were a couple of blocks away from something called the Lincoln Center and that it was great for music and ballet. Lily would have loved that; she’d been a wonderful ballerina, and Sirius was sure that she’d have wanted Harry to appreciate the arts, as much as she’d have wanted him to love football and literature. Sirius would do his best to make sure Harry grew up to be a happy, well rounded young man.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius was renting it for a year while the owner was working away, and he thought this was for the best; he was reluctant to put down permanent roots so quickly after what had happened in Paris and Sydney. One good thing he’d noticed about New York, however, was that it was easy to just blend in. It didn’t seem to matter that MACUSA was based here, they’d walked right past the building — not intentionally, of course — and been completely unnoticed. Anonymity seemed to be this city’s greatest asset.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A week later, Sirius checked out of the hotel and picked up the keys for the apartment. “Are you ready to go to our new home, Bambi?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, go park.” Harry said. That was going to be a bit of a problem; the park was just about visible from their new balcony. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not today, Harry. We’ve got too much to do. We have to unpack, and go shopping.” He sighed, that was hardly going to sound fun to Harry. The little boy pouted grumpily and Sirius was sure he was debating a tantrum right there in the foyer of the apartment building. “Go and press the lift button, or do you want me to do it?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry ran across the foyer and pressed the button.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius let them into the apartment and dropped their bag down on the sofa. “Welcome home, Harry.” He said. “I know it’s not as good as our last, and definitely not as good as your first, but we’ll be okay.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“S’not home.” Harry mumbled. Sirius supposed he could hardly blames him; his life was being uprooted every five fucking minutes. So much for structure and routine. This couldn’t have been what Lily and James would have wanted. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It is for now, sweetheart. Come on.” He took his hand and led him into the second bedroom. “We’ll get you some new bedding and put up some photos. Yeah,” he said, patting the bedside table. “We’ll put a photo of your mummy and daddy right here. It’s going to be great, it’ll feel just like your last room. And,” he picked Harry up and carried him into the other bedroom. “This is my room. I’m nice and close if the monster tries to scare you at night.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not scared.” Harry said defiantly, and Sirius laughed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then why do you get in my bed at night?” He asked, tickling his side for a moment. “It’s okay to be scared, Harry. I’m scared too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When they returned to the apartment after shopping for food and decor, there was an owl waiting on the balcony table. Sirius set the bags down and crossed to open the door. The owl fluttered in and dropped the letter and parcel on the coffee table.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Owl!” Harry said excitedly, pointing at the bird. It flapped its wings indignantly, lifting off from the table, as the boy rushed forwards to touch it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Harry, be gentle.” Sirius warned, returning to the kitchen area to fetch it some water. He set the bowl down on the table and opened the letter, recognising Remus’s handwriting in an instant.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Dear Padfoot,</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You have nothing to apologise for, I forgot your birthday too. It was days after Lily and James died, so I had a lot on my mind but still, I’m sorry. I’ve been worried about writing, the Ministry has been watching me pretty closely, but they seem to have given up now. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>How are you? I hope you and Harry are safe? I saw in the Prophet that you were sighted in Australia. I don’t know if you’re still there, but I really hope you’re not. You need to be more careful, Padfoot, I mean it, I don’t want them throwing you in Azkaban. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Have you been getting our papers? If not you might not have heard what your cousin did. It’s awful, Frank and Alice are in St Mungo’s and it doesn’t sound like they’ll be coming out. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Wish Harry a happy birthday from me. He’s gotten so big, I can’t believe it. And you’re right, he’s looking so much like James. I don’t know how far this owl will have to travel to reach you, but when he’s rested up, use him to send back a reply.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Love,</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Moony. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uncle Remus says happy birthday, Harry.” Sirius said to him. “Come and open your present.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My birfday?” Harry asked excitedly, pointing at himself. </span>
</p><p><span>“Well, it’s not anymore, it was your birthday, but it took the owl a little bit longer to find us.” Sirius explained as he helped Harry tear the paper off the parcel. “Oh look at these, of course Uncle Remus got you books. </span><em><span>Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See? </span></em><span>We can check that you know your colours.” He said, flicking through it.</span> <span>“</span><em><span>The Mouse and the Motorcycle</span></em><span>. Remus is a funny, funny man.” Sirius laughed, it seemed to be more of a short little novel, probably a bit too old for Harry right now, so clearly Remus was taking the piss. “And </span><em><span>The Tiger Who Came to Tea</span></em><span>, we can read one of these tonight.”</span></p><p>
  <span>“Read now?” Harry asked, opening </span>
  <em>
    <span>The Tiger Who Came to Tea.</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You can read it now, but I have to put the food away and get your room ready.” Sirius said, getting up and taking Roar out of the bag. “How about you read the story to Roar.” He handed him over. It would have been better if it had been called </span>
  <em>
    <span>The Lion Who Came to Tea</span>
  </em>
  <span>, but oh well. As he put their food away he listened to Harry chatting to Roar. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius put the dragon bedding that Harry picked out on the bed and unpacked his clothes and toys. He put a photograph of Lily and James in one of the frames that he’d bought and set it down on the bedside table. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m really trying, I promise I am.” He whispered. He went to his room and unpacked his own things, before putting more photographs up in the rest of the house. He didn’t want Harry forgetting all the people that had loved him so much. He glanced over at Harry, he’d set the book aside and was swinging his legs, looking patiently over at Sirius. “What do you want?” He asked, he had that look on his face, he was about to ask for something, but Sirius really didn’t want to give him biscuits or sweets before dinner. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Play wiv Pafoo?” Harry asked. Sirius laughed. Well, that wasn’t so bad. He dropped down to all fours as he turned into the dog. He wasn’t sure if it was better that he was letting Harry see him turn into it or not. He was going to get older and tell people that his godfather could turn into a dog, and no one would believe him. He’d just have to add it to the ever growing list of things he had to explain to him, and things he’d have to warn him to keep to himself. The two chased each other around the coffee table for a while, a game of tag that sent Harry into a wave of giggles every time Sirius caught up with him and licked his cheek before running off. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eventually Harry seemed to tire of the game and, with his hand buried in Sirius’s fur, wandered out onto the balcony. He tried to climb up over the balustrade, and Sirius quickly grabbed the back of his t-shirt in his teeth to stop him falling. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sa wiver!” He said, pointing to the river at the west of them. Sirius just hoped he didn’t look east and see how close they were to the park. They settled down in the afternoon sun and Harry snuggled into his fur, lazily making Roar walk across his back. “I’m hungey now.” Harry sighed. Sirius got up and padded back into the apartment, to turn back into the man, the last thing he needed was any of the neighbours seeing him change. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright,” Sirius said, coming back out onto the balcony. “Go and sit on the potty while I put the chicken in the oven.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t need to.” Harry said, Sirius raised his eyebrows, he thought that was highly unlikely, he just didn’t want to go inside.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Humour me.” He said, lifting Harry to his feet and ushering him into the bathroom. “We can eat out in the sunshine.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius put the food in and chopped up some carrot sticks for Harry to snack on while they waited for the chicken pasta. Once it was ready, he dished the food out into bowls and carried them out onto the balcony. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on, Bambi, you can carry on building your tower when you’ve finished eating.” He called back inside and waited for Harry to join him. “Would you like to go to the top of a real tower tomorrow?” He’d seen adverts for a few in the city that had observation decks. Harry’s eyes lit up. Sirius supposed he shouldn’t be surprised, Harry was constantly climbing, trying to get as high in the air as he could. There was no danger that he was scared of heights, another thing that boded well for a Quidditch future.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry scooped a forkful into his mouth and said, “All of them!” His cheeks bulging with pasta shells, like he was some sort of hamster. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t talk with food in your mouth.” Sirius said. “We can go up all the ones that people are allowed to visit.” He promised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span> “Hi there.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius startled, almost choking on his pasta as he looked around to see an elderly woman on the adjacent balcony. “Hello.” He replied, forcing the food down his throat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your dog was very sweet with your son.” She said, and Sirius smiled. “He’s a big dog though, don’t you worry about leaving him alone with a toddler?” The woman asked, and he resisted the temptation to roll his eyes. She was going to be one of </span>
  <em>
    <span>those</span>
  </em>
  <span> neighbours.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not at all. Padfoot loves Harry. Sometimes I almost think he’s human.” He grinned. “You wouldn’t even know we had a dog.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, that’s good. I never thought Mr Adams would have allowed pets in his apartment.” She said, and Sirius just shrugged. “I’m Mrs Rowan, let me know if you ever need someone to watch your little one, he really is adorable.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you. I’m Leo, Leo McKinnon.” He heard the buzzer from Mrs Rowan’s apartment and she turned away, giving him a last smile and waving at Harry before shuffling inside, saving Sirius from further conversation. He was about to mutter about how nosy she was going to be to Harry but stopped himself just in time. It wasn’t something he wanted the little boy parroting to her. He needed to get along with his neighbours, not draw attention with meanness and snark. “Come on, Bambi, let’s go in.” He said, picking up their bowls and heading inside to drop them in the sink.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sisus, are you big?” Harry asked, climbing up onto the sofa.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you mean am I old or am I tall?” Sirius asked, sitting down beside him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Old.” Harry clarified, reaching up to play with his hair. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I’m only twenty-two.” Sirius said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s old.” Harry giggled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oi!” Sirius said, grabbing him around the waist and pulling him onto his lap so he could blow a raspberry on the little boy’s tummy. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I live wiv you forvever and ever?” Harry asked. Sirius thought his heart might burst, he couldn’t be doing too bad a job if Harry </span>
  <em>
    <span>wanted</span>
  </em>
  <span> to stay with him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hope so.” Sirius smiled. What would happen to Harry when they came out of hiding so he could go to Hogwarts though, he wasn’t sure. Sirius would likely be sent to Azkaban. Sure there were other magical schools in the world, but Harry had to go to Hogwarts, it was one of the only things that Sirius was sure Lily and James would have wanted for his life… and he’d only go to Ilvermorny over Sirius’s dead body. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’d take Azkaban later if he could keep Harry now. It would be worth it, he just hoped that after all this, Harry wouldn’t end up with the Dursleys. Almost anyone would be better. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m going to keep you for as long as I’m allowed to.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Manhattan</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sirius was woken on Hallowe’en by Harry prying his eyelids open. </p>
<p>“Don’t do that.” He muttered, pushing the little boy’s hands away and pulling the duvet over his head. He wasn’t in the mood for this. Didn’t Harry know what today was? He wanted to have fun on Hallowe’en; the older children in the park had been telling him all about it, but Sirius didn’t even want to get out of bed. His heart was too heavy. </p>
<p>It was too much. It was too hard.  </p>
<p>He felt Harry crawl under the duvet and up the bed to tuck his head under Sirius’s chin. “Sisus, it’s morning!” He sang happily. Sirius pulled the duvet back down and cuddled Harry close. </p>
<p>“Five more minutes.” He mumbled into the little boy’s hair. He didn’t know what to do. Should he explain to him that it had been a year since his parents had been killed? Or just let him enjoy the day, go trick or treating like Muggle children? The latter felt kinder; Sirius would just have to force a smile onto his face. </p>
<p>“How long’s five mituts?” Harry asked. </p>
<p>“Five lots of sixty seconds.” Sirius groaned. Harry would keep asking questions until he got up; he’d been getting more inquisitive with every passing day.</p>
<p>“Go teating?” Harry turned in Sirius’s arms and sat Roar on his head. </p>
<p>“You want to go trick-or-treating?” He asked, opening his eyes and looking at the clock. <em> 6am! </em> This kid was supposed to be James’s problem. How had it been a year?</p>
<p>“Yeah!” Harry said excitedly. That meant Sirius was going to have to go out and try to get him a costume; all he wanted to do was stay in bed and wallow in his misery. </p>
<p>“What do you want to dress up as?” Sirius asked, almost dreading the answer. </p>
<p>“A kumpin!” </p>
<p>“A pumpkin? I’ll try my best, we’ll see what the shop has left.” Sirius promised. “Have you been on the potty?”</p>
<p>“Umm… yes.” </p>
<p>“Have you really?” Sirius asked, not believing him for a minute.</p>
<p>“No.” Harry admitted. He’d gotten a lot better during the day, only a few accidents, now Sirius was trying to get him to take himself in the morning. </p>
<p>“Right, well go and sit on the potty and call me when you’re done, I’ll get up then.” He bargained, that should give him at least a little more time. He couldn’t wait until Harry was old enough to make him a coffee. </p>
<p>Harry slid off the bed and Sirius could hear the patter of his feet against the floor as he ran to the bathroom. </p>
<p>He pulled the pillow over his head. He didn’t even know where Lily and James were buried. At least he’d been able to go to Marlene’s funeral; at least he’d been able to visit her grave. He just wished that he could put flowers down for Lily and James today. Maybe Harry was a little too young to take there just yet, but he needed to find out where they were so he could take him when he got older. Maybe he could ask Andromeda to visit them today. He thought of Remus, probably feeling as miserable as he did. At least he had Harry to distract him, Remus was all on his own. He hoped that Mary would think to visit him, someone should keep him company today. </p>
<p>“Sisus!” Harry called. Sirius sighed and dragged himself out of bed. Harry wasn’t going to let him have any more time to stew in sadness. </p>
<p>He sent Harry to choose some clothes while he took a shower. He could feel tears welling up and he didn’t want the boy to get upset too. He pressed his forehead to the tiles, letting the noise of the water mask his sobs. He hadn’t been so lonely in Australia; he’d missed his friends everyday, missed Marlene more than he could stand, but he’d had the Jones’. He knew that he should try to make friends here, but what was the point? He’d end up doing something stupid and have to take Harry and run again.</p>
<p>“<em> Get a grip. </em>” He growled, hitting his fist against the shower wall. He took a few steadying breaths and straightened up to wash his hair. It was getting long again, he’d try to get it cut today; Harry’s too, after the drama of last time he wasn’t sure he wanted to do it himself. </p>
<p>“Sisus, look!” He heard Harry call. Sirius shut off the water and pulled back the shower curtain. He had to laugh as he wrapped the towel around his waist. Harry had returned to the bathroom wearing one of Sirius’s t-shirts; it looked like a dress on him. He supposed he should have clarified that he needed to choose some of his own clothes. </p>
<p>“That wasn’t what I meant.” He grinned, picking the toddler up as he started to giggle. “You <em> know </em> that wasn’t what I meant.” Sirius took the shirt off of Harry and dressed him. “Go and play while I get ready.” </p>
<p>“Want to go teating,” Harry said again. Sirius bit back a sigh, clearly he wasn’t going to forget about this. </p>
<p>“It’s too early. We have to wait until night time. What do you want for breakfast?” </p>
<p>“Stamble eggs.” The boy said, following Sirius into his room and watching as he searched around for some clothes.</p>
<p>“You’re just too cute. It’s ridiculous.” Sirius said, he debated asking Harry to get the eggs out ready, but that would only end in disaster. </p>
<p>After dressing, he went to the kitchen to make breakfast. Sirius turned the television on for Harry while he cooked; it looked a little too cold this morning to sit out on the balcony and eat. He set the table and called Harry over. “I’m going to get my hair cut today, are you going to let them do yours?” </p>
<p>“No, go teating.” Harry said. Sirius rolled his eyes.</p>
<p>“Yes, I’m going to take you trick-or-treating tonight. It’s not one thing or the other. I just want you to be a good boy and let the barber cut your hair this morning.” He reached over and brushed Harry’s hair out of his eyes. No matter what Sirius did with it, it was always as messy as James’s. </p>
<p> To Sirius’s relief, Harry behaved while his hair was cut, and there were no tears and tantrums with him growing it back. While Sirius had his cut, Harry told everyone in the barbershop that he was going to be a pumpkin tonight.  He just hoped that he could find a costume for him. </p>
<p>He’d spotted a costume shop on his way to the barbers, so he took Harry there when they left. The boy’s eyes lit up as they entered. </p>
<p>“Kumpin!” He said pointing at one of the stands at the back. It was adorable, like a big stuffed toy pumpkin he could wear. It was so cute that Sirius was very tempted to make it bigger each year so that Harry could wear it every Hallowe’en, or at least every Hallowe’en he’d let him get away with it. Sirius found the toddler’s size and handed it over to the man behind the counter. </p>
<p>“Sisus needs one.” Harry said looking around the shop. Sirius groaned. He didn’t want to dress up, he wasn’t in the mood, he just wanted to take Harry out, let him get high on sugar, and struggle to put him to bed. </p>
<p>“No, Harry, I’m not wearing a costume.” He sighed. </p>
<p>“Kawky” Harry said, pointing at the green army jacket.</p>
<p>“What’s he saying?” The shop worker asked, seemingly amused by the whole thing. </p>
<p>“Hawkeye.” Sirius said, rolling his eyes. “The only thing he wants to watch is <em> M*A*S*H </em>, it’s ridiculous. He’s two years old and it’s his favourite show.” </p>
<p>“I think it’s everyone’s favourite show.” The man laughed. </p>
<p>“Have you got one of those things doctors wear around their necks?” Sirius asked, not able to remember the name.</p>
<p>“A stethoscope?”</p>
<p>“That’s the one.” Sirius said, putting the jacket next to the pumpkin costume. The man added a stethoscope and a martini glass. He hadn’t wanted to dress up at all and now he had props. He paid and led Harry from the shop before he could get any more ideas. He knew that he shouldn’t complain too much, without Harry to keep him moving through each day, there wouldn’t really be any point in carrying on. </p>
<p>***</p>
<p>When Sirius got Harry into his costume that evening, he took as many photos of him as the boy allowed. It was unbelievable how adorable he looked. The big round orange pumpkin, a puffy orange hat, and the green shirt and leggings. It was just too much. Remus was going to lose his mind when he sent a photograph to him. </p>
<p>He picked him up as best he could in the costume and carried him out. The other parents in the park had said that West 69th street was the best for trick-or-treating, and it was only a few blocks away. </p>
<p>“Are you ready to get lots of sweets?” Sirius asked, and Harry kicked his legs excitedly. He’d had no sugar today and he already seemed hyper. </p>
<p>He set Harry down and took his hand, the residents of this stretch of road had gone all out: jack o’lanterns, skeletons, bats, grave stones, cobwebs. Sirius never would have imagined one of these quiet little streets would transform itself so completely for something like Hallowe’en. Sirius was a little worried that it might be too frightening for him, he wanted Harry to have fun, not give him nightmares. They walked up the steps to the first house, and Sirius had to fight back a laugh as they passed a witch with a cauldron. He pressed the bell and tried to nudge Harry forwards slightly, but the little pumpkin seemed to have glued himself to Sirius’s leg. </p>
<p>“What do you say?” He asked, kneeling down beside him when the man opened the door. </p>
<p>Harry hesitated for a moment and then held up his little bucket. “Tick teat?” </p>
<p>Sirius thanked the man as he tipped some sweets into the bucket. Harry seemed to get a little more confident with each house — he chose to skip the house with the skull dangling over the steps when Harry tightened his grip on his hand — but by the seventh house, the boy knocked on the door himself.</p>
<p>“Oh, look at you! You’re so cute!” The young woman who answered the door cooed. </p>
<p>“Tick teat?” Harry asked and Sirius grinned as the woman melted, and handed him more sweets than he was sure she could possibly have given other children. That was the little heartbreaker he loved. </p>
<p>“Would your dad like some?” She asked Harry, and Sirius bit down hard on his tongue. He couldn’t let himself snap at an innocent bystander, especially not one this pretty. She had no idea why that hurt; no idea that tonight of all nights he didn’t want to be referred to as Harry’s dad. Before he could say anything the woman tipped some sweets into Sirius’s empty martini glass. </p>
<p>“Oh, thank you.” Sirius said. </p>
<p>“You’re British?” She asked excitedly and Sirius nodded, he’d gotten that a few times since they’d arrived. The accent seemed to be going over well with the Manhattan women, but he wasn’t sure he was ready for that sort of attention just yet. “Well, maybe I’ll see you around if you live round here.” </p>
<p>“I do, so yeah, maybe.” Sirius said, taking Harry’s hand again. “Come on, pumpkin.” He wanted to take Harry home now, he’d had enough.</p>
<p>“Next one!” Harry said, pointing down the street.</p>
<p>“No, it’s time to go home, don’t you want to eat some of those sweets?” He asked, hoping to distract him. Harry looked down the street, and then into his bucket, seeming to be giving his options a lot of thought. </p>
<p>“Yeah.” He said. Sirius picked Harry up and headed back to the apartment.</p>
<p>“Have you had a nice time?” He asked as they rode the lift up to their floor, and Harry nodded. “Just wait until you’re at Hogwarts for Hallowe’en. You’re going to love it, it’ll make that street look bare.” He promised. “You’ll have to write and tell me all about it... When I’m in Azkaban.” He added under his breath.</p>
<p>Sirius opened the door and Harry ran in ahead of him. He shrugged off his jacket and threw it on the sofa. “Pick out which chocolates you want to eat tonight!” He called, if James and Lily were still alive, he would let Harry stuff his face with the whole bucket and send him home bouncing off every wall, but he had to be the responsible one. Though they’d have probably gotten their revenge with his own child—</p>
<p><em> No. </em> He couldn’t think about that. He was never going to have that life with Marley now. </p>
<p>He wanted a drink, but he was trying not to turn to alcohol when he was so sad. He’d promised Lily, and that was before they’d… before Harry was his responsibility. They sat together on the sofa eating their chocolates and watching television, and then Sirius went through Harry’s bedtime routine almost on autopilot. </p>
<p>“Read Bambi?” Harry asked as Sirius helped him step into his pyjama bottoms. </p>
<p>“Does it have to be Bambi? I’ll read you a story, but I can’t read Bambi to you tonight.” It was too much, he didn’t know how he’d be able to get through it without breaking down. </p>
<p>“Pease, Sisus?” Harry asked, as Sirius tucked him in. </p>
<p>“Harry, I can’t tonight, I’m too sad.” He sighed, crossing his arms on the bed and resting his chin on them. </p>
<p>“Why?” </p>
<p>This was it, he’d been on the fence about telling him all day, now Harry was asking and he had to decide. Or maybe he’d already decided, when he’d told him that he was sad. He’d known Harry would ask why, he was such a sensitive little boy.</p>
<p>“Last Hallowe’en was the night that the monster took your mummy and daddy away.” Sirius said quietly. “So I’m very sad today. I love them so much and I really miss them. Do you understand?” </p>
<p>“Yeah.” Harry eventually mumbled, his bottom lip trembling, and Sirius was sure he was about to start crying. How could he just kiss him goodnight and go about his evening when he was the one that had brought Harry right down from the wonderful day he’d had?</p>
<p>“Do you want to sleep in my bed tonight?” He asked. Harry nodded and he picked him up. Sirius tucked Harry in and got into bed beside him; he’d stay there until Harry fell asleep, it was far too early for him just yet. </p>
<p>Harry snuggled into his side and Sirius rubbed his back. He shouldn’t have told him, he was too little, it wasn’t fair. He felt like everything he did was letting James down, like every decision was ruining Harry’s life. The little boy’d had a good day, what the fuck had he gone and done that for? This was the sort of thing they should have taught in school: what to say on the anniversary of your best friends’ deaths to their son who you kidnapped, when he wants to read a story about a baby deer whose mum was killed, when his dad could turn into a deer? Well, maybe that was a little bit too specific for a school subject.</p>
<p>It should be Marlene here instead of him. She would be better at this, know better what to say. If he’d just gone with her that night, maybe he could have bought her time to run, protected her. </p>
<p>Though hadn’t that been what James had tried to do for Lily? And it hadn’t worked. </p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“Sisus!” </p>
<p>“Happy birthday, Sirius!”</p>
<p>Sirius rolled over, and flicked on the lamp. Harry had climbed up onto the bed and was holding the mirror. Dora was waving from the other side, and he grinned.</p>
<p>“Thanks.” He said, taking the mirror from Harry and setting it on the bedside table.</p>
<p>“Harry, give him the card.” Dora said out of the corner of her mouth, and Harry pulled a badly folded page from his colouring book from behind his back. He’d scribbled with his crayons and it looked like Dora had tried to talk him through writing ‘To Sirius, Happy Birthday, Love Harry’, he could make out a couple of poorly formed letters. </p>
<p>“Happy Birfday.” Harry smiled, and Sirius had to blink away tears. </p>
<p>“Thank you, Harry. This is the best card I’ve ever been given.” He smiled, kissing the little boy on the cheek. “Thanks, Dora.” He added, really it was very thoughtful of her to have Harry do that. </p>
<p>“Happy Birthday.” Andromeda said, appearing beside Dora. Sirius beamed, he hadn’t expected any of this, he’d intended to ignore his birthday this year, but this really was very sweet. “I’ve sent Strix, hopefully he gets there today, but it’s hard to judge when I don’t know where you are.” </p>
<p>“You didn’t have to.” Sirius mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck, Strix wasn’t getting any younger and crossing the Atlantic wasn’t exactly a short trip.</p>
<p>“Come on, you’re the only other decent Black, if I could visit you, I would.” Andromeda said.</p>
<p>“Oh, Mum, can we?” Dora asked, and Andromeda rolled her eyes. Sirius would like nothing more, but he was worried about telling them, worried for them, and for Harry and himself.</p>
<p>“Maybe when I’m back in Britain.” Sirius said.</p>
<p>“You’re coming back?” Andromeda asked sharply. </p>
<p>“Well, eventually. Even if I put Harry in a Muggle school here — which I’d rather not, I’d rather he goes to one back home — he’ll be going to Hogwarts.” Sirius explained. </p>
<p>“That means you’ll have to come out of hiding.” Andromeda frowned. “You can’t, they’ll put you in Azkaban, what, do you want a cell opposite Bella?”</p>
<p>“I don’t <em> want </em> to go to Azkaban, but I figured that was going to be a possibility when I took Harry.” Sirius explained. He just had to make the most of the years he had left with him, and hope that he could convince the Ministry that he was innocent. </p>
<p>“What’s Zaban?” Harry asked.</p>
<p>“It’s—”</p>
<p>“Dora don’t.” Sirius said quickly, cutting her off. “I’ll tell you about it when you’re a little bit older, Harry.” He didn’t want to deal with the nightmares. </p>
<p>“Fine.” Dora sighed, brushing her hair dramatically over her shoulder. “What are you doing today?”</p>
<p>“Well, I don’t think Harry’s going to let me stay in bed all day—”</p>
<p>“Go tower.” Harry said, crawling up into Sirius lap. </p>
<p>“Again? It’s going to be cold up there.” He sighed. It was probably good for him to keep busy, keep distracted. </p>
<p>“So there’s a tower where you are, I’ll add that to my list.” Dora said triumphantly.</p>
<p>“Nymphadora.” Andromeda warned. “We’ll leave you to get on with it, but I’ll make sure I have the mirror on me all day in case you need to talk. Anytime, alright? Don’t worry about waking me up.” </p>
<p>“Thanks.” Sirius said. He really missed her. Missed her, missed Remus, Mary, Dorcas, Lily, James, Marlene… he’d never felt so alone. He put the mirror away and tried to stand Harry’s ‘card’ on the bedside table, but it flopped back over. “That really is the best card I’ve ever received, Bambi. Do you want to go out for breakfast?” The boy nodded, grinning up at him. “Alright, come on, let’s get ready.”</p>
<p>He got up and lifted Harry down from the bed. As he crossed through the living room to Harry’s room, he spotted all the crayon scribbled onto the coffee table. He went back to his own room for his wand; he needed to clean that up, this furniture didn’t belong to them. </p>
<p>“<em> Scourgify </em>.” He muttered, and the crayon marks vanished. He didn’t have it in him to tell Harry off, he’d been trying to do something nice; sure it was with Dora’s guidance but it was still lovely. “You’re a mucky pup, Harry.”  </p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Pippa had never been able to understand why Sirius never had a pushchair for Harry. Honestly, he’d forgotten to take it from Godric’s Hollow and just hadn’t bought another. But as Harry got older and more independent he was more prone to bolting. It hadn’t been so bad when they’d lived on the beach, but there was so much traffic in Manhattan. </p>
<p>He’d been worried about trying to protect Harry from Death Eaters out there, but it seemed like cars were a more pressing threat. Harry tried to tug his hand out of Sirius’s grip. </p>
<p>“Are you going to stop when you get to the road?” Sirius asked.</p>
<p>“No.” Harry grinned, and he tightened his grip.</p>
<p>“Then you need to hold my hand. I’m going to buy you a pushchair if you keep this up. Maybe some baby reins like Pippa and Ben had for Zoe.” Sirius warned, and Harry stopped trying to pull away. As they crossed through the courtyard of the Lincoln Centre, Sirius spotted a poster for <em> The Nutcracker </em>. He crouched down beside Harry and pointed to the ballerina. “Your mummy used to do that, do you remember?” Harry shook his head, Sirius would have to look and see if he had any photos of Lily dancing to show him. “Let’s go and see if we can get tickets, though they might say you’re too little.”</p>
<p>“Not little.” Harry pouted, and Sirius decided not to argue the point. He picked Harry up and carried him into the theatre, sitting him up on the counter of the box office. </p>
<p>“Hello there, how can I help you?” Asked the man behind the desk.</p>
<p>“Hi.” Sirius said. “My little one here is two, just over, is that too young for your production of <em> The Nutcracker </em>. He can sit and watch films without getting bored, so the length isn’t worrying me.” </p>
<p>“Not at all.” The man smiled. “Do you like ballet?” He asked Harry.</p>
<p>“I don’t know.” Harry said, playing with the button on Sirius’s coat. </p>
<p>“His mother was a ballerina.” Sirius explained. “I thought it might be nice to get him into it. Have you got anything left for November 30th?”</p>
<p>“I’ll have a look for you now.” He said. Sirius flicked through one of the leaflets on the desk to see their upcoming shows. “We only have tickets for the matinee, but that might be better for him.” </p>
<p>“Yeah, that’d be better.” Sirius said.   </p>
<p>He bought the tickets and thanked the man at the box office before leaving the theatre, chatting at Harry about Lily’s love for ballet. When they reached the park, Sirius let go of Harry’s hand so that he could run ahead of him slightly. He’d seen a restaurant that did brunch and it was his birthday, so he could treat them to eating out. </p>
<p>Once they reached the restaurant, they were greeted by a waitress.“Does he need a high chair?” She asked as she showed them to a table.</p>
<p>“No, fank you.” Harry answered before Sirius could say yes. </p>
<p>“Are you going to sit sensibly like a big boy?” Sirius asked.</p>
<p>“I’m sesble.” Harry said. The waitress was grinning as she fetched an extra cushion for the chair and Sirius helped him climb up onto it. </p>
<p>“Thanks.” Sirius said to her, taking the menu that she handed over. He’d picked the right place to come today, they sold birthday cake by the slice. “If you eat all of your breakfast, you can have cake for dessert.” He said and Harry’s eyes lit up. “Don’t get used to it though, this is a one time thing.” He added quickly. </p>
<p>“What can I get for you?” The waitress asked when she returned. </p>
<p>“Two glasses of orange juice, and a coffee.” Sirius said. “And do you want yoghurt and fruit Harry?” He asked.</p>
<p>“I want cake.” Harry said, and Sirius rolled his eyes. He should have mentioned that later. </p>
<p>“Only if you eat your breakfast. Yeah, he’ll have the yoghurt and fruit and I’ll have the smoked salmon.” He said, handing her back the menu. The waitress, Jill - according to her name badge, nodded and left. Sirius turned to Harry, and sighed. “Harry, don’t play with the sugar cubes, people have to put them in their drinks.” He moved the pot out of the way and took a notepad and crayons out of his bag. “Can you draw me a picture?” </p>
<p>“I thought I recognised you. The Brit with the cute pumpkin, right?” </p>
<p>Sirius looked across to the next table. It took him a moment to place the woman who spoke. It was the woman from the last house where he’d taken Harry trick-or-treating. She was even prettier today, very neat and put together; Sirius ran his hand over the stubble on his chin, suddenly conscious of the fact that he hadn’t bothered to shave that morning. </p>
<p>“That’s us.” Sirius said, then figuring it would be polite to introduce them, added, “I’m Leo McKinnon and this is Harry.” Though maybe it would be better if she just knew them as the Brit and the Pumpkin. </p>
<p>“Bethany Morgan.” She said reaching over to shake his hand. “I can’t remember, did you say you were here on vacation?” </p>
<p>“No, we moved here in August.” Sirius explained. “Needed a change of scenery.” That sounded better than on the run from the law, right?</p>
<p>“And how are you finding it? Pretty different from England?” She asked.</p>
<p>“Not really, it’s like London, but taller.” Sirius laughed, thanking the waitress when she brought their drinks over. “I’ve done a couple touristy things to try and keep this one entertained, but mostly we live a quiet life. I think Hallowe’en was the latest I’ve been out since we arrived here.” </p>
<p>“No leaving Harry with Mrs McKinnon while you go for drinks with your work friends then?” Bethany asked, running her hand through her dark hair. She’d asked it innocently, but Sirius wasn’t stupid, she was trying to find out his situation. He shuffled his cutlery around, pondering how to answer.</p>
<p>“There is no Mrs McKinnon.” He said, digging his fork into the pad of his thumb. </p>
<p>“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that.” Bethany said, but she didn’t compose her face in time, she’d been happy to hear that. She was saved from his retort by the waitress bringing his and Harry’s food over.</p>
<p>“Thanks.” He smiled. Sirius cut away a small piece of his smoked salmon and passed the fork to Harry. “Here, try this.” Harry looked at it skeptically for a moment before putting the fork in his mouth. </p>
<p>“Don’t like it.” Harry said, pulling his face. Sirius darted forward, napkin in hand, so that Harry wouldn’t spit it out onto the table. He wasn’t sure if it was the taste or the texture that the little boy found off putting. Maybe both.</p>
<p>“Worth a try.” Sirius said, moving Harry’s juice closer, and looking up at Bethany, daring her to pass judgement, but she was just watching them curiously. “It’s just the two of us. Has been for a year now.” That was fine, nice and vague, also not a lie. “I don’t have to work, so no drinks with work mates.” </p>
<p>“That must get lonely.” She said. Sirius frowned.</p>
<p>“No, I—” He broke off. It <em> was </em> lonely. It had been easier in Sydney, when he’d had the Jones’, but even then he’d spent every moment with Harry. He hadn’t left him at all since he’d taken him from Godric’s Hollow. Even Lily and James’d had nights off — Sirius had babysat with Marlene —  or even just an hour here or there away from their son. It was normal. In all honesty, Sirius needed a break. As much as he loved his godson, as much as he was terrified to take his eyes off of him, he desperately needed a break. “Yeah, it gets lonely.” He admitted. </p>
<p>“It doesn’t have to be, you know. I don’t work either, heiress, and I’m not lonely. You just have to get out there, make some friends… meet someone.” She added coyly, motioning to the waitress for the bill. Sirius took a sip of his coffee, but found it hard to swallow. He <em> had </em> met someone, they’d had something beautiful. But that had been ripped from him. He would never get that glorious promised future — never meet the daughter they’d almost had — and honestly, he didn’t want it with anyone else.  “I’m going to a charity event on Saturday.” Bethany said, taking her purse and a pen from her handbag. “Come as my plus one. Not a date, I don’t ask men out, they ask me out.” She said confidently. Reaching across to his table she took his hand and wrote her phone number on the back. “It might do you good to get a few hours away from Harry, as adorable as he is.” </p>
<p>“I don’t know…” Sirius hesitated. </p>
<p>“Just think about it and give me a call. If nothing else, it’s for a good cause.” She smiled, setting some cash down on the table and putting on her coat. “I’ll see you on Saturday, Leo.” She grinned, striding from the restaurant. Sirius stared after her for a moment, then turned back to find his godson staring at him. </p>
<p>“Eat your yoghurt.” He muttered to Harry, returning to his own breakfast.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Sirius was irritated. He’d taken Harry all the way down town on the subway so that they could go up to the observation deck of the World Trade Center — passing several closer skyscrapers because he’d stupidly told Harry that this one was the tallest last time they’d visited it — only for them to get up there and Harry whine to go home. </p>
<p>Sirius had made them stay up there for an hour. He told himself that it was a parenting decision, he didn’t want Harry to be spoiled, or overindulged, or whatever other reason he might come up with later. However, he knew this was bullshit. It was out of spite. </p>
<p>He felt guilty for it, he was twenty-three and Harry was two, he shouldn’t be doing things out of spite. Harry enjoyed the subway though, he liked trying to balance as the train sped along the tracks.</p>
<p>“I love you, Harry.” He said as they walked from the station back to their apartment. He had to make sure he reminded him of that, especially when he was annoyed at the kid. </p>
<p>“I love you too, Sisus.” Sirius let them into the apartment and he copied Bethany’s number down onto a notepad. He didn’t know if he was going to call her or not, but at least he had the option. “Owl!” Harry said, bringing Sirius’s attention to the owl waiting on the outdoor table. He’d been expecting Strix, but it was the one that Remus had taken to sending. Sirius hurried to let the bird in and fetched it some food and water before detaching it’s parcel. He opened the card from Remus and then the letter.</p>
<p>
  <em> Dear Padfoot,  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> I hope this gets to you today, I still feel terrible for forgetting last year. Happy Birthday, or at least, as happy as it can be. I’m sorry that your present isn’t much, but I hope you like it all the same. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> I’ve been keeping an eye out for Peter, but nothing. Unfortunately there’s a lot of rats around, he might have even fled the country, like you. He could be anywhere. The Daily Prophet occasionally suggests that you killed him, I’m trying to convince people that it’s bullshit, but I’m not getting very far. I’m sorry. Besides, I can’t make too much of a ruckus, or Dumbledore and the Ministry might suspect something.  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Speaking of which, he’s been around, Dumbledore. I haven’t told him anything, of course, but the man is not stupid. I think he knows I’ve been contacting you, but all he’s done is try to convince me to share any information I might have. I’m not sure what he wants with Harry, and I don’t want to think the worst of him; he’s done so much for me, but I just don’t know how much I can trust him anymore. Be careful. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Good news is I have Mary convinced that you’re innocent, though I’m not sure she believed that you were guilty, not really anyway. One down, four billion odd to go, I guess.  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Try not to be too miserable today. I’ll be thinking of you, and I miss you. Give Prongslet a kiss from me. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Love, </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Moony. </em>
</p>
<p><em> Prongslet </em> , that was sweet. He planted a kiss on Harry’s cheek and said “from Moony.” Harry giggled and wiped his cheek with his hand. Moony might not be <em> sure </em> if he could trust Dumbledore, but Sirius knew he definitely couldn’t. Why had he been so adamant to give Harry over to the Dursleys? To people that would never love him? Of course, he never would have shared his reasons, he just seemed to demand unwavering loyalty. It was infuriating not knowing; he didn’t <em> really </em> think that Dumbledore had sinister intentions, but there were a few things that Sirius wasn’t willing to take a chance on, namely Harry’s safety and happiness. </p>
<p>“Let’s see what Remus sent me.” He said, pulling the boy onto his lap and picking up the little parcel. He opened it and took out a small stack of photographs, their last two years at school by the looks of it and a book titled <em> How To Deal with Grumpy Teenagers </em> , with a note that said ‘ <em> Thought Harry might find this useful’. </em></p>
<p>“Very funny, Remus.” He muttered. “You don’t think I’m grumpy, do you, Harry?”</p>
<p>“Yes!” He giggled. </p>
<p>“Oi!” Sirius said, and Harry wriggled away as he started to tickle him.</p>
<p>“Sisus is so gumpy!” Harry laughed, hurrying around to the other side of the coffee table and out of reach. Part of Sirius hoped that he never started pronouncing his words correctly, he was just too cute like this.</p>
<p>“Have a look at these.” He said, picking the photo’s back up. “I promise I won’t tickle you.” He added when Harry looked at him uncertainly. Harry walked back over and climbed up onto his knee. “Who’s that?” He asked the boy. The first photo was of Lily and James. It had been taken just after they’d started going out at the beginning of seventh year; though Sirius had always suspected there was something going on longer, but neither had admitted to it. </p>
<p>“Mummy and Daddy!” Harry said, jabbing the photo with his finger.</p>
<p>“Okay, careful.” Sirius murmured. The next was a group photo, all eight Gryffindors, and Harry began without prompting.</p>
<p>“Mummy, Sisus, Marley, Daddy.” He hesitated at the next one and Sirius titled his head slightly to catch his frown.</p>
<p>“That’s Dorcas, do you remember her?” Sirius asked. Voldemort had killed her not long after Marlene had died, but Harry hadn’t spent nearly as much time with Dorcas as he had with Marley. “What about her?” Sirius asked, pointing to the girl standing next to her. Harry shook his head. “Mary.” </p>
<p>“That’s Moo Moo.” Harry said, pointing at Remus standing beside Mary. “And Wormy.” He said before Sirius could pull the photo away. He didn’t even want photographs of that bastard around Harry. He wanted to tell him that Peter was a monster, that he was the reason that Harry suffered like he had. He wanted to promise that when he found him, he’d kill him.</p>
<p>But how could he say all that to someone so young?</p>
<p>Sirius quickly stuffed the photo to the back; he’d rip Wormtail out of it later. </p>
<p>“Marley!” Harry said excitedly, waving back as she smiled and waved up at him. She looked so happy. He needed to frame this one, it was beautiful… Of course she looked beautiful in every photograph, but there was something about the lighting in the common room in this one. “Sisus and Daddy.” Harry said to the next photo. Sirius smiled at the picture, he was leaning over the back of James’s armchair, pointing something out on the map. He’d have to have Harry steal that back when he got to Hogwarts; all the work they’d put into it, all the use they’d gotten out of it, only for it to now be locked up in Filch's office. What a waste. </p>
<p>The next was of the Gryffindor Quidditch team at practice. Marlene and James shot across the photograph, passing the Quaffle between them, before passing it again to Ana Scott. Harry slid off his knee and ran into his room, before returning with his broom trailing behind him.  </p>
<p>“Alright, alright.” Sirius sighed, as Harry clambered on to the broom. He summoned the camera and one of the gold Christmas baubles and had it float just in front of Harry. As Harry chased after the ‘Snitch,’ Sirius took photos; Remus would love one. “If you could see him now, James.” He whispered. It was heartbreaking to consider all the things that they were missing, not just the cute things like this, but the real things. How good Harry was getting at talking, at using the potty, at knowing things like colours and animals and shapes. They would never get to see him experience the world. James would never get to take him to his first Quidditch match, Lily would never get to share her love of ballet with him. It was just heartbreaking. </p>
<p>Harry laughed in delight as he caught the bauble, he turned his broom towards Sirius, sped around the coffee table and launched himself into his arms. Sirius caught him and hugged him tightly.</p>
<p>“I did it!” Harry said happily.</p>
<p>“Well done, Bambi.” Sirius smiled. This little boy was the last good thing in his life. The only patch of light in the suffocating darkness. </p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“Don’t go.” Harry mumbled, his bottom lip trembling, as Sirius helped him into his pyjamas on Saturday night. He’d taken Bethany up on her offer; he needed some time away from Harry, but the little boy was making it very difficult. </p>
<p>“It’ll just be for a few hours. Mrs Rowan is going to look after you while I’m out. She’ll put you to bed, read you a story, and when you wake up in the morning, I’ll be here, just like I always am. I promise.” Sirius said. “You think you can be a big boy tonight?” Harry let out a grumpy sigh but nodded as he pulled the pyjama top on over his head and helped him with the sleeves. “No magic, okay? Mrs Rowan is a Muggle, no unlocking doors, no making things fly across the room to you, <em> no growing your hair </em>.” Harry’s eyes twinkled mischievously and Sirius turned stern. “Harry, I mean it. Do you promise to be good?”</p>
<p>“I pomise.” Harry muttered reluctantly. </p>
<p>“Alright.” Sirius said, kissing the little boy’s forehead. He got up and tugged at the collar of his shirt. He hadn’t worn a suit since Marlene’s funeral. He left Harry in his room, bid goodbye to Mrs Rowan in the living room, and took one last look around the apartment before closing the door. He was sure he’d made everything Muggle worthy, he’d locked away Harry’s broom, and frozen all the photographs. It was just for a few hours, they’d be fine. </p>
<p>The black car was already waiting for him downstairs; Bethany’s driver opened the door for him and he slid in beside her. She looked pretty, in her soft blue dress and her hair elegantly pinned up. </p>
<p>“Hello, Leo.” She smiled leaning over to kiss his cheek. Sirius shifted uncomfortably, and straightened his tie. “Suits… suit you.” She laughed at her own bad wording.</p>
<p>“Thanks.” Sirius said, grinning slightly. </p>
<p>“I’m going to look great in the society pages showing up with you—”</p>
<p>“I don’t want my photo in the paper. I’ll hold your purse while you pose for whatever photographer you need to, but I don’t want to be in the paper.” He said quickly. It just wasn’t worth the risk, even if it was a Muggle paper, even if they were in a whole other country, he couldn’t take the chance that he’d be recognised. He <em> liked </em> Manhattan, he didn’t want to have to move so soon.</p>
<p>“You’re gorgeous, what do you have to be camera shy about?” Bethany teased.</p>
<p>“I’m just a very private person.” Sirius shrugged. What else was he supposed to say, <em> I’m on the run from the wizard cops </em>? </p>
<p>On the red carpet outside the Metropolitan Club, Bethany did try to pull him in front of a camera, but he held his ground. “Worth a try.” She laughed, handing him her purse. When she’d posed, she returned and linked her arm with his, leading him inside. The club was stunningly beautiful, packed with people tonight, but he was sure on another day he’d appreciate it even more. Marlene would probably just flat out refuse to leave. He smiled slightly at the thought and quickly let go of Bethany’s arm. He needed a drink. “Be a sweetheart and get me a martini from the bar, I’ll just be over there with my girlfriends.” She said pointing them out.</p>
<p>“Yes, ma’am.” He muttered, but she missed the bitterness. He’d relax more after a drink, or four. Sirius weaved his way through to the bar and ordered their drinks. He needed to try and enjoy himself. Bethany didn’t seem so bad, a little full of herself, maybe, but it had been nice of her to invite him. He drank half of his martini on the way back to her.</p>
<p>“This is Leo McKinnon.” She told the three other women. “Leo, this is Kimberly, Lisa and Dawn. Lisa and Dawn’s husbands are around here somewhere.” She added, looking around. “They’re great, you’ll like them.” </p>
<p>“Nice to meet you.” Sirius said politely, handing Bethany her drink. He answered the barrage of questions, careful to make sure they matched with the story that he’d told Bethany.</p>
<p>“Where in England are you from?”</p>
<p>“London.”</p>
<p>“How long have you been here?”</p>
<p>“Since August.”</p>
<p>“Do you work?”</p>
<p>“Not right now, I’m living on family money.” The good thing was that at least it was all technically true. After drinks came dinner, where Sirius switched to champagne. Bethany chatted away to him as they ate, but he kept tuning out; he must have been nodding in the right places because she didn’t seem to notice. He hoped that Harry was okay. What if he’d had a tantrum and turned Mrs Rowan into a cat? </p>
<p>“Leo?” Bethany asked, waving her hand in front of his face. He must have forgotten to nod.</p>
<p>“Sorry, I was thinking about Harry, I’ve never left him before.” He explained, draining his glass.</p>
<p>“Never?” Bethany asked, sounding astonished. A lock of her hair had escaped and Sirius tucked it behind her ear without thinking. He quickly withdrew his hand and refilled their glasses from the bottle on the table.</p>
<p>“Not since it’s just been the two of us. It’s been a year now.” Sirius said. A year since he’d lost Lily and James, and little longer since he’d lost Marlene.</p>
<p>“Well, it’s good that you’ve got out tonight.” Bethany smiled. She’d not asked him about the not so fictional ‘Mrs McKinnon’ and he was grateful for that. It was one more half truth to keep track of, and he didn’t want to discuss Marlene, any version of her, with Bethany. “I asked, before I lost you to your thoughts, if you’re a sports fan?” </p>
<p>“Oh, a little, not much. A bit of football.” He said, that sounded normal, right? “Or, I guess, is it soccer for you?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, soccer. What’s your team?” Bethany asked, though he wasn’t sure why, would she even have heard of any… Sirius didn’t really know any. He was stupid not to just say that he didn’t like sports.</p>
<p>“Aston Villa.” He said, plucking Lily’s team out of the air.</p>
<p>“I don’t know them.” Bethany laughed. <em> Good </em>, Sirius thought, because neither did he.  </p>
<p>After dinner came the charity auction, and Sirius moved back to the martinis. He didn’t bid on anything, good cause or not, he couldn’t go blowing their money on frivolous shit like this. It wasn’t like he could pop home for a visit to Gringotts. He’d had quite a lot to drink by this point, he felt warm and fuzzy and found that he didn’t mind dancing with Bethany after the auction. He’d relaxed into her company a bit, and she was a good dancer. </p>
<p>“I need to go, it’s late and I need to relieve Mrs Rowan.” He said, checking his watch. </p>
<p>“Alright.” Bethany smiled. Sirius didn’t remember inviting her to come back with him, but they shared a taxi back to the west side. He’d assumed it was just for connivence, that they’d stop at his first and she’d just carry on the few blocks to her house. But she came up to the apartment with him.</p>
<p>Mrs Rowan had fallen asleep on the sofa, he gently shook her awake. “I’m home, thank you so much for watching him.”</p>
<p>“Oh, it was no trouble. The sweet little thing was as good as gold.” She yawned, getting to her feet and wishing them good night. Sirius kicked off his shoes and crept into Harry’s room to check on him. He looked so peaceful, Roar tucked under one arm. Sirius closed the door carefully and returned to Bethany. </p>
<p>“Is he asleep?” She whispered, standing up from the arm of the sofa.</p>
<p>“Yeah.” Sirius murmured. “I should call you a cab.” He added, though he didn’t move towards the phone. His brain and body didn’t seem to be on the same page. Bethany reached up and began to loosen his tie, and then she was kissing him. Her lips were soft, warm. He reached up and tugged her hair from it’s clip, it clattered to the floor and he backed towards his bedroom, sliding down the zipper of her dress as he went. </p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“Bethany, wake up.” He muttered. He couldn’t lie here next to her anymore. Shame was clawing at his insides. He got up and pulled on his dressing gown. “You can’t be here when Harry gets up. I’ll call you a taxi.” He said, throwing her clothes on the bed as she sat up. </p>
<p>“Oh, okay.” She said, her voice a little hurt. He knew he wasn’t being a gentleman, but right now he didn’t care. <em> How could he have slept with her? </em> He returned to the living room and ordered a taxi for her and when she joined him, she was dressed. “That was fun.” She said, her voice back to normal.</p>
<p>“Yeah.” He lied. Well, he supposed the event had been fun. But what they’d done after had left him feeling sick with guilt. They waited in an uncomfortable silence, and as soon as he heard the a horn blare from the street below he crossed to the apartment door and held it open for her. </p>
<p>“I’ll call you.” She smiled, reaching up to kiss his cheek.</p>
<p>“Okay.” He said, he wished that she wouldn’t. Sirius closed the door behind her and pressed his forehead against it. </p>
<p>He felt as though he’d cheated. </p>
<p>Sirius’s stomach rolled, out of shame or from all the alcohol he’d mixed, he wasn’t quite sure, though realistically it was probably the latter. He darted to the bathroom and vomited violently into the toilet. When he was sure he could trust himself not to puke his guts out, he got to his feet and brushed his teeth… though maybe it would have been better to wait to see if he needed to throw up again. Sinking down against the cold tile wall, he groped in his pocket for his wand and summoned the mirror. </p>
<p>“Andromeda.” He called. He wasn’t particularly eager to talk to her about this, but he hardly had anyone else he could get an instant response from. “Andromeda!” He tried again a few more times, and she eventually appeared in the reflection, yawning and rubbing her eyes. “Why are you still asleep? You’re ahead of us!”</p>
<p>“It’s Sunday.” She said shortly. “I was having a lie in.”</p>
<p>“Whoisit?” He heard Ted grumble.</p>
<p>“Sirius. Go back to sleep.” Andromeda said, before turning back to Sirius. “What’s up with you?”</p>
<p>“I’ve done something awful.” He groaned, running a hand over his face. </p>
<p>“Are you alright? Is Harry?” She asked sharply, bleariness clearing from her eyes.</p>
<p>“Harry’s fine. I met this woman and we went out last night. I had too much to drink and we slept together.” He muttered, he could hear how stupid this sounded. “I feel awful about it… It was awful.” </p>
<p>He noticed the corner of Andromeda’s lip twitch. She was trying not to laugh. “So you blew off some steam—” She was grinning now. “How bad could it have been?”</p>
<p>“I called her Marlene. Twice.” He admitted. Bethany had been perfectly gracious about it, but he shouldn’t have been with her at all. Andromeda snorted and then quickly covered her mouth with her hand. </p>
<p>“I’m sorry, that’s not funny.” She said. <em> No, it fucking wasn’t </em>. “Sirius, you’re allowed to move on, that’s what’s supposed to happen.” Andromeda said kindly, but he was already shaking his head. Ted snored loudly in the background.</p>
<p>“I don’t <em> want </em> to move on. I don’t want anyone else. Marlene was the best part of me… She was so loyal and I feel like I’ve gone and had an affair.” He said, knowing it sounded ridiculous. Andromeda wouldn’t understand, she couldn’t. Ted was alive, and try as she might, she would never truly be able to understand what this felt like. </p>
<p>“You don’t think she’d want you to be happy?” Andromeda asked kindly.</p>
<p>“No.” He said flatly. He didn’t mean this, not really. On the surface, sure, she’d  joked that she wanted him to spend the rest of his time moping around, miserable and mourning, but deep down, of course she’d wanted him to be happy. But she was dead, so what she wanted didn’t fucking matter anymore. If she wanted him to be happy she’d get her arse back to the land of the living. </p>
<p>The guilt was crushing him. </p>
<p>“Sirius—”</p>
<p>“It should be me that’s dead. Not her.” He muttered. “And anyway, she’d be better for Harry. It should be me instead of Marley, me instead of Lily and James.” He added.</p>
<p>“Sirius, tell me where you are. Let me visit you, you’re scaring me now.” Andromeda said. </p>
<p>“I’m alright.” He sighed. “Well, no, I’m not. But I will be.” </p>
<p>“Sisus!” Harry called. </p>
<p>“I’ve got to go. I’ll speak to you later.” He said. He put the mirror away before Andromeda could say goodbye and got back up. Harry was looking around the living room for him. “I’m here.” He said. Harry ran at him and wrapped his arms around his legs. “Did you miss me?”</p>
<p>“Yeah!” Harry said. Sirius bent down to pick him up. He wouldn’t be leaving him again anytime soon, and he certainly had no intention of seeing Bethany again. </p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Getting rid of Bethany, however, was proving more difficult than Sirius had been anticipating. She’d called on Sunday evening, and he had — very nicely, he thought — told her that he was sorry, but he wouldn’t be able to see her again, that it was just too soon for him, and that he really hadn’t intended to lead her on like that. </p>
<p>On Monday, she called three times. After the third time, Sirius unplugged the phone. He felt bad, but if he answered it would surely just make things worse, give her false hope.</p>
<p>On Tuesday, he looked down from the balcony and saw her standing outside the apartment. This was fucking ridiculous. It carried on for most of the week, but by Friday, she was gone, and Sirius figured it safe to plug the phone back in. </p>
<p>“I’m sorry I brought her back here.” He said to Harry, as he helped him get dressed on Saturday morning.</p>
<p>“Who?” Harry asked.</p>
<p>“I— No one, it doesn’t matter.” Sirius sighed. He’d forgotten that he’d been asleep when he’d brought her home. “What do you want to do today?”</p>
<p>“Park!” Harry grinned, holding out his foot so Sirius could put his sock on.</p>
<p>“Really? But it’s cold out today.” He said, why did he never learn that there were usually only two answers that Harry ever gave to the question ‘what do you want to do today?’ and both involved going outside regardless of the weather. </p>
<p>“Pease?” Harry asked. </p>
<p>“Fine.” Sirius sighed; he supposed chasing a two year old around would keep him warm. “But first we need to go shopping. We’ve got to get some food in, and more importantly, you had the last of the milk on your Coco Pops which meant that I couldn’t have a coffee this morning.” He said, blowing a raspberry on Harry’s tummy. </p>
<p>The problem with shopping with Harry, was that he could be very persuasive just through being cute. He managed to convince Sirius to get a packet of Oreos that he hadn’t really wanted to buy just by looking at him with his big, green eyes and saying ‘Pease’. If Lily and James were still here then every moment Harry spent with Sirius would be loaded with sugar, but it was now Sirius that had to deal with bedtimes and tantrums. </p>
<p>“Park now.” Harry said, tugging on Sirius’s hand as he struggled along with the bags.</p>
<p>“Bambi.” He sighed exasperatedly. He let go and passed the lightest of the bags to him. “Here, I need you to carry this one for me. </p>
<p>“To the park?” Harry asked hopefully, taking the bag and tucking the top of it under his chin so that he could see where he was walking.</p>
<p>“You’re relentless.” Sirius said, rolling his eyes. “No, to the apartment. We’ll go to the park as soon as I’ve put the food away, you don’t even need to take your coat off.” </p>
<p>Harry dropped the bag in his rush to press the button to call the lift. “Oh, no!” The little boy exclaimed with so much drama that he could have passed for a Black. Sirius laughed, how could he not? He was small and he was cute. Harry gave an equally dramatic sigh as, when they were back in the apartment, Sirius put the shopping away.</p>
<p>“Go faster.” He demanded. Sirius spun around to see his arms crossed.</p>
<p>“Excuse me?” He raised an eyebrow. “That’s not very polite, is it?”</p>
<p>“No.” Harry mumbled. Sirius hated being strict, but the kid needed manners, Lily especially would want him to be well mannered. “Sorry.” At least he was apologising more without being told to. </p>
<p>“Thank you.” Sirius said. He finished putting the food away and took Harry’s hand, leading back into the lift and out of the building. He couldn’t understand how it was colder now than it had been this morning; so much so that when they reached the park, they were alone. Other parents must not be as soft as he was. </p>
<p>Harry didn’t seem to mind that they were alone; he always played with other children when they were here normally, but he seemed to be enjoying having the run of the place. Sirius had been about to help Harry climb up onto the climbing frame that was probably meant for older children when he spun around at a skidding sound and a thud. Some poor bloke had ridden his bike over the path that Sirius had specifically avoided because of all the ice. </p>
<p>“Wait there, Harry. Do not try and climb up until I get back.” He warned, before hurrying over to help the man. He lifted the bike up off of him and held out his hand. “Alright there, mate?” He asked.</p>
<p>“Thanks.” The man said, letting Sirius pull him to his feet. “I think the bruising is mostly to my pride.” </p>
<p>“We’ve all been there.” Sirius laughed; he knew the feeling, he’d come off his motorbike more than once... oh how he missed that thing. Sirius was sure that the bruising was to more than just his pride though, because the man was leaning on him as they walked back towards the playground. There was a bench there he could rest up on. </p>
<p>Sirius looked around for Harry, wanting to tell him that he was back, but he’d vanished. “Harry!” He shouted, panic rising so thick and fast it made his head spin. “Harry!” He darted around the playground, checking every nook that he could be hiding in. “Harry! If you’re hiding, this isn’t funny!” He screamed desperately. </p>
<p>“Do you live nearby? Could he have started to walk home?” The guy with the bike asked.</p>
<p>“Over there on 64th Street.” Sirius said, frantically running his hand through his hair. He supposed Harry could have headed back, they came to the park often enough that he probably knew the way. But he’d have to cross a few roads to get back to the apartment; what if he’d just run right out into traffic?</p>
<p>“Try not to panic, go back home, see if you see him on the way and if not call the police, and then come back and look.” The man said calmly. “What does he look like?” </p>
<p>“He’s two. Black hair, green eyes. There’s a scar on his forehead. Umm, he had on a grey hat, a puffy blue coat, jeans.” Sirius said, still desperately looking around.</p>
<p>“He’ll turn up. Go and check he hasn’t gone home. I’ll stay here and keep a lookout,” The man said. Sirius hurried from the playground with only a nod of acknowledgement to the other man. His head turned in every direction as he scanned the crowd on the route home they always took. He reached the apartment with no trace of him. He was about to dial for the police when he spotted the flashing light on the answering machine. He pressed the button.</p>
<p>“Hi Leo, it’s Bethany. I found Harry wandering by himself so I brought him back to mine. Come and collect him when you get this message. You must be worried sick.” </p>
<p>Sirius doubled over, relief flooding him. He took a moment to catch his breath before hurrying back out. He weaved his way through other pedestrians as he sprinted to Bethany’s house on 69th street. He had to see for himself that Harry was okay. Why hadn’t she just brought him back to the apartment? She couldn’t have tried there first, there hadn’t been time for it. Taking her steps two at a time, he hammered on the door. She opened it and he pushed past her.</p>
<p>“You found Harry?” He asked quickly, looking around for the little boy and spotting his coat on the bannister.</p>
<p>“Yeah, the poor little thing was wandering around in the street. He must have been so scared. I thought I should bring him back here before someone took him.” She said, placing a comforting hand on his arm. </p>
<p>“Thank you.” Sirius choked.</p>
<p>“That’s alright. Harry, your dad’s here!” She called, handing his coat to Sirius. Harry ran out into the hallway and launched himself into Sirius’s arms. </p>
<p>“I’ve got you.” He whispered, breathing him in and holding him so tightly it had to be uncomfortable. He helped him put his coat on and picked him back up. “Thank you.” He said again to Bethany, turning back to the door. </p>
<p>“You know,” she began. “If you really want to thank me, you could come over to dinner, say seven?” She suggested. Sirius bit down on his tongue to stop the instinctual ‘no’. She had found Harry, after all. He’d go to dinner and try to nicely explain that he wasn’t ready to have a relationship, that he might never be ready. </p>
<p>“Sure, I’ll see you then.” He said, carrying Harry back outside. The boy was worryingly quiet as they walked home and something was nagging at the back of Sirius’s mind. He set him down on the sofa and took his coat off. “Harry, I need you to tell me what happened. I won’t be angry, I promise. Did Bethany find you walking down the street?” The little boy shook his head. “Did you wander out of the park when you couldn’t see me?” He asked, his heart starting to pound.</p>
<p>“No.” Harry mumbled.</p>
<p>“Did Bethany take you from the playground?” He asked, his voice strained, and Harry nodded. </p>
<p>“Okay, alright.” He said, trying to keep the sudden eruption of rage from spilling out for Harry to see. “Come with me.” He took his hand and led him out and down the hall to Mrs Rowan’s front door. He knocked and waited. </p>
<p>“Leo, Harry, how lovely.” She smiled, when she’d opened the door. </p>
<p>“Hi, Mrs Rowan. I need to pop out for a bit, do you think you can watch Harry for half an hour?” He asked. “Please.” He added.</p>
<p>“Of course—”</p>
<p>“No! Don’t go!” Harry screamed. Sirius felt his heart break a little bit.</p>
<p>He knelt down before Harry, grey eyes staring into wide, tear filled green ones. Taking a hold of his little shoulders, Sirius said, “I’ll be right back. I promise.” He waited for Harry's hesitant, little nod, then nudged him towards the old lady. As soon as she’d closed the door, Sirius strode to the lift. He needed to have a little chat with Bethany.</p>
<p>Blood was roaring in his ears as he made his way back to her house. She had kidnapped Harry — the irony wasn’t lost on him, but it wasn’t even remotely the same thing. Pausing to double check that she didn’t have security cameras at her front door, he climbed the steps and hammered on her door again. </p>
<p>“Leo? I didn’t expect you back this soon.” She said, stepping aside to let him in. She sounded pleasantly surprised, pleased even. That wasn’t going to last. </p>
<p>“Where did you say you found Harry?” He asked, closing the door behind him. He wasn’t in the mood to make small talk with her. </p>
<p>“I— He was walking along Central Park West, he looked lost, I was worried that he was going to wander out into the traffic.” She said. Bethany was so convincing that if Sirius wasn’t such a well practiced liar himself, he might have believed her. </p>
<p>“That’s interesting, because I asked Harry and he said that you took him from the playground.” Sirius said, trying very hard to keep his voice calm. </p>
<p>“He’s lying—”</p>
<p>“No, you are.” He snapped. Bethany stared at him for a moment, and he was sure that she was weighing up her options. Then she reached for him, cupping his face.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry. I never would have hurt him. I just wanted to get you here, to make you feel like you owed me. I just wanted another chance.” She pleaded.</p>
<p>“You’re insane!” Sirius snarled, seizing her wrists and shoving her away from him. She stumbled back into the hallway table and the vase on top of it fell to the floor and shattered against the hardwood floor. </p>
<p>Bethany stared at it a moment. “That vase was worth about fifteen thousand dollars.” She said quietly. Sirius didn’t give a fuck. He drew his wand and she eyed it nervously. “What’s that?” </p>
<p>Sirius didn’t answer, he pointed it at the glass cabinet of ornaments on the opposite wall. “What about that stuff? Worth a lot?” And as Bethany nodded, the cabinet exploded, showering the room with glass and china. Bethany screamed and ran to the door at the other end of the hallway, but he locked it. </p>
<p>“I’m sorry!” She said again, turning to face him. As he advanced he caught sight of himself in the mirror. He <em> looked </em> like a Black. Terrorising a Muggle like this, his family would be so proud. Sirius felt sick, this wasn’t who he was. He stopped, lowering his wand slightly. </p>
<p>“You’re going to forget that you ever met me and Harry.” He said firmly. “<em>Obliviate.</em>” </p>
<p>She would just assume that someone had broken in and smashed the place up. Sirius turned on the spot and disapparated.</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you so much to my beta, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/more1weasley/profile">More1Weasley</a>, for all the help. I really appreciate it!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Central Park</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>With Bethany out of the picture, Sirius and Harry’s lives returned to normal … Well, as close to normal as their new life together had ever been. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sirius rolled over, not wanting to get up just yet. He was warm, cozy, and had been having a beautiful dream about Marlene. Something soft tickled his nose and he frowned. Opening his eyes, he came face to face with Roar — attached to his favourite godson, of course. Harry was only pretending to be asleep; his eyelids were flickering and he was wearing the biggest grin. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I think someone is </span>
  <em>
    <span>really </span>
  </em>
  <span>awake.” He chuckled. Harry giggled and shook his head… He wasn’t exactly an expert in faking sleep. “Well, I don’t know about you, but I’m hungry. How about I make us some breakfast?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No!” Harry said suddenly, his big green eyes flying open. “I made you beckast.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Oh, no.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You made me breakfast?” Sirius asked nervously, swinging himself out of bed. Harry scurried after him and slid down to the floor. He took Sirius’s hand and led him into the kitchen. The floor was covered in milk, it had to be all of the new bottle, well, almost all; he realised, following the trail of milk to the almost full glass on the coffee table, next to a bowl overflowing with Oreos. Sirius didn’t know whether to thank him for the effort or scold him for the mess. He supposed that it had been very thoughtful of him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you, Harry… but are Oreos </span>
  <em>
    <span>really </span>
  </em>
  <span>breakfast food?” He asked, sitting down on the sofa, he’d deal with the mess after. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes.” Harry said simply, as though it was a stupid question on Sirius’s part.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Just a few and just this once then.” Sirius sighed, taking an Oreo and dipping it in the glass of milk. Harry did the same. “Do you know where we’re going today?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The park!” Harry said excitedly. Sirius groaned, he should have seen that one coming.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, not the park!” He laughed. “We’re going to watch </span>
  <em>
    <span>The Nutcracker.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” This year was going to feel so much more Christmas-y, none of the ridiculous heat they’d had last year… maybe it would even snow. At some point over the next week, he would try to get a Christmas tree; he’d left it so late last year, it had hardly been up at all before it was time to take it down again. “We’re going to a theatre, so you need to be a big boy while we’re there and sit quietly.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He let Harry have two more Oreos before taking the bowl away, his bottom lip began to tremble but Sirius couldn’t cave, he couldn’t have Harry bouncing off the walls today of all days. He fetched his wand and waved it at the mess on the kitchen floor, cleaning it up before making them some toast instead. That was a more suitable breakfast.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What’s that?” Harry asked, pointing to Sirius’s upper arm.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s a scar.” He said, after checking that he was pointed at the jagged pink line. “You have one too.” He said reaching over and gently touching the little boy’s forehead. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“A scar.” Harry repeated, before returning to his toast. He was sure that Harry would have follow up questions, if not now then at some point in the future. In fact, he was sure that they’d had this conversation before. “Why?” Harry eventually asked. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why do I have a scar or why do you have a scar?” Sirius asked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry seemed to think about the question for a moment and then said, “Both.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well,” Sirius said, pondering his answer, he was still not sure how much to tell Harry, and it didn’t help that he didn’t understand what happened either, not really. How the hell </span>
  <em>
    <span>had</span>
  </em>
  <span> Harry survived? Why wasn’t there a parenting book for this particular scenario? Something like: </span>
  <em>
    <span>What To Tell the Godson You Kidnapped from the Ruins of His Family Home After His Parents Were Murdered by an Evil Dark Wizard and He Somehow Survived.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Okay, so maybe it wouldn’t be a bestseller, but Sirius thought that he’d find it very helpful moving forwards. “You got hurt the night the monster took your mummy and daddy</span>
  <span>,</span>
  <span> and the curse left a cut on your forehead.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>At some point he was going to have to start saying ‘killed,’ but that felt worse than telling Harry they were dead, more violent. Harry was so little, he wanted to protect him from the reality of it all, but it wouldn’t be long now before he had to start telling it like it really was. Sirius continued, “And I was hurt by a bad man called Wilkes, and your Auntie Marley was never very neat with healing spells.” He hadn’t minded, and less so now that she was gone. There was now a permanent reminder, etched into his skin, that she had been real; that she had lived, that she had loved him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay.” Harry shrugged, getting up and going to play with his toys. Sirius stared after him, a little jarred by the boy’s sudden shift to play. Toddlers were strange little creatures. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He washed up their plates and got ready for their day; showering, brushing his teeth, picking out something a little smarter than normal to wear, and then did the same for Harry — Lily had always insisted that it was polite to dress for the theatre, so he wanted to start her son out right. They spent the rest of the morning playing and watching </span>
  <em>
    <span>M*A*S*H</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Sirius had recently learned that they were something called ‘reruns’ of older episodes. New episodes were on Monday evenings after Harry had already gone to bed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After lunch, he got Harry ready. He hadn’t wanted him to make a mess of his nice clothes beforehand. “When we get back home, I’ll show the couple of photographs I found of your mummy dancing.” He said as they walked towards the Lincoln Center. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was bitter cold this afternoon; maybe he should have gotten a taxi, but it just seemed so ridiculous when they lived so close and it wasn’t raining. Sirius was relieved to see that there were other children around as he and Harry took their seats.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sirius wasn’t sure how much of it Harry would understand, but he was stood up, gazing eagerly over the balcony at the stage below, and when Clara’s brother broke the nutcracker toy he whispered “Oh dear.” It took all of Sirius’s self control not to laugh. When the mice attacked, Harry clambered into Sirius’s lap; this bit probably was a little bit scary for him. Though frankly, Sirius thought it was healthy for him to be wary of mice… Well, rats… Well, just one rat in particular. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s okay now, they’re gone.” Sirius whispered, pointing at the stage as Clara and the Nutcracker defeated them. Harry seemed to be fascinated by the way the dancers moved, and Sirius wondered if somewhere deep down he could remember Lily dancing around the living room. When the performance finished and they made their way back through to the lobby, Harry ran out ahead of him, spinning and jumping around. It was so cute that, as they left, Sirius picked up a leaflet for toddler ballet classes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Is Kimas yet?” Harry asked, and Sirius supposed that he should have seen this coming given the content of the ballet. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Not just yet. It will be soon, though.” He told him as they walked back to the apartment. Back inside, Sirius sat him down on the sofa and went to fetch the two photographs. There had to have been more, but he had no idea where. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Look at mummy.” He said once he came back, sitting next to Harry and wrapping his arm around him to show him the pictures. She was spinning across the frame in the first one, her red hair flying around her. He wasn’t sure where it was taken, maybe somewhere in Hogwarts, it certainly </span>
  <em>
    <span>looked </span>
  </em>
  <span>like it could be Hogwarts. The second, though, was definitely the living room of Godric’s Hollow, she was bouncing on her toes, moving her arms gracefully around her. “Isn’t she pretty?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“My mummy.” Harry sighed, and Sirius bit down hard on the inside of his mouth. He would not cry, he would not cry, </span>
  <em>
    <span>he would not cry</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Harry got up, looked at the second photo again and tried to copy her. Grinning, Sirius summoned the camera and took a picture, he was just too adorable.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sirius opened the curtains on Christmas Day to find that the street outside was covered in snow. This was how it was supposed to be. He hoped Harry would enjoy it, he probably couldn’t remember the last time he saw snow. They’d go for a walk in the park before he opened his presents, that way they would hopefully be some of the first leaving footprints outside. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He made the most of being awake before his godson; took his time getting showered and dressed for the day, tidied up without Harry trying to ‘help.’ He began to search in the semi darkness for the warmest clothes that Harry had and when he looked around, the boy was awake and watching him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Good morning, Bambi. Happy Christmas.” Sirius smiled, sitting down on the edge of his bed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Happy Kimas.” Harry said sleepily, and then, more alert, he asked, “Open petents now?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Not just yet, I want to show you something first. Why don’t you go and use the potty while I get your clothes ready, and then I’ll come and help you brush your teeth?” Sirius suggested, pulling the covers off the little boy and setting him on his feet. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He’d bought Harry some red Wellington boots so he would match the illustrations in the Paddington Bear book he’d bought him for Christmas, and he set them by the front door ready for their trip out. Sirius finished getting them ready and led Harry downstairs and out into the cold morning. Snow had started falling again and Harry looked around in awe.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Watch this.” He said taking a step forward and pressing his foot into the snow before lifting it. Harry quickly stepped back and beamed down at his own footprints. “I’m going to take you to the park now and show you how to make a snow angel.” Sirius picked Harry up and carried him to the park. The snow was thicker here without the shelter of the buildings. He set the boy on his feet and lay down in the snow, moving his arms and legs to make the angel. “Alright, now you.” He turned his head to the side to watch as Harry copied him, before pushing himself back up and lifting Harry to show him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Again!” Harry said, delighted. They spent another hour making angels and throwing snowballs at each other —well, Sirius threw snowballs that conveniently missed Harry, and Harry just threw snow — before Sirius started to worry that it might be getting too cold for him.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How about,” he said, picking Harry back up. “We go home and have those pastries I bought yesterday, and some hot chocolate?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“For beckast?” Harry asked excitedly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, hot chocolate for breakfast.” Sirius grinned. “But don’t get used to it, it’s just because it’s Christmas morning.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He was very grateful for the warmth of the apartment. “Petents!” Harry said as soon as Sirius set him down and threw his mittens aside. Sirius quickly grabbed the hood of his coat. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wait for me, don’t just start ripping them open.” He knelt down to take Harry’s coat, hat and shoes off.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fine.” Harry sighed. It was so dramatic, and so strange coming from a toddler that Sirius snorted. They all called Sirius a drama queen… for the most part it seemed to have been said with fondness, but Lily and James would come back and kill him if he turned Harry into one. It would be worth it to see them again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sirius set their breakfast down on the coffee table and took Harry’s presents out from under the tree. He was still having a little bit of a dragon obsession, so that had been the general theme Sirius had gone for when he’d visited the toy shop — the little boy would lose his mind when he realised that they were real. Just as long as he didn’t ask for one as a pet… though Hagrid would probably approve.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Andromeda had sent a care package full of all Sirius’s favourites — both wizarding and Muggle — that he couldn’t get here. He’d wondered what the barrage of questions about what he could buy where he was from Dora had been about, but now it made sense. He’d just assumed that Dora was still trying to guess where they were, but this was much better. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Look at this, Harry, decent teabags!” He said excitedly, showing him the box. Harry, while not interested at all in the teabags, was eyeing up the Jammie Dodgers. Sirius would have to fight to keep those to himself. Remus had sent them a Christmas card and a small soft toy wolf for Harry; Harry seemed very pleased with this, but Sirius doubted very much that it would ever replace Roar. “It’s Moony.” He said, pointing at the wolf when Harry opened it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s not Moo Moo.” Harry frowned.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It looks like him though.” Sirius corrected, though really, Remus wasn’t even close to that cuddly on the full moon. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Moo Moo’s not a wolf.” Harry said with a tone of such exasperation that Sirius grinned — the little attitude that he was developing was adorable. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Oh, Harry. If you only knew.</span>
  </em>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>January arrived even colder than December had been, and Sirius did what he could to curb Harry’s requests for outdoor activities. Instead, he enrolled him in the toddler ballet class, and it was more adorable than he could have imagined. None of the toddlers were particularly good, not by any stretch of the imagination, but it was sweet to watch them try to imitate the instructor. Harry was one of only two boys in the class and Sirius was the only ‘father’ taking his child to ballet, the rest were all mothers. He certainly wasn’t going to allow a repeat of the Bethany fiasco, but it would be good for Harry to make some friends.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Lily would be so happy to see Harry right now. Sirius wondered if this was how she started out; little toddler classes. It had never even occurred to him to ask her. Harry would have questions about his parents that Sirius would never be able to answer. It shouldn’t have been like this. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Did you have fun?” He asked, picking Harry up when he ran over to him at the end of class. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yep!” Harry grinned. “Go flying now—”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Alright, but shh.” Sirius whispered. As he got older he’d understand that there were things he wasn’t allowed to talk about in front of Muggles. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We don’t get many dads here.” The instructor laughed, walking over to them. “And you’re the first in my career to bring their son. I think they prefer them to play sports.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Small minds. Anyway, his mother was a ballerina, she’d have wanted him to at least try it.” Sirius shrugged. “What do you say to Miss Carol, Harry?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Bye bye.” Harry said, waving to her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And?” Sirius prompted.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll see you next week.” She smiled and Sirius said goodbye and carried Harry back out into the cold.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Go flying now.” Harry said again, trying to wriggle out of Sirius’s arms.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, we’ll go home and you can play on your broom, but Harry, you can’t talk about that outside of the house. We can’t have people hearing about magic.” It wasn’t so bad while he was still a toddler, but the older he got the less Sirius would be able to pass it off as an active imagination. He also didn’t know what he was going to do when Harry outgrew this toy broom. He could hardly walk into a Quidditch Supply shop, maybe he could place an owl order, or send Remus some money to go and get one. “Do you want to play Quidditch when you’re a grown up?” He asked as he let them into the apartment.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, I wanna be a dwagon!” Harry said. Sirius snorted. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You and Hagrid are going to get along great.” He laughed and went to get Harry’s toy broom. “Who’s your best friend?” He called out.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Dodo!” Harry giggled, and Sirius shot back into the living room. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Maybe he should keep asking that until he got the right answer. While he sent the bauble around the room for Harry to chase, he tried to think of more questions to ask him. “What’s your favourite food?” He asked when Harry had caught the bauble a few times.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Tobbies.” Harry said, climbing up onto the sofa and standing on Sirius’s legs.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Tobbies? Oh, you mean Strawberries?” He laughed, and Harry nodded. Sirius wondered if these were really his favourite or if it was just that he’d had some as a snack earlier. “Okay, what’s your favourite colour?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wed!” Harry grinned, Sirius was sensing a theme here.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Good man. A proper little Gryffindor like your mum and dad… And me.” Sirius said as Harry messed up his hair. “Okay, what’s your favourite animal?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“An owl.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Not a dragon?” Sirius asked, surprised given Harry’s current love of them.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“A dwagon’s not an animal.” Harry sighed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No? Then what is a dragon?” Sirius supposed an argument could be made that they were magical creatures, but he doubted that was what was behind Harry’s thinking.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“A dwagon, silly.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ah, I see.” Sirius laughed, not sure how much Harry’s logic held up, but he was two. “Do you know what my favourite animal is?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“A doggie!” Harry said confidently. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah… I do quite like cats too.” Was this why Harry thought that he could be a dragon when he grew up? Because Sirius could turn into a dog? He’d have to explain to him when he was older that that wasn’t quite how the Animagus process worked. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You can’t like cats! You’re Pafoo!” Harry sounded outraged, </span>
  <em>
    <span>how dare a dog like a cat!</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I liked Gary, I knew Gary when he was a tiny little kitten.” Sirius protested. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>my</span>
  </em>
  <span> cat.” Harry said, and Sirius supposed that he must miss him from time to time… even if he was mostly something for Harry to chase on the broom. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Actually</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Gary is your mummy’s cat.” Sirius corrected. “But he has a new home now, and I’m sure he’s very happy.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sirius was beginning to think that he could make New York permanent if it turned out that it wasn’t safe to take Harry back until he was eleven. The city was starting to grow on him, even the Americans here weren’t too insufferable. Sirius could hardly believe that they could live alongside the wizarding world completely undetected. He wasn’t pushing it, of course, he kept out of wizarding establishments, but he was sure he must be passing wizards in the street. The one major downside was the amount rats scurrying about. It set Sirius on edge. In every letter, he’d been asking Remus if there had been any sighting of Peter, but no luck yet.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Logically, he knew it was unlikely that the filthy piece of vermin had tracked them here, but the long time without news did nothing to alleviate Sirius’s anxiety. Maybe they </span>
  <em>
    <span>should</span>
  </em>
  <span> get a cat, at least that way it might keep any rats from getting into the apartment. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sirius woke with a start one morning in March from a nightmare; Wormtail had snuck in and taken Harry from his bed. It </span>
  <em>
    <span>had</span>
  </em>
  <span> to have been a nightmare, he’d just woken up. Sirius rolled over and closed his eyes again, Harry was asleep in the other room. He was being ridiculous.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Still, the worry had now settled in the back of his mind, and he wouldn’t get back to sleep. It was eight, Harry had usually woken him up now. Sirius got out of bed and went to check on the little boy. His bed was empty.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Harry!” Sirius called, hearing the panic rise up in his voice. And then he heard the giggle from the bathroom. He followed the sound and stared down at his godson, illuminated by the dim light from the frosted glass window. He flicked on the bathroom light and surveyed the mess like it was a crime scene. It seemed as though Harry had woken up and taken himself to use the potty, but instead of going back to bed, or waking Sirius up, he’d emptied the entire tube of toothpaste and smeared it over the walls and floor.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I bussed my own tooths!” Harry said, opening his mouth to show Sirius the toothpaste still foaming there. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Teeth. Not tooths.” He corrected, because really, he didn’t know what else to say. </span>
  <em>
    <span>The fucking mess!</span>
  </em>
  <span> How could someone so small make so much mess? Sirius stripped the little boy out of his toothpaste covered pyjamas and sat him on the bathroom counter to help him rinse it out of his mouth. He carried Harry back into the living room, summoned clothes to get him dressed and set him down on the sofa. “Don’t even think about it.” He said quickly as Harry made to go back to the bathroom. He had one teabag left from Andromeda’s care package, he’d clean up after a cup of tea.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He had a lot to do today and having Harry in tow wasn’t going to make it easier. He also had to take the kid to ballet class, and that would take up a good chunk of the morning. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Beckast time?” Harry asked, trying to climb up onto the kitchen counter. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What would you like?” Sirius asked, though until he did a shop today they didn’t have a lot in. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Stamble eggs.” Harry said, and Sirius lifted him up onto the kitchen counter so that he could watch him cook. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ah, ah!” Sirius said, pushing his hand away as he tried to reach for the pan. “It’s hot, don’t touch or you’ll have to get down.” He returned to the fridge and took the last few strawberries out of the pack for him. Harry stuffed one in his mouth and gave Sirius a very red smile.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I love you more than tobbies.” He said happily. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I should hope so!” Sirius laughed. “I love you too, Bambi.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How much?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“More than Jammie Dodgers.” Sirius grinned, he loved him more than anything in the world, but that probably wouldn’t count for Harry’s little game. He sat Harry down at the table and dished out their breakfast. Once they’d eaten, Sirius cleaned up their plates and the mess in the bathroom with magic to save some time — it would probably have taken him hours without it. He’d have to add toothpaste to the shopping list, there was only a tiny bit left in the tube. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He sent Harry to play while he got ready, praying that he wouldn’t make a mess of himself again. But when Sirius sat down on the sofa to put his shoes on, Harry was having a conversation with Roar. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Right, Harry, time for ballet.” He said, helping him put his coat on. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sirius had to tune out the conversation some of the mothers were having about a kidnapping of a little boy out in Brooklyn. He was already worried about Death Eaters showing up on his door, he didn’t want to worry about Muggles too, he’d had enough of that stress with Bethany to last him a lifetime. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You didn’t watch!” Harry whined, and Sirius started, looking around at him. He’d been staring out of the window, not even realising that the class had ended. “You missed my spinned.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry, sweetheart.” He sighed. “Show me again.” And, still with a sulky expression on his face, Harry raised his arms above his head and spun around on the spot. Sirius overdid it with the praise and applause to try and make up for the fact that he hadn’t been watching Harry at all throughout the class. “Right, we need to go and do some shopping. What should we have for dinner tonight?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Soast.” Harry said, waving goodbye to Miss Carol. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We can’t just have toast. What about beans on toast?” Sirius suggested, Harry seemed to think about this and then nodded. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And tobbie cake.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“If you eat all your dinner.” Sirius grinned. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shopping with the little boy was it’s usual challenge; he ran around bringing Sirius lots of things that they didn’t need. “Get this!” Harry said every time he brought over something like a third box of cereal, or a melon — Harry didn’t like melon — or a light bulb. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Go and find some toothpaste if you want to make yourself useful.” Sirius sighed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>At the bakery on the way home he got a loaf of fresh bread and two slices of strawberry gateau. Harry’s eyes lit up at the sight of it, and Sirius reiterated the deal that he had to eat all of his dinner if he wanted any. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Look!” Harry said, stopping as they turned onto their street. Sirius groaned and turned, surely whatever it was could wait?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What am I looking at?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“There!” Harry said, pointing at the brown rat a few feet behind them. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Run on to our building, Harry.” Sirius said, nudging him forwards. It didn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>look</span>
  </em>
  <span> like Wormtail… well, it sort of did. One rat looked just like any other. He followed Harry into the lobby and set the bags down, drawing his wand. The rat was on the other side of the door, it had followed them. Checking that no one was watching, he pointed his wand at the rat. If it was Peter, the spell would force him to reveal himself. The rat flew in the air and scurried away. Just a rat. Sirius pressed his forehead against the doorframe and put his wand away. He was being paranoid. It was time to put Peter Pettigrew out of his mind. “Just do me a favour and stay away from rats, alright?” He asked Harry.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why?” Harry looked up at him with his big, curious eyes and Sirius bit his lip. He was actually asking this time. He shouldn’t lie. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, do you remember your mummy and daddy’s friend, Peter?” He asked as Harry pressed the button to call the lift. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He could turn himself into a rat, just like I can turn into a dog, and your daddy could turn into a stag. And Peter was a very bad man… he just hid it well.” He said; he was doing a terrible job at explaining this. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why?” Harry asked again. Sirius resisted the urge to kick the lift wall in frustration. How the fuck was he supposed to answer that?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know.” He admitted. “But, if I’d realised it sooner, your life would be better than it is now. You’d be happier than you are now.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I </span>
  <em>
    <span>am</span>
  </em>
  <span> happy.” Harry said, his usual attitude. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You are?” Sirius asked, trying to swallow the lump in his throat.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We have tobbie cake!” Harry beamed. </span>
  
  <em>
    <span>Ah, of course, what else could he possibly need?</span>
  </em>
  <span> Who needed living parents when you had strawberry gateau? </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I really love you, Harry.” Sirius said, letting them into the apartment and setting the shopping bags down on the kitchen counter. He put the kettle on to make a coffee, emptied the bags into the cupboards and fridge and flopped down onto the sofa beside Harry. “Are you big enough to make me a brew yet?” He asked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay.” Harry said, trying to climb up over the back of the sofa. Sirius pulled him back down by the back of his t-shirt. He’d only been joking, Harry was too young to poor boiling water. “How about I try it from here?” He suggested, pointing his wand at the cup on the draining board and sliding it along the counter towards the kettle. It was a fun challenge that seemed to entertain Harry immensely.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“My go now?” He asked, and Sirius snorted.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Not a chance, you cause enough mischief </span>
  <em>
    <span>without</span>
  </em>
  <span> a wand.” </span>
  <span>Hell, if this morning was anything to go by, Sirius could only imagine the trouble Harry would cause when he could use magic</span>
  <span>. “I’ll buy you your own when you’re eleven.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Pease?” Harry begged. This seemed like reckless godfather stuff rather than responsible parent stuff, but he missed that role, so it wasn't that hard to give in.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Alright, point it at the packet of Oreos, and try to bring them over here.” He said, handing Harry his wand. He stood back up and pointed it at the packet on the countertop, his face screwed up in concentration. The glass beside it exploded and Sirius yanked Harry down and out of the way. The little boy burst into tears from the shock. “Sorry, that was a bad idea.” He said, taking back his wand and pulling him onto his lap for a cuddle. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Reparo</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” He muttered, pointing his wand over his shoulder and repairing the glass. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry was still a little tearful for the rest of the day, even while they ate dinner, but he cheered up in an instant when Sirius set the slice of strawberry gateau in front of him. He managed to get it all over his face, and yet it was adorable. “I think you need a bath.” Sirius laughed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Bubbles!” Harry insisted.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course.” He said, getting up and going to the bathroom to run the tap for him. He was lucky that Harry had always been pretty good about bath time, he seemed to enjoy the warm water. Sirius used the shampoo to stick Harry’s hair on end. “You look silly.” He said and Harry giggled, reaching up to touch it. “Alright, lean your head back while I rinse it out.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sirius wrapped Harry in a towel and dried him off. He’d chosen Mickey Mouse pyjamas and Sirius did wonder if the little shit was doing this on purpose. If he was a bit older he’d be sure that was the case. “What story do you want to read?” He asked, tucking him in.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Bambi.” Harry said, snuggling Roar under his chin.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course you do.” Sirius sighed, picking the book up and starting to read.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The sweet little life they were building came crashing down at the beginning of July. It was a beautiful and hot day, and he and Harry were enjoying an ice cream outside one of the cafes in the park. He watched, holding his breath as Bethany walked past them, but her eyes slid across them without recognition. At least the memory charm was working. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sirius Black?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He froze, the ground disappearing beneath him. Slowly, he turned to face the woman who had sat down in the chair opposite him. He could feel her pulling her wand on him beneath the table as he went to draw his own.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Professor Reed.” He said, trying desperately to keep the panic out of his voice. Harry was happily enjoying his ice cream and he didn’t want to get him scared. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hello.” Harry smiled, ice cream all over his face. Reed’s eyes drifted to the scar on the little boy’s forehead.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I haven’t been your professor since nineteen-seventy-eight.” Reed said, turning back to Sirius.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, you’re as pretty as you were then.” He said, and she was. They’d all been a little ‘hot for teacher’ when she’d showed up as the new Defence Against the Dark Arts professor at the start of their seventh year. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I work for MACUSA now. As an Auror” Reed said, and Sirius had to suppress a groan. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Oh, great. This was it. He was about to be arrested</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Listen, Professor—”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Charlotte.” She corrected. “You’re a wanted man.” She said quietly. “Conspiracy to commit murder, kidnapping, and a number of other charges.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Charlotte, it wasn’t me. I haven’t done anything wrong, not really. And I’m Harry’s godfather, Lily and James wanted me to have him. Please, Professor. I was fighting </span>
  <em>
    <span>against</span>
  </em>
  <span> Voldemort. I would have rather died than join him. Please, you have to believe me.” He was desperate, trying to think if he could reach his wand and blast her out of the way before she disarmed him… or worse. And all of that without Harry getting hurt. It seemed unlikely. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You fled the country with Harry.” Reed sighed, glancing at the little boy. “I can’t believe how much he looks like James.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You don’t have ice cream.” Harry said, reaching over and pushing Sirius’s bowl over to her. Sure, he wanted to share, just not his own.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I took him for his own good. Dumbledore wanted to hand him over to Lily’s horrible muggle sister, his life was going to be horrific. Look at him, he’s healthy, and happy. If I had sinister intentions don’t you think I’d have hurt him already?” He shuddered at the very thought. “If I was one of Voldemort’s supporters don’t you think I’d have killed him that night?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sirius—”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Look at him.” He pleaded, his voice breaking slightly. “I’ve been doing everything I can to give him a good life. He was an early talker and bombards me with questions — he’s so inquisitive, his favourite food is strawberries. He takes ballet classes — do you think if I was going to hurt him I’d bother taking him to ballet? I know I’ll never be as good for him as Lily and James, but I’m doing everything that I can. I love him so much, Charlotte. Please don’t turn me in.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s my job, Sirius. You can explain all this to the British Ministry when you’re extradited.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I can’t take the risk that they won’t believe me. I am going to turn myself in. Harry will be going to Hogwarts. I’ll turn myself in when he goes, I promise. I don’t care what they do to me after that, but I have to do what I can to give him the best start in life. I swear, I didn’t do what they think I did.” Harry could hear the panic in his godfather’s voice and was starting to get agitated. “If I pick him up, can I  trust you not to curse me while I’m holding him?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course I won’t.” Reed said, sounding alarmed, and it was in that alarm that Sirius thought that maybe, he might just have her convinced. He reached over and picked Harry up, holding him close. Trying not to think that this might be the last time he ever held him. “Look, I have to report that I’ve spotted you—”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Prof—”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But, I probably won’t be back in the office until three. I would strongly advise that you aren’t in the city when we  start the manhunt.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sirius could hardly believe what she’d said, but he didn’t have time to hang around. “Thank you. I’ll never forget this.” He said getting up.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I am truly sorry about Lily and James.” She said kindly. Sirius nodded and hurried from the park. He didn’t have much time, he had to pack their things and get to the airport. Forget the city, he had no intention of even being in the </span>
  <em>
    <span>country</span>
  </em>
  <span> when the manhunt started. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you so much to my beta, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/more1weasley/profile">More1Weasley</a>, for all the help. I really appreciate it!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Rio de Janeiro</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you so much to my beta, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/more1weasley/profile">More1Weasley</a>, for all the help, and in this case, help with the Portuguese too! I really appreciate it!!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Rio de Janeiro was the first flight they could realistically make — well, actually it was the second, the first flight they could realistically have made was London, but it was too soon to go back there when Charlotte Reed had just spotted him in Central Park. He had ten minutes to spare before boarding so he stopped in one of the shops on the way to the gate for a phrase book — according to the woman behind the counter, they spoke Portuguese in Brazil and Sirius certainly did not — and some food for Harry. Sirius felt too stressed to eat. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He was under no illusion about how close a call that had been, how lucky they had just gotten. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Where’s Roar?” Harry asked as they boarded the plane. Sirius felt his heart start to pound. He’d packed him, he had absolutely, definitely packed him… but if he hadn’t, Harry would be inconsolable. He set Harry down on his seat and began to search the bag. As convenient as the undetectable extension charm was, it was a nightmare if you were trying to find something in a hurry. Unfortunately he couldn’t just summon him; the man across the aisle was watching them and his wand was tucked into his belt. “Where’s Roar?” Harry asked again, his bottom lip starting to tremble. Sirius felt his fingers close around a soft toy and he pulled it out, praying as he did, that it was Roar. It was. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“There you go.” He said, handing him over. He also took out a colouring book for him before stowing the bag away above their heads. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Where we gone?” Harry asked, as Sirius sat down beside him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We’re going on a new adventure.” Sirius explained; that had to sound better than </span>
  <em>
    <span>we’re having to run so that I don’t get arrested and you have to grow up with your Aunt and Uncle</span>
  </em>
  <span>, especially because they weren’t alone. “That’ll be exciting, won’t it?” He asked, but Harry didn’t look so sure. Sirius closed his eyes in relief as the plane took off, but it wasn’t long before the relief was replaced by panic. He had no idea what they were going to do or where they were going to go.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He pressed his forehead against the seat in front of him, his breath coming out in short, sharp gasps. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Stop it!</span>
  </em>
  <span> He was going to draw attention to himself, they didn’t need attention right now. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Stop it!</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sisus?” Harry asked, his voice small. He </span>
  <em>
    <span>couldn’t</span>
  </em>
  <span> panic. He was the adult, he had to be the adult. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m okay.” He said, his voice shaking in contradiction. “We’re going to be okay.” He sat up and forced a smile onto his face. “Can you colour me something nice?” He asked. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I always colour nice.” Harry said defiantly, and Sirius felt his smile become real. He watched Harry for a while, watched as he eventually started to knead his tired eyes. He pushed the armrest up and coaxed Harry to lie down, rubbing gentle circles into his temple.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sirius couldn’t sleep, and by the time they landed, he was exhausted. Getting through the airport was more of a challenge than he was used to, and it had nothing to do with the language barrier. They seemed suspicious of him, and it didn’t help when he couldn’t answer where he was going to be staying. He was too tired to convincingly lie his way out of this one. Drawing his wand from inside his jacket, he Confunded the passport control officer. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry was watching him accusingly, as though he really understood — maybe he did — as he changed their US dollars into Brazilian </span>
  <em>
    <span>cruzeiros</span>
  </em>
  <span> at the currency exchange shop. They followed other passengers from the airport terminal. “I couldn’t chance him sending us right back to New York.” He muttered by way of explanation, though he wasn’t sure if Harry did actually understand or if he was just picking up on Sirius’s discomfort. He sat down at the bus stop and pulled the little boy onto his lap. They’d get off when they reached a promising looking town, find a hotel, and he could plan their next move. It was the usual routine. He’d done it enough times now that he was used to it, it just might be a little trickier this time around. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Except Sirius fell asleep on the bus. By the time Harry poked him awake, the bus was almost empty. He straightened up and looked around, he had no idea how far they’d come.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How long was I asleep?” He asked Harry.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“About this much.” Harry said, holding his hands about a foot apart. Clearly he hadn’t understood the question. The bus turned into a crowded town, full of flats and little shops and Sirius pressed the bell to stop the bus. This would have to do for now. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Alright, Harry.” He said, lifting him up into his arms, the last thing he needed was to lose him among the crowd. “We’re looking for a sign that says ‘hotel.’” But Harry wasn’t listening, his head was turning in every direction as they walked down side streets, past shops and market stalls, people cooking, playing music. Something collided hard with Sirius back, he flew forwards into the doorway of a bakery and Harry’s head hit the frame. The little boy burst into tears. “Harry!” He gasped, pulling himself up and cradling his hand over Harry’s head. He whipped around to see a group of kids running down the street, one of them must have pushed him out of the way.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Você está bem?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sirius turned to the old man who had darted, with surprising speed for someone his age, from the bakery. “I’m sorry, what?” He asked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you okay?” The man said over Harry’s cries, in English this time.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You speak English?” Sirius asked, slightly embarrassed by the evident relief in his voice, at least when he was in Paris he understood French, spoke a bit too. In Brazil, he was completely out of his depth.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sim, better than most in the neighbourhood. I was married to an American.” He said, beckoning Sirius inside. “Sit. I will fetch you some ice.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sirius took a seat on the stool in the corner and ran his fingers over Harry’s skull, trying to feel for a lump. “That hurts!” Harry snapped, pushing Sirius’s hand away.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry, Harry.” He said. The man returned with ice wrapped in a tea towel and handed it to Sirius. He pressed it against the spot that had bumped against the wood.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s cold.” Harry mumbled, wiping his nose on the front of Sirius’s shirt. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you.” He said to the man. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Não se preocupe.” He smiled. “I’m Augusto.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Leo. And this is Harry.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Like a lion?” Augusto asked, and Sirius grinned, he still wasn’t really sure if he was annoyed at Moony for that one or grateful. “Those children are a menace, running around causing trouble. They’ll be running around in gangs if their parents aren’t careful. I’d have never let my two behave like that when they were young.” Sirius bit back a smile, he half expected Augusto to cross to the window and shake his fist in their direction. He readjusted the icepack on Harry’s head. “Does he need to see a... médico — a doctor? I don’t have a car, but my neighbour Mariane drives me, I can ask her to take you to the hospital.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I think he’ll be okay, but I’ll keep that in mind. Thanks.” Sirius said. “You don’t know of any hotels around here, do you? I need to find somewhere for us to stay.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“None that are… child-friendly.” Augusto chuckled. “Bordel.” He added when Sirius raised his eyebrows. He didn’t need to speak Portuguese, he could hazard a guess at that translation. “This neighbourhood doesn’t get many tourists. Wouldn’t you be better in the city?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I fell asleep on the bus.” Sirius said, though really he’d had no idea where he was going. “And, I’m not a tourist, not really. We’ve relocated. I was sick of the cold in England.” He lied. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And you picked a country where you don’t speak the language?” Augusto laughed. The bell rang as a customer entered to buy a loaf of bread. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Probably not one of my smarter ideas.” Sirius muttered when the customer had left. “Will the bus take  me into the city?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It can be unreliable this far out on the weekends, the drivers are wary of this place, too many robberies. You have a better chance if you wait until Monday.” Augusto said. Sirius tried not to click his tongue in frustration. What was he supposed to do until then, get a room in the brothel? That hardly sounded like a good parenting choice. “You can stay in my children's old bedroom until then, if you like.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s really kind of you.” Sirius said, surprised by the generosity of this stranger. “Are you sure?” Augusto nodded. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll show you up there.” He said, beckoning him out of the bakery, he flipped around the sign on the door to say closed and locked it behind them, before leading Sirius around the shop front to a side door. “I’m on the third floor… Terceiro andar.” He added, as though to try and teach him some Portuguese, leading him up a dimly lit staircase. Augusto let them into the apartment, it was small, shabby. The furniture was old and patched, but it gave it the appearance of being loved. “This was my son and daughter’s room." He said opening a door to reveal two single beds. It didn’t look like he’d redecorated since they were teenagers, there were posters and photographs still on the wall. “Daniel is now an architect in California, and Caroline is a doctor in Gravatai.” Sirius nodded. “I have to go back downstairs, but there is a spare key in the kitchen drawer next to the sink if you want to explore the neighbourhood. But if you do, mind yourself and you don’t want to be out after dark.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why? What do you mean?” Sirius asked, his grip on Harry tightening, he didn’t realise it until Harry started trying to wriggle free. “Sorry.” He muttered to the little boy, loosening his arms.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The crime can be bad in this part, the city is a bit better.” Augusto explained. “I’m sure you’ll be fine. I close the shop at five and I’ll cook dinner. Help yourself to anything in the fridge, and feel free to use the shower or bathe your filho — your little boy.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“This is very kind of you.” Sirius said again, he might venture out with Harry later, but Augusto wasn’t really selling the idea to him. “You wouldn’t catch anyone in London doing this, they’re all grumpy as shit. I think it’s the weather.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It must feel very warm here to you.” Augusto laughed, on his way out. “I’ll see you later.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sirius set Harry down and dropped the bag, looking around. He supposed Augusto wasn’t worried about him robbing the place because there was nothing worth stealing; nothing that held much beyond sentimental value, anyway.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Right, I think it’s time for us to take a nap. I’m sleepy, are you sleepy?” Sirius asked, he doubted it, Harry has slept for most of the plane journey. But he didn’t want to sleep while Harry was awake. Then again, he wasn’t sure people were supposed to sleep after they’d hit their head. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No.” Harry said. “Sisus is gumpy as shit.” He parroted.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Harry!” He scolded, trying very hard not to laugh. If he laughed, it would encourage him. “Don’t use that word, please. Now come on, let’s go and have a lie down for a couple of hours and then we’ll have a look around.”  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I need to sit on the potty.” Harry said and Sirius nodded.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you want to use the toilet like you did on the airplane, or do you want me to get your potty out?” He asked, it had been a challenge on the plane, Harry had been terrified that he was going to fall in. “If you sit on the toilet, I promise I won’t let you fall.” He added. Harry agreed to the toilet and after, Sirius changed him into his pyjamas, hoping that it would make the little boy feel a little more like taking a nap. He got into one of the beds and waited for Harry to settle down beside him, he wasn’t going to make him sleep in the other bed when they were somewhere so new. “Is Roar going to take a nap too?” He yawned, wrapping the covers around them. “I think he’s a very sleepy lion.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sirius hummed quietly to Harry — what he realised after a while was the </span>
  <em>
    <span>M*A*S*H </span>
  </em>
  <span>theme tune — not intending to fall asleep before Harry did, but he was sure that he had. Sirius wasn’t sure how long he had slept, but he was woken by Harry shaking his arm.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What is it?” He asked into the pillow.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Can I have some suse?” Harry asked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, absolutely.” Sirius said, sitting up. He looked at his watch, though he wasn’t sure that the time was accurate anymore. He padded into the kitchen, Harry following along behind him. It didn’t seem like Augusto was back yet. “Alright,” He said, opening the fridge. “There’s no juice, but you can have some water.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No.” Harry whined.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“If you’re actually thirsty, you’ll drink the water.” Sirius said, pouring some from the bottle into a glass for him. He’d get Harry dressed and go buy some juice. “Did you sleep?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nuh-uh.” Harry grinned triumphantly, as though he had gotten one over on Sirius. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I suppose it means you’ll go to bed early.” Sirius muttered under his breath. “Does your head still hurt?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Not much.” Harry shrugged, taking the glass of water from him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As much as Sirius had enjoyed walking around the market and little shops — though he wasn’t nearly as fascinated by all the sounds and colours as Harry seemed to be — he had heeded Augusto’s warnings. He kept a very tight hold on Harry’s hand as they roamed the crowded streets, and as soon as the sun began to set at half five, he picked him up and weaved his way back to Augusto’s home. He could smell the food as he climbed the stairs and he really hoped that it was coming from Augusto’s. He let them in and grinned. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Whatever that is, it smells incredible.” Sirius said.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Arroz carreteiro. You will love it.” Augusto said, appearing in a polkadot apron, wooden spoon in hand. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Can I have some sweeties?” Harry asked, tugging on Sirius’s hand. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll see what I can find after dinner.” Sirius said. Harry needed a proper meal, he’d had breakfast on the plane and fruit from the market while they walked around, but he couldn’t just have sweets and chocolate now. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But I’m hungey.” Harry whined.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, it’s a good job Augusto has cooked for us then, isn’t it?” Sirius challenged, helping Harry take his shoes off while the little menace pouted. “Do you want me to set the table?” He asked Augusto.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sim, por favor… Yes, please.” Augusto smiled. Sirius set Harry on one of the chairs at the table and took some plates and glasses from the cupboard and cutlery from the draw. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you want me to find something to sit you a bit higher on?” Sirius asked as Harry knelt up on the chair; it was a little lower in comparison to the table than he was used to.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No.” Harry said defiantly. “I don’t want a high chair.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I didn’t say ‘high chair’, I just asked— Oh forget it.” He sighed, sitting down in the chair beside the toddler’s. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Augusto carried the dish over and plated it out for them. Harry scooped up a forkful and Sirius quickly grabbed his arm. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ah ah, it’s too hot. Blow on it first.” The last thing he wanted was him burning his mouth; he’d have to add it to the head bump in the list of things he’d done to get Harry hurt. Sirius tried a mouthful of his own, and it tasted even better than it smelled. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“This is fantastic.” He said. “What’s in it?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mostly rice and beef.” Augusto shrugged. “Very easy to make.” Sirius looked over at Harry, who had either decided that the food had cooled enough, or no longer wanted to wait, and his eyes lit up at the taste. He supposed that he should ask Augusto for the recipe so he could have a go at making it himself. Harry had some favourite meals — like scrambled eggs — that he requested all the time, but Sirius knew he was lucky that the little boy was always willing to at least </span>
  <em>
    <span>try</span>
  </em>
  <span> new foods. There had been mothers at Harry’s ballet class that would complain constantly about how fussy their children were; refusing to try anything that wasn’t the right colour or texture, or simply something they’d not encountered before.  “Do you like it, Harry?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yummy.” Harry said; well, Sirius was sure that was what he said, his little cheeks bulging with food. He wanted to tell him off for talking with his mouth full, but Augusto had asked him a question, and he was very cute. Harry being cute was one of the biggest obstacles to Sirius being able to discipline him… that, and the fact that it hadn’t meant to be his job. He was supposed to be the fun one. He wondered, absentmindedly, how he would have been with his — he tried in vain not to think the word ‘daughter’ because that made the future he now would never have painfully real — or if he’d have left being strict to Marlene. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Is it just the two of you?” Augusto asked curiously.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, I’m a widower.” He wouldn’t have to fake the look of sadness with thoughts of Marlene at the forefront of his mind. “My wife died.” He added, for Augusto seemed to be trying to remember the translation.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ah, yes, a </span>
  <em>
    <span>viúvo</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” Augusto said, with a sympathetic nod. “I’m sorry.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It is what it is.” Sirius murmured. “What about you, you mentioned that you were married to an American?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Divorced. She lives in Florida now.” Augusto said. “Still friends though.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s good, that you’re still friends, I mean.” Sirius said. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>While Augusto’s English was very good, as the conversation went on there were moments when they didn’t quite understand each other, having to rely on gestures to articulate their meaning. But it was nice, all the same. After they’d eaten, Sirius put Harry in the shower. He was sleepy and Sirius couldn’t blame him, it had been a long day. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ballet when I wake up?” Harry asked as Sirius shampooed his hair. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, Bambi. We don’t live in New York anymore. I can try and find you somewhere when we get settled, but it might be a while.” Sirius sighed. “Tip your head back.” He said, and started to rinse out his hair. Harry spluttered as some of the water still ran down onto his face. “Sorry.” He said, wiping it with the corner of the towel. Sirius lifted him out, wrapping him in the towel, he tried to dry him off, but Harry wrapped his wet arms around his neck. “I think someone is a tired little boy.” He grinned, rubbing his back. Harry shook his head.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m not!” Harry protested. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>For someone who wasn’t tired, Harry fell asleep only a few pages into </span>
  <em>
    <span>Bambi</span>
  </em>
  <span> after Sirius had tucked him in. Sirius stayed up for a little while, chatting with Augusto, but before long had to call it a night as well. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>At first he wasn’t sure what had woken him; the room was dark and Harry had crawled into bed with him, his warm body was curled up against Sirius’s side. Then he heard it. A popping noise from the street below. No, not pops, bangs. Like someone was setting off fireworks — he hoped they didn’t wake Harry, he was still jumpy about fireworks.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Except, it didn’t quite </span>
  <em>
    <span>sound</span>
  </em>
  <span> like fireworks. There wasn’t the accompanying whistling and whooshing. And then, someone outside screamed. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Gunfire. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Bloody Muggles and their stupid guns. There was another loud bang, even closer this time, another scream, a shout, and Harry woke with a start, bursting into tears.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Shh, it’s alright.” Sirius said, sitting up and pulling his godson into his arms. Had this been why Augusto had warned him not to go out after dark? He reached for his wand, clutching it tightly in his hand. Hiding up here felt like the most cowardly act of his life. He </span>
  <em>
    <span>hated</span>
  </em>
  <span> feeling like a coward. He should go down there, try to help, but that would mean leaving Harry, and how could he leave Harry while he was scared and crying like this? He slid up the bed and into the corner, cradling his godson, his thumb rubbing soothing circles into his temple with his free hand. “I’ve got you, I’ll keep you safe, I promise.” He pointed his wand at the window, the least he could do was try and muffle the noise coming through the glass, hopefully it would calm Harry a little.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sirius didn’t sleep for the rest of the night. He sat up in bed, wand in hand, clutching Harry close… Even after all had gone quiet outside.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I need the potty.” Harry mumbled tugging on his hand when he’d woken again. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, yeah. Alright.” Sirius said absently, getting out of bed and letting Harry tug him towards the bathroom. When they reemerged, Augusto was in the kitchen making coffee as though nothing had happened. “Did you not— Didn’t you hear the shooting last night?” He asked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t even notice it anymore. It’s like that most nights.” Augusto shrugged. “Coffee?” </span>
  <em>
    <span>Coffee?</span>
  </em>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t the police investigate? Don’t they stop it?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Augusto laughed. “This is a… um, a </span>
  <em>
    <span>favela</span>
  </em>
  <span>. As long as it stays here and away from the tourists, they don’t care. They only care about things here that they can get a cut of.” He said, rubbing his thumb against his fingers, in case it wasn’t clear that he meant money. Sirius stared at him, wondering how he could be so calm about it. “I have to open up downstairs.” He said, pouring coffee into a cup for Sirius. “There is cereal in the cupboard.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Right, thanks.” Sirius said faintly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He managed to keep Harry occupied inside even as he asked to go out, but luckily it started to rain so he had an excuse that sounded better than ‘I’m too scared.’ He wasn’t scared for his own safety, not really, he hadn’t really been scared for his own safety for almost two years. It was Harry he was afraid for. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Although Harry had seemed fine during the day, he refused point blank to sleep in his own bed. Sirius tried everything from sweet talking, to bribery, to threats to take all his toys away — the latter he felt exceptionally guilty about. Nothing worked, the boy just screamed his little lungs out. Sirius relented, both to spare the ears of Augusto and his neighbours, and because it broke Sirius’s heart to hear him carrying on like that. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It wasn’t Harry’s fault, all that noise last night had terrified him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sirius was less lucky the following day, it was dry and Harry pestered him constantly to go outside. He understood; he hated being caged up too, and Augusto’s apartment was so small. He took Harry downstairs to the bakery and got directions to a small playground on the other side of the neighbourhood. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was amazing to watch Harry play with the children there. They didn’t even speak the same language, but that didn’t seem to matter. Children really were remarkable little creatures. Harry would probably do just fine in Brazil, even if Sirius ended up as some sort of recluse. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You want to get some lunch?” Sirius called after a while, starting to feel hungry himself. Harry ran over to him, waving goodbye to his new friends. Sirius took his hand and they walked back through the streets, Sirius trying to remember the way. He took a turn off a side street, hoping it would take them back to the main road, but it was a dead end. He turned back and came face to face with a gun, the man holding it looked even younger than he was, scarcely more than a teenage. Harry wrapped his arms around his leg.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You don’t want to do that.” Sirius said quietly, what chance did a gun have against a wand? He went to reach behind him to draw it, but the man pointed his gun at Harry. Sirius froze, heart pounding, desperately trying to think of a way out of this. There was no way he could guarantee he’d be fast enough to stop Harry getting hurt. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Me dê o seu dinheiro!” The man shouted.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t understand.” Sirius said, trying to keep his voice steady.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Dinheiro! Dinheiro!” He repeated. Sirius slowly reached into his pocket and pulled out the couple of notes he had in there, hoping that was what he was after. The man lunged forward and snatched them from him. The rest were in his bag. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sua bolsa!” The man pointed at the bag with his free hand and Sirius let it drop from his shoulder and threw it to the floor at his feet. Their entire lives were in that bag, but that didn’t matter now. Without taking the gun off of Harry, he bent down and unzipped it — kicking it away in frustration when all he could see in there were clothes. “Eu quero seu relógio!” He snarled, gesturing the gun at Sirius’s wrist. He took the opportunity to shift himself in front of Harry, blocking him from view. Sirius unfastened the strap of his watch and threw it to him, its sentimental value — a gift from Fleamont and Euphemia — was meaningless when weighed against Harry’s life. The man caught it and bolted. Sirius spun and scooped Harry up, trying to blink away tears. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you alright?” He asked, clutching him tightly in his arms. They needed to get out of here, it wasn’t safe. This wasn’t the sort of world he wanted to bring Harry up in. He’d ask Augusto where they could go, somewhere safer. All he wanted was a quiet life. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As much as he tried not to, Sirius was shaking as he walked back to the bakery, and it was agitating Harry. That had been too close. The little boy, who had kept remarkably, mercifully, silent during the robbery, was beginning to whimper. “Shh, it’s okay. We’re okay.” Sirius lied. It wasn’t okay at all.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Leo?” Augusto asked, looking over as he handed a bag to a woman. Sirius moved aside so that she could pass him. “What’s wrong?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We were just robbed.” Sirius hissed, pacing the length of the bakery. He needed to calm down, he was scared, and really fucking angry, but he needed to calm down. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Meu Deus!” Augusto gasped. “Are you okay?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We’re fine.” Sirius muttered, glancing at the chair in the corner, but deciding against it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Shall I call the </span>
  <em>
    <span>polícia</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” He asked, and Sirius snorted. He’d already told him that they didn’t care. Plus, he was supposed to be laying low. The last thing he needed was police sniffing round him, even if they were Muggles. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s fine.” Sirius muttered against Harry’s hair and rubbed his back. “He didn’t get much. A couple of quid. My watch.” Harry was safe, that was all that mattered. Harry was safe. “We can’t stay here. We need to go somewhere else. I can’t live in fear that he’s going to get shot.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Where Caroline lives, Gravatai. She has a lovely life there with her husband and children.” Augusto said. Sirius needed to stop moving, he was working Harry up, but he couldn’t. He needed to put him down, but even if he could make himself loosen his arms, Harry was gripping the front of his shirt so tightly he wasn’t sure he’d be able to pry his hands away. “You’ll need to go into the city and get a car. I’ll show you where it is on the map tonight.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Right. Thanks.” Sirius muttered, striding from the bakery and back up to the apartment. “Harry, let go.” He snapped, trying to set the little boy down on the sofa. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No!” Harry screamed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I said let go!” Sirius yanked his shirt out of his grip. He ran a hand through his hair and crossed to the kitchen. He’d faced worse. Harry had faced worse. But that didn’t matter, he was supposed to be keeping him safe. He opened one of the cupboards and took out a bottle of </span>
  <em>
    <span>cachaça</span>
  </em>
  <span>, he wasn’t quite sure what sort of alcohol it was, but he was sure that it would do the trick. He grabbed a glass and poured it out, hesitating for just a moment before swallowing the liquid down in one. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Lily would be so disappointed in him. She’d made him promise not to drink when he was feeling so miserable. He leant over and pressed his forehead against the wood of the countertop. “Get a grip.” He hissed. He was fine, they were fine, he was overreacting. Acting like a fucking child. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He was supposed to protect Harry, not get him killed. He straightened up and turned; Harry was watching him from the sofa.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m really sorry.” He murmured. Harry’s bottom lip trembled, his green eyes wet with fresh tears. He started forwards, but Harry slid from the sofa and ran into the bedroom. Sirius followed him. He’d buried himself under the covers of Sirius’s bed. Sirius sighed and sat down next to the lump. He hesitated before placing his hand on the boy's back. “I shouldn’t have shouted at you, you were scared and upset… so was I. But I shouldn’t have shouted at you. I’m trying so hard to keep you safe, and I’m failing. I’m sorry.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Go away.” Harry mumbled. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Alright, I’ll be in the living room if you need me for anything.” He sighed. “I love you, Bambi.” Harry kicked against his leg and Sirius got up, leaving him alone.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>By the next morning, Harry had forgotten that he was angry with Sirius, though that didn’t rid him of his guilt. Augusto had drawn the route to Gravatai on a map for him;  they were going to stop overnight in São Paulo — it was a long drive and by the time he’d got to the city and found a car, half the day would be gone — and he’d called Caroline telling her to expect them. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you for everything.” Sirius said, as Augusto walked them to the bus stop. “Obrigado.” He tried, hoping that he was pronouncing it right. He figured he must have been close enough because Augusto beamed. “Say “obrigado, Augusto.” He coaxed Harry.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Obigo, Gus.” Harry grinned up at him, and Augusto bent down to pinch the little boy’s cheek.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You are very welcome.” He said. Augusto waved them goodbye and Sirius kept a tight hold of Harry’s hand as they waited for the bus. He was nervous, jumpy, and suspicious of everyone who passed them. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sure it won’t be long now, Harry, and we can continue on with our adventure.” Sirius assured him. Mariane, Augusto’s neighbour, had suggested a couple of places he could buy a secondhand car; driving a car would be challenging enough (he’d never mastered it quite as well as the bike), but learning how to drive on the other side of the street? Now </span>
  <em>
    <span>that </span>
  </em>
  <span>was going to be difficult. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Once the bus arrived, he let Harry choose their seat after they boarded. The boy knelt up, his face pressed eagerly to the window, excited to watch the world outside. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What’s that?” Harry asked, pointing.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What’s what?” Sirius asked, leaning over to try and see what he was looking at. It could have been any number of things as the bus turned onto the main road out of the </span>
  <em>
    <span>favela</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s gone now.” Harry sighed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What was it?” Sirius asked curiously.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>know</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” Harry said, with such a tone of exasperation that Sirius burst out laughing. He supposed it had been a stupid question, Harry had asked because he </span>
  <em>
    <span>didn’t</span>
  </em>
  <span> know. After a while Harry began to get bored and irritable, he supposed he didn’t blame him; the journey into the city was a little over an hour and that must feel like a long time to a toddler. He tried to entertain him with a game of I Spy, but he was proving difficult to distract this morning.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Alright,” Sirius said when they finally alighted. “Let’s go and get a car.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Up!” Harry demanded, tugging on Sirius’s arm. He sighed and picked him up; Sirius supposed it was better than risking him running away. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m buying you a pushchair.” He muttered. He couldn’t believe he hadn’t already. He kept meaning to, he just hadn’t gotten around to it. But Harry was getting older now anyway, it wouldn’t be necessary before long. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As he wandered around the dealership, Sirius wished that he had Lily with him. She’d gone with him to buy the bike, and really he had no idea what he was looking for. There were plenty of choices, but that was making things harder rather than easier. Eventually, he settled on one that was very scratched, it’s paint chipped — he would never be able to explain what had drawn him to it, there were certainly ones in better condition, more expensive ones too, but there was something endearing about it. The little he paid for the beat up car was probably too much, but as long as it got him to Gravatai, he didn’t care. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Aren’t you supposed to be in a car seat?” Sirius asked Harry while he strapped him into the back seat, as though he would have any idea. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nope.” Harry said and Sirius pursed his lips. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Sure, kid.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Sirius got into the driver's seat, or what he thought was the driver’s seat. He sat down and realised that the steering wheel was on the other side. He glanced at Harry in the rearview mirror, and was very glad that he was the only one who had seen that. Sirius slid across to the actual drivers seat and took a deep breath. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He started the car, trying to remember how to drive. Remus had shown him… but it felt like a lifetime ago and that had all been on the other side of the road, now he felt like everything was backwards. He drew his wand and turned in his seat, casting a cushioning charm on Harry; he doubted that was the spell’s intended use but it would have to do. Hopefully it would provide the boy with some protection should they crash. He pulled out onto the road and immediately stalled the car. Horns behind him blared. He glanced at Harry in the mirror, and the toddler was looking at him with an immense lack of confidence. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t look at me like that.” He muttered grumpily, starting the car again and waving apologetically out of the window at the cars behind. He tried unfurling the map out onto the passenger seat, quickly straightening the car out as he swerved towards oncoming traffic. “Sorry.” He muttered to Harry. Why was this so much harder than the bike? </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was evening before they reached São Paulo. The city gave Sirius the same feeling that New York had, that the magical and Muggle worlds existed side by side. Unlike New York though, he didn’t think it would be wise to stick around here long. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As he drove through the city streets — he’d mostly gotten the hang of it now — he noticed the multitude of wizarding establishments: Apothecary’s, Quidditch supplies, robe shops, all unnoticed by the Muggle pedestrians. He needed to try and keep his distance from them.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Instead, Sirius pulled up outside a hotel called Maksoud Plaza; it looked fancy and he could treat them for one night. He got out and opened the door to let Harry out before handing the keys to the parking valet — who gave the car a well deserved look of disparagement. The doorman gave Sirius and Harry the same look and he thought that was less deserved. He nudged Harry to run in ahead of him so he could get his wallet and phrase book out. The little boy stopped so suddenly that Sirius almost tripped over him. He followed his gaze upwards and understood why; the atrium was vast, open, all the way up to the top of the twenty-odd floors. There were a lot of internal balconies to stop Harry climbing, Sirius thought as he grabbed the boy’s hand. Hopefully there were ground floor rooms. He guided Harry over to the reception desk and opened the phrasebook.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Olá.” He tried tentatively to the receptionist. “Eu preciso… um quarto… por uma noite?” He asked hoping that it sounded enough like Portuguese for her to understand what he was saying. He couldn’t flip through the phrase book fast enough to understand how much that would be, so he handed her over a wad of notes and hoped for the best. She gave him a pitying look before taking what she needed and handing the rest back. She lifted a key from the back wall and handed it over. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Pegue o elevador até o décimo primeiro andar e vire à direita.” She said. Sirius stared at her blankly, not even bothering to try and skim through the book to translate this time.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry…” Sirius sighed apologetically, running his hand through his hair.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The eleventh floor.” She smiled, gesturing to the lift. Harry spotted them as Sirius turned around and set off at a run. The little boy skidded to a halt, gave Sirius a cheeky grin and pressed the button. The doors slid open and Harry stepped inside. Sirius hurtled after him and threw his arm between the doors to stop them closing, the last thing he needed was for Harry to disappear in a big hotel.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nice try, Harry.” He muttered, not even bothering to stop him dragging his hand down the floor buttons. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m hungy.” Harry whined as they rode the lift up — it stopped on every floor. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Same, kid.” Sirius said. “We’ll order room service.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They reached their floor, eventually,  and Sirius followed the numbers along until he found their room. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Alright, in you go.” He said, and Harry ran past him, jumping onto the bed. Sirius dropped their bag and picked up the room service menu, mercifully it included English translations. He smiled at the sight of Pumpkin soup; he’d not had it since he was at school. He wondered if Harry had ever tried it… If he had, he doubted he would be able to remember it. Sirius ordered shrimp risotto, Harry’d had that before and liked it, and pumpkin soup so the little boy could try it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Right, time to put your pyjamas on, ready for bed.” Sirius said, summoning a pair from the bag. Harry pouted. He should be exhausted, Sirius had tried to keep him awake in the car so that he’d sleep better tonight, but it had been hard to do while he had been sitting in the backseat. “Do you need to use the toilet? It’s been a while since we stopped last?” Harry seemed to think about the question for a moment.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah.” He finally said, and Sirius followed him into the bathroom to help him, taking the pajamas along too. “Don’t let me fall.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I promise I won’t.” Sirius said, trying not to laugh, he found it such an adorably funny worry. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Arms up.” Sirius said, after he’d helped him wash his hands. Harry lifted his arms and Sirius pulled his t-shirt off before helping him into the pyjama top. He hid the boy's face with the fabric before pulling it down and kissing his cheek. Harry giggled. Sirius helped him into the pyjama bottoms and Harry ran back into the main room, rooting round in the bag for Roar. “Careful you don’t fall in.” Sirius warned, that was always the worry with the extension charm, Harry might topple right inside. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I can’t reach him!” Harry complained. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Accio </span>
  </em>
  <span>Roar!” Sirius called, and the little lion flew up from the depths and Harry caught it — like the excellent Seeker-in-training he was. Sirius frowned slightly when he crossed the room and set the lion on the chair before backing away.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Acko Roar!” Harry repeated, holding out his hands. The toy stayed firmly in place. Sirius thought he might break a rib trying not to laugh. “Acko Roar!” He shouted again. Sirius moved behind Harry and pointed his wand at the toy. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Accio Roar.</span>
  </em>
  <span> It soared through the air and Harry caught it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Did it!” Harry squealed happily.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well done.” Sirius praised, trying desperately to keep a straight face. He shouldn’t have done that really, now he’d spend the rest of Harry’s childhood following round and silently summoning objects for him. “Enough with the summoning charm now.” He said closing the curtains with a wave of his wand. “Why don’t you tuck Roar in so he can go to sleep while we eat our dinner?” He suggested, wanting to distract him. He watched as Harry tucked the toy into the bed covers and strung together a little nonsensical tune like a lullaby for him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He was such a soft little boy, Lily and James would melt if they could see him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>At the knock on the door, Sirius went to collect the food and set it on the little table in the corner. “I’ve ordered some pumpkin soup.” He told Harry. “You can have your risotto, but I want you to try this first— when it cools down a little.” He added quickly as Harry joined him at the table. He reached over and tucked a napkin into the front of his pyjamas so he wouldn’t make a mess down his front and broke the bread rolls into more manageable sections for him. “Here, dip this in.” He said, buttering one of the pieces.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry dipped the bread in the soup and licked it off, that hadn’t quite been the idea but his face lit up at the taste. “You like pumpkin, you’ll do fine at Hogwarts.” Sirius laughed, helping himself to some soup. It gave him that warm feeling of home, he missed that place so much… what he’d give to go back to those days. He divided the risotto up into smaller bowls and passed one to Harry and poured him a glass of water. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Pease can I have some suse?” He asked. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ve run out.” Sirius lied, there was still a carton of blackcurrant juice in the bag, but there was a lot of sugar in it and he didn’t want him bouncing off the walls when he was trying to get him to go to sleep. Harry gave him a death glare, but took a sip of the water. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Is it my birthday soon?” Harry asked, swallowing a mouthful of risotto.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“At the end of the month. Do you know how old you’ll be?” Sirius asked, and Harry thought about it for a moment, before holding up three fingers.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Excellent! Yes, you’ll be three. What do you want for a birthday present— Before you ask, you can’t have a pet dragon.” He added quickly, and Harry’s face fell. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“A pet lion.” Harry grinned suddenly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You don’t want a pet lion, Roar will get jealous.” Sirius said.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“A pet tobobus.” Harry said.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“A tobo— an octopus? You’re being silly now, aren’t you?” He asked and Harry giggled. “You don’t want one of those, anyway. You wouldn’t be able to take it to school, and then the Giant Squid might get jealous, it’d be a whole mess…” he added, mostly to himself as Harry only frowned at him. Sirius shook his head and nodded at the boy’s food. “Come on, eat up.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry picked a shrimp out of the rice and bit into it. “Can I colour?” He asked, sliding off the seat, half of the shrimp still in hand. For someone who was supposedly hungry, he was eating monumentally slowly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That depends on how long it takes you to eat.” Sirius warned, it was going to be a long day tomorrow and he wanted to get him to bed. Harry considered his options and climbed back up onto the chair, shoved the rest of the shrimp in his mouth and picked up his spoon. Sirius returned to his own risotto, occasionally dipping some of the bread roll into the pumpkin soup — he couldn’t help himself, it just reminded him so much of happier times. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After Harry had eaten his fill, he got out his colouring book and crayons for him and they settled down on the floor. He handed Sirius a blue crayon and pointed to the dragon on the page. “You do the blue one.” Harry instructed, picking up the red crayon, and starting to colour in… and around, the other dragon. Sirius might not be very good at drawing, but at least he could colour inside the lines. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sirius woke before Harry the next morning, and used the opportunity to shower and shave in peace. He’d have to wake the boy soon, but he hadn’t decided whether to just order breakfast to the room, if he did they could eat while he got Harry ready, so they might get away quicker. He reentered the main space of the hotel room and looked at Harry sprawled out in the middle of the bed — in fact, he was sure that Harry had been nudging him closer to the edge of the mattress all night. He looked so sweet, so peaceful, Sirius didn’t want to wake him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He glanced at the room service menu and called down to order the breakfast. Before summoning the mirror. “Andromeda Tonks.” He called quietly. Andromeda appeared in the mirror, she looked relieved at the sight of him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I was worried that MACUSA had caught you. I figured they would have reported it if they had, but I was still worried.” Andromeda said quickly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What do you mean, reported?” Sirius asked, though he guessed </span>
  <em>
    <span>The Prophet</span>
  </em>
  <span> had written about the sighting in New York.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It was on the front of </span>
  <em>
    <span>The Daily Prophet </span>
  </em>
  <span>that you were almost caught—” Clearly it hadn’t come out that Charlotte had </span>
  <em>
    <span>let him go</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Good, he didn’t want her getting in trouble. “—but the Ministry have told the Muggles to look out for you. Ted gets the </span>
  <em>
    <span>Daily Mirror</span>
  </em>
  <span> and you’re on the front page of that… Not any real details about what they think you did. Vague enough to keep the Wizarding world a secret, but plenty of talk about the kidnapping—”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It wasn’t kidnapping.” Sirius said through gritted teeth. Well, it </span>
  <em>
    <span>was</span>
  </em>
  <span>, sort of. But not a </span>
  <em>
    <span>real</span>
  </em>
  <span> kidnapping… “More of a compassionate abduction…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>A compassionate abduction</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” Andromeda laughed. “I hope you’ve moved again?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I have. It’s a shame, I really liked New York.” Sirius said sadly. “But worse than that, Harry did.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You can’t still be thinking of coming back to Britian?” Andromeda said sternly. Sirius sighed, and looked over at Harry. He wanted to take him </span>
  <em>
    <span>home</span>
  </em>
  <span>. He wanted him to grow up there, grow up the way Lily had, go to the sort of Primary school that she had. But if the Muggles had been told to be on the lookout for him, he didn’t know how it would be possible. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It depends, he’s still young yet, hopefully they’ll have forgotten about us by the time he’s ready to start school.” Sirius murmured.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sirius…” She sighed. “I know you’re trying to do what you think is best for him, but how will you getting arrested do him any good?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Just drop it, Dromeda.” He said. She was being reasonable, but he didn’t want to listen to a reasonable argument right now. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fine. Do you need anything?” She asked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, I…” He hesitated. “Actually, in case I don’t speak to you later, it’s coming up on the second anniversary of Marlene’s—” He broke off, his throat feeling tight. “Do you think you could put some flowers on her grave for me?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, Sirius, of course I will. I’d already planned to.” Andromeda said kindly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you.” He muttered, looking up at the knock at the door. “I’ll speak to you again soon.” He said, putting the mirror away and getting up to fetch their breakfast. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sirius set the food down on the table and sat down on the bed, rubbing his hand over Harry’s back. “Come on, sleepy boy, time to wake up.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No.” Harry grumbled, turning his face into the pillow. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ve got us breakfast. Aren’t you hungry? I’m sure Roar is.” He said, picking up the toy. He crossed back to the table and plated out some breakfast for Harry. “Come on, up you get.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry slid down from the bed and climbed up into the armchair. “What’s that?” He asked, as Sirius put a fried egg on his plate.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It's an egg.” He said, cutting it into smaller pieces, the yolk was slightly soft and Harry wrinkled his little nose.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s not egg!” He pouted. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It is, you’ve just only had them when they’re scrambled before. Come on, try it.” Sirius coaxed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry scooped some up onto his fork and put it in his mouth before quickly spitting it out onto the table. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t do that, ask for a napkin.” Sirius scolded, wiping up the mess and pouring him a glass of orange juice. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t like it.” Harry complained, gulping down his drink.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But it’s egg.” Sirius sighed. Taking the plate away and dishing out a bowl of fruit and yoghurt.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> egg.” Harry insisted. Sirius rolled his eyes, he didn’t have the patience to argue the point right now. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Gravatai</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>It was a long drive to Gravatai. Sirius had to stop a few times for drinks, food and bathroom breaks. Harry was getting frustrated and impatient, and he could hardly blame him; it must be so boring for him sitting in the back of the car by himself. He had taken to frequently asking “How long left?” But the truth was, Sirius didn’t really know the answer. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Eventually, Harry fell asleep. It saved the repetitive questions, but left Sirius without company. Even as he neared Gravatai, he realised that there was a lot more rainforest than he’d seen in the big cities. He also thought it might be easier for them to hide here. Even if the Ministry spread the news of ‘notorious criminal, Sirius Black’ to international Muggle populations, it felt less likely that word would reach this little city. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He pulled up outside what he really hoped was Caroline’s home. It was neat, tidy, the nicest on the street and the number matched the one Augusto had written down for him (although that seven </span>
  <em>
    <span>could </span>
  </em>
  <span>be a one), but maybe it looked so much so because of the unkempt little house on the left or the boarded up ruins of a corner shop to their right. Sirius got out of the car, shouldered the bag and carefully lifted Harry out. As he did so, it occurred to him that he should probably check the address again. He carried the sleeping toddler up to the large gate and rang the bell, waiting. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Leo McKinnon?” Asked the woman that appeared at the front door.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah.” Sirius said. “Are you Caroline? Sorry it’s so late.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s alright, o Pai said you might not get here until the evening.” She said, sliding the gate open for him. “Are you hungry? He called and said you enjoyed his arroz carreteiro, mine is nicer.” Sirius slid the gate closed behind him and followed Caroline up to the house. “This is Adriana, Lucas, and Eloísa.” She said, pointing out the three children, Sirius figured they were between twelve and four. “My husband, Luiz, is at the hospital tonight… He’s a doctor too.” She added quickly. “Kids, this is Leo and Harry. I try to only speak to them in English, while Luiz only speaks to them in Portuguese.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s nice to meet you.” Sirius said.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We there?” Harry mumbled into his shoulder, he looked around, saw Caroline and the children, and quickly hid his face in Sirius’s neck. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, we’re here. Are you going to say hello?” Sirius asked. Harry shook his head. “He can be a bit shy when he’s sleepy.” He apologised. “Caroline has cooked us some arroz cat-carretro.” He said to Harry. Adriana giggled, and Sirius knew that his pronunciation of that must have been awful.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Arroz carreteiro.” Lucas corrected. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Adriana, why don’t you put Leo’s bag in your room?” Caroline said. “She’s going to be sharing with Eloísa until you find your own place.” Sirius nodded and handed the girl the bag. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mãe said Harry can share my room.” Lucas said excitedly, but Harry shook his head against Sirius’s neck again. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Harry might not want to.” Caroline said. “Now go and tuck your little sister in.” Lucas gave a sigh, and took Eloísa’s hand. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Vamo Eloísa, hora de nanar.” Lucas said, leading the youngest of the children from the room. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“They seem very well behaved.” Sirius laughed, following Caroline through to the dining room. “How old are they?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“They usually are. Adriana is twelve, Lucas will be nine in a few months, and Eloísa just turned five.” Caroline explained. Sirius tried to sit Harry down in one of the chairs, but the little boy clung to him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Alright, you can sit on my knee.” He soothed. “Do you need any help, Caroline?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, no, it’s all done. Sit down.” She said. Sirius took one of the seats and moved another of the empty plates closer for Harry.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Did you drive all the way from Rio today?” Adriana asked, sitting down beside him. “It’s so far!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, we drove from São Paulo.” Sirius explained, pouring some water from the jug into a glass for Harry. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s still far.” Adriana said, and Sirius nodded. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Does Harry know how to play soccer?” Lucas asked, joining them as Caroline returned with the pot of food, and began dishing out the food.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t be silly, Lucas, Harry is a baby.” Adriana sighed, before thanking her mother.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Not a baby.” Harry mumbled, Sirius turned him slightly so that he was facing the other children.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How old are you?” He asked him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Two.” Harry said, holding up two fingers. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And how old will you be at the end of this month?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Three!” Harry grinned, but he held up four fingers. Sirius quickly pushed one of them down. It would be nice if Lucas could show him how to play football. James would probably be furious, but Lily would be delighted. Sirius shifted his chair closer to the table so Harry could reach his spoon. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So, Pai tells me you aren’t too fond of Rio?” Caroline grinned, and Sirius shook his head.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, just where your dad lives, I’m sure the city is lovely.” He said apologetically, he didn’t want to sound ungrateful for anything, he really wasn’t. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I hated it, and I grew up in that neighbourhood.” Caroline laughed. “My husband and I bought that house next door, hoping that we could convince him to retire here. It didn’t occur to us just how much work was needed to fix it up, neither of us really have the time. We’re going to have to hire someone.”  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, it’s a big job.” Sirius said. “I fixed up my last house, it was falling to pieces when I bought it. It looked pretty great afterwards, if I do say so myself.” It certainly wouldn’t have if he didn’t have magic, but Caroline didn’t need to know that. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll keep that in mind.” She smiled. Sirius scooped some of his food into his mouth; . she was right: it was even better than Augusto’s, but eating with Harry on his lap wasn’t the easiest thing.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“This is great.” He said, swallowing. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I wanted chicken nuggets.” Lucas mumbled. “Eloísa was allowed chicken nuggets.” He looked sulky, but dropped the subject quickly when Caroline raised her eyebrows at him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What made you decide on Brazil?” Caroline asked. It was a reasonable question, but it didn’t have a particularly reasonable answer; it had just been the next flight.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I needed a change of scenery.” Sirius lied. “I had a friend who came here on holiday, talked about how great it was, and the weather is a lot better than England.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I see.” Caroline said. “I suppose the weather must be an improvement.” He had no idea if she believed him or not.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It will be good if Harry picks up a second language—” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I can teach him!” Adriana offered quickly, hardly letting him finish. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’ll be nice, won’t it, Harry?” Sirius asked him, but the boy seemed too focused on his dinner to really be paying attention.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry had refused to sleep in Lucas’s room, but Sirius wasn’t surprised; he’d seemed reluctant to even let him put him down that evening. Adriana’s room reminded him of how Narcissa’s had been when they were children. Very pretty, very pink, and very tidy. It made him sad to think about that time, they’d been close, he hadn’t idolised her the way he had Andromeda, but they’d been close. She’d sit and paint his nails fun colours, he didn’t even care when his parents got angry at him for letting her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He hated that he missed Narcissa. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sirius rolled over in the bed and frowned, Harry wasn’t there. Glancing at the clock, he saw that it had already gone nine. Had he tried to wake Sirius when he woke needing the toilet, or wanting breakfast? Sirius got up and padded from the room, following the sound of talking through to the lounge. Harry was sat on the floor with the other three children, staring at them a little blankly as they spoke to him in Portuguese, though Sirius expected that he would pick it up far quicker than he would. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Good Morning, Leo.” Caroline said, and Sirius turned. “This is my husband, Luiz.” She gestured needlessly at the man sitting beside her at the table. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Morning.” Luiz said, his accent was a lot thicker than Caroline’s. “It’s nice to meet you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You too.” Sirius smiled, turning back to Harry for a moment. “Are you alright, Bambi?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah.” Harry nodded.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He was hungry so I gave him some cereal, I hope that’s alright?” Caroline asked. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, of course, thank you.” Sirius said, sitting down with them at the table, and pouring coffee from the cafetière into a cup. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Did you sleep alright?” Caroline asked, and Adriana turned her head to listen. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, I slept great. You have a lovely room.” He added to the little girl, and she turned back to Harry with a smile. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Luiz and I have been talking, and we were wondering if you wanted to fix up next door? You can live there while you do. That way you won’t have to rush to find somewhere.” Caroline suggested.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re serious?” He asked, trying to keep a straight face, they wouldn’t understand why that was amusing to him. James or Marlene would have jumped on the bad joke potential. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, but think about it, because it’s a big job. It will take you a while.” Luiz said. </span>
  <em>
    <span>No, it wouldn’t</span>
  </em>
  <span>, but he would have to pretend that it would. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After breakfast Caroline took Sirius next door to see the house, he left Harry rather reluctantly, but she assured him that he would be fine, and Harry seemed perfectly happy to remain with the other children.  The house wasn’t nearly as shabby as the one in Sydney — for a start, this one seemed at least structurally sound. There were a couple of leaks that needed patching up, and inside needed a fair bit of work. With magic, Sirius could do it all in a weekend, of course he couldn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>actually </span>
  </em>
  <span>do that. He had to make it somewhat believable. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We’ll give you money to furnish it. I don’t think it’s a difficult job, as much as it is time consuming. Luiz and I just don’t have that sort of time.” Caroline said. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, I can get this place looking nice, no problem.” He said, looking into one of the bedrooms and seeing the broken bed frame. He could save that with </span>
  <em>
    <span>reparo</span>
  </em>
  <span>, and he’d go out and get a mattress today. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Excelente.” Caroline smiled. “I’ll give you directions to some furniture stores in town.” They returned to the other house and Harry was still sitting on the floor with Adriana. She was having him repeat after her: Um. Dois. Três. Quatro. Cinco. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“One to five.” Caroline said by way of explanation, but Sirius had guessed that much. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He excused himself to shower and dress. This place would be good for Harry. It </span>
  <em>
    <span>needed </span>
  </em>
  <span>to be good for him. Sirius kept uprooting their lives at a drop of a hat, something good </span>
  <em>
    <span>needed</span>
  </em>
  <span> to come out of that. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Come on, Harry, let’s get you ready. We need to go out.” Sirius said, picking the little boy up when he returned to the living room.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He can stay here with us.” Lucas said eagerly. Sirius was sure that he would be able to get things done far quicker without him, but these people were still practically strangers to Harry, he didn’t want to leave him with them. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry might think he’d abandoned him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s very nice of you, but we’ll see you later.” Sirius promised. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, but please—”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Lucas, já chega! Daqui a pouco eles voltam.” Luiz said sharply. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sirius had felt a lot more comfortable walking around Gravatai than he had done in Rio, and he had even managed to find a mattress shop that would deliver that day… though actually trying to explain what he needed took a while. Next time he would ask if he could borrow Adriana to translate for him. Luckily the shop worker seemed more amused by his phrasebook than irritated. He also bought food and cleaning supplies to fill the cupboards so that they wouldn’t have to mooch off Caroline and Luiz. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry managed to convince him to get him a bar of chocolate, something called </span>
  <em>
    <span>Garoto</span>
  </em>
  <span>, and Sirius had relented on the condition that they share it. They ate half of it on the bus ride back; he knew it would probably mean that he’d have a hard time getting Harry to eat any lunch, but he hated having to say no to him all the time. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We’ll clean your room first.” Sirius said as he and Harry walked back from the bus stop to the vacant house. “And we’ll close the curtains so we can use magic.” He added in a whisper as he let them in. He carried the bags into the kitchen and put the perishable food in the fridge.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He filled up a bucket with a cleaning solution and hot water, and led the boy into the bedroom. Sirius waved his wand and the cloth danced around the room, cleaning surfaces. Harry’s eyes lit up as he ran around trying to catch it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry’s room took most of the afternoon. It was in the best condition by far, so it probably wouldn’t have taken quite so long if Sirius hadn’t also been trying to make it fun for him. He could have just sent him next door to play and had it done in no time, but it was good to see Harry having so much fun after the last couple of days. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He repaired the bed in the master bedroom and dragged the two old mattresses out into the front garden just as the new ones were being delivered. He had to do the latter without magic and the delivery men seemed rather amused as they watched him drag one then the other down the front steps of the porch.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Quer ajuda pra carregar pra dentro?” One of the men asked, his hand on the mattress.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry?” Sirius asked, rather pathetically. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He asked if you wanted help carrying them in.” Adriana called, clambering up to lean over the fence and faced the delivery men. “Ele não fala português, mas gostaria da tua ajuda antes que machuque as costas.” She said to them. Sirius wasn’t sure what she’d said, but he assumed that it was an agreement because the two men picked up the first of the mattresses and carried it inside for him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thanks.” He mumbled to Adriana. Forget Harry getting Portuguese lessons, </span>
  <em>
    <span>he</span>
  </em>
  <span> needed some. He tipped the delivery men when they’d set the mattresses down in the bedrooms. At least they would now have something to sleep on tonight.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I need the toilet.” Harry said, tugging on Sirius’s hand. He opened the bathroom door and frowned. The walls were black with mould. That had to be the next job, it couldn’t be good for them to be breathing it all in. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Alright.” He murmured. He lifted the toilet seat and jumped back with a yell. There was a dead rat decaying in the bowl. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Can I see?” Harry asked, darting towards the toilet.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No.” Sirius said sharply. “Go next door and ask Adriana to help you. Go on, she’s in their front garden.” He said, nudging him back towards the front door. He watched Harry closely as he crossed over to next door’s house and as soon as Adriana had led him inside, he collected a bin bag from the kitchen and returned to deal with the rat. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I think I’ll call you Pete.” He muttered grimly, levitating the rat into the bag and tying it up. Hopefully Harry would have forgotten all about it by the time he returned; Sirius didn’t want to tell him that there’d been a rat in the toilet, the kid would never want to use one again. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He looked up at the mould and sighed. He supposed the humidity in Brazil didn’t help. Even if he got all of this off it would probably come back eventually. Picking up the scrubbing brush, he began to scrub at the walls. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Scourgify</span>
  </em>
  <span> would get rid of it in no time, but he didn’t want Adriana bringing Harry back and catching him using magic. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It happens in our bathroom too.” Sirius jumped at the sound of Adriana’s voice. He turned to see Harry run over to the toilet for a look, frowning when nothing seemed amiss. “I’ll see you later.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As soon as he heard the front door close again, Sirius drew his wand and pointed it at the ceiling. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Scourgify</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” He muttered, and the mould vanished.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Scogfy!” Harry shouted, and Sirius noticed that he’d brought in a stick from the garden and was waving it around like a wand. He burst out laughing, the kid was just too adorable sometimes. He really hoped he could stay out of Azkaban long enough to take Harry to Olivander’s to get a real wand. Of course, he had kept James and Lily’s, but Harry needed one of his own. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Very good.” Sirius said kissing his head and leading him back out of the bathroom. The kitchen wasn’t really in any condition to cook in. “Do you want to go out for dinner? Or are you too sleepy?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m not sleepy.” Harry protested. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’ve not had a nap.” Sirius reasoned, he was having them less and less now, and after a busy day tended to get grumpy in the early evening. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Because I’m big now.” Harry sighed exasperatedly. The corner of Sirius’s mouth twitched. He loved this kid so fucking much. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sirius knew that he was dreaming; He knew he was dreaming, but he didn’t care. Marlene was lying in bed with him, and he knew in the back of his mind that it was impossible, that she was dead, but he didn’t care. Marlene propped herself up on her elbow and brushed her blonde hair from her face. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I love you, Sirius.” She whispered. Sirius reached out and touched her cheek, her skin was soft and warm beneath his fingertips, so wonderfully, beautifully </span>
  <em>
    <span>alive</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I love you too.” He murmured. “You have no idea how much I miss you, how sorry I am that I couldn’t keep you safe.” A frown creased Marlene’s forehead. “The life we should have had.” Marlene turned her face to the door at the sound of a baby’s cry.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Would you like to meet your daughter?” She asked and Sirius felt his heart speed up, his mouth dry. </span>
  <em>
    <span>His daughter</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There was a crash outside, somewhere in the distance, and Sirius woke with a start. He let out a strangled cry, from grief or frustration, he wasn’t sure. Maybe both. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>How had it been two years? He wanted to go home. He wanted to dig up her grave, crawl into her coffin beside her. Morbidly, he wondered if she would be nothing but skeleton now. He had no idea how long that took. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He could give Harry to Remus, drop him off in the night, while his friend was sleeping. He and Marlene could be together again before Remus realised what he’d done. Moony would be furious, devastated, but he’d get over it. And Harry would still grow up loved.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Except he couldn’t. He couldn’t do that, he couldn’t abandon Harry. Sirius pulled the pillow over his face to muffle his sobs. It had been easier last year. He had told Ben a few days beforehand that it was the first anniversary of her death, and he’d shown up first thing in the morning with Pippa and the girls. They’d spent the whole day out, Ben didn’t let him stop long enough to dwell on his grief. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Today however, he was all alone with it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was supposed to get easier with time, but it wasn’t. He didn’t miss Marlene any less now… if anything, he missed her more. He would trade anything to have her back — almost anything. And he would gladly offer up his own life in exchange for hers. She would be better for Harry anyway. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sirius groaned as Harry collided with his stomach. “Time to get up.” The little boy sang happily, trying to drag the pillow away from Sirius’s face. He clutched it tighter, he was still crying and he didn’t want Harry to see. The persistent little monster began to jump up and down on the bed. Sirius wanted to tell him off, but he didn’t trust his voice. “Sirius!” Harry called, kneeling on him and pulling the pillow away with a sharp yank. “What’s matter?” He asked quietly, taking in his tear stained face. Sirius knew he must look a mess. He wiped his eyes quickly on the sleeve of his pyjama shirt and sat up.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>What was he supposed to say? </span>
  <em>
    <span>You caught me planning to abandon you? You caught me wishing that I was dead?</span>
  </em>
  <span> No, he could never admit that to Harry. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m a little bit sad today.” Sirius murmured. “I’ll get up in a minute, I promise.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wait there.” Harry said, sliding from the bed and running from the room. He returned a few minutes later. “You can cuddle Roar.” He handed over the toy and Sirius bit down hard on his bottom lip. How could he even think of ever leaving Harry? He was the sweetest person in the whole world. Sirius took the lion and hugged it as Harry clambered back up onto the bed. The kid sort of had a point, it did make him feel the slightest fraction better. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry snuggled up against him, tucking his head under Sirius’s chin and wrapping both his arms around one of Sirius’s. Apparently Harry was going to have a cuddle, whether Sirius wanted to give him one or not. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I love you.” Sirius mumbled against the little boy’s hair.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“More than Jammie Dodgers?” Harry asked hopefully, and Sirius found himself grinning despite the agony.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“More than Jammie Dodgers.” Sirius said. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m going to make you stambled eggs… </span>
  <em>
    <span>real</span>
  </em>
  <span> eggs.” Harry insisted, trying to squirm free, but Sirius gripped him tighter. That could only end in disaster. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No.” He said, a little sharper than he’d meant to. “I’ll make them for you, I’m not hungry.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why?” Harry asked as Sirius forced himself up and swung his legs out of bed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Because I’m sad.” He sighed, lifting Harry down and leading him into the kitchen.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why?” Harry asked again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Because your Auntie Marley died two years ago today.” Sirius explained, he didn’t want to lie to him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why?” Harry asked, and Sirius set the pan down a little too forcefully in frustration.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you want to know, or are you just being a little shit?” Sirius snapped before he could stop himself. Harry’s face lit up at the word.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Shit!” He shouted happily. Sirius was going to suffer for that one, he’d tried really hard to stop swearing in front of Harry.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Harry, please don’t say that word.” He sighed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why?” Harry asked. Sirius really wasn’t in the mood for this today.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s a grown up word.” He said firmly. That was a laugh, he’d swore a lot as a child… all taught to him by Andromeda. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry climbed up onto one of the chairs at the kitchen table and said, “Shit!” Sirius supposed it wasn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>that </span>
  </em>
  <span>bad, at least not now, but he’d start school and say in front of other children. Lily would be so disappointed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Harry, if you keep saying that word I’m going to get cross.” Sirius said sharply, turning to face the boy. Harry glared defiantly back at him. For a moment, Sirius thought that he was going to say it anyway, but he just sank sulkily down onto the chair, his arms folded across his chest.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Marlene would have found this whole thing hilarious. Sirius gripped the handle of the pan tightly as he stirred the eggs, and tried to swallow down the lump in his throat. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Andromeda had said that she would put down flowers. Remus would go there too, Sirius was sure of it.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sirius dished out the food, poured them each some orange juice and joined Harry at the table. They ate in silence; Harry still sulking and Sirius lost in his own thoughts. He should really make an effort to do something with Harry today, but it was hard when all he wanted to do was crawl back into bed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The children next door were off school at the moment, so he supposed that he could ask Adriana to check if the nanny would mind looking after an extra one today… Though how could he just dump Harry whenever he wasn’t in the mood to be the parent? He’d never have done that with his own kid, he couldn’t do it to James’s. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Can I fly my broom?” Harry asked, pushing his empty plate away. Sirius jumped slightly, and nodded. The curtains were all still closed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What’s the rule?” He asked, pushing his own barely touched food around on his plate with the fork. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Stay inside.” Harry sighed exasperatedly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Good boy.” Sirius said, forcing a smile. “When you’re older, when you go to the school that me and your mummy and daddy went to, you’ll be able to fly outside all the time. But for now it’s like my magic, it has to stay a secret.” He didn’t think Harry was listening however, he’d already slid out of his chair and started running to his bedroom to collect his broom. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sirius gave up on mustering up any sort of appetite, tipped his breakfast into the bin and washed up his and Harry’s plates by hand, hoping that it would provide some sort of distraction. It didn’t. He knew he shouldn’t be </span>
  <em>
    <span>too</span>
  </em>
  <span> hard on himself; James wouldn’t be handling today much better. Marlene was his sister… His sister in every way that mattered at any rate. The three months that James had spent without Marley must have been unbearable for him. James would understand why today was so hard for Sirius, he would understand why he was useless for Harry today… </span>
  <em>
    <span>surely, he would understand</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Forgive me, mate.” He mumbled. He supposed it needed to join the long list of things he wanted James to forgive him for… If there was any sort of afterlife where such things were possible. Sirius quickly blinked away tears, took a few steadying breaths, and went to keep an eye on Harry. While it was increasingly unlikely that the little boy was going to fall off and injure himself — he’d gotten very, very good on that toy broom — there was still a chance that he’d crash into something. He still fondly remembered the letter Lily had sent him about Harry breaking that vase Petunia had given her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I saw Remus at the cemetery.” Andromeda said. “He said he’s written to you, I take it the owl hasn’t gotten there yet?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, not yet, it has a little further to travel again now.” Sirius said, running his hand gently over Harry’s back. He’d fallen asleep, and Sirius wasn’t sure if he’d be able to put him to bed without waking him up. The little boy had been extra clingy today, he wondered if it was because he knew that Sirius was so sad. “How is he?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He’s okay, misses you a bit I think.” Andromeda said. “Don’t let that make you feel like you have to come back here, mind.” She added quickly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You don’t miss me?” Sirius teased.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll miss you a lot more when you’re in Azkaban.” She muttered. Sirius smiled, she was worried about him. It was nice, there were so few people left who cared about him. “Forget Remus, how are </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m fine.” Sirius lied. Of course he wasn’t fine. Though he supposed that he’d made it through the day without throwing himself under a bus, so that was something. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sirius.” Andromeda sighed, shaking her head. Why had she bothered asking if she already knew the answer? </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m not, I miss her so much. It’s supposed to be getting easier but it just isn’t.” Sirius mumbled. “None of this is any easier.” He had lost so much, so many people. His life was being uprooted constantly. Life was never supposed to be like this. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry.” Andromeda murmured; it sat between them for a while, not helping. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know you are.” Sirius shrugged, trying to search around for another topic. “Ted and Dora doing alright?” He asked, half-heartedly. It wasn’t that he didn’t care about the answer, but it was hard to muster up enthusiasm when he was wallowing in self pity. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“They’re great. It’s hitting me a little bit that Dora will start Hogwarts next year. I can’t believe how fast the time has gone.” Andromeda said wistfully.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I suppose I should make the most of Harry while he’s small. Azkaban will be very quiet for me when he goes off to Hogwarts.” Sirius grinned. Andromeda’s face fell into a look of irritation, but this only made him smile more at his apparent success in winding her up.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s not funny.” She muttered. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll let you get to bed, it’s late there for you. Don’t worry about me, I’ll be alright.” Sirius said, not knowing if he would be or not; it didn’t feel like he would.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Goodnight.” Andromeda said, though she still looked worried. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Night.” Sirius smiled, before putting the mirror back in the bedside table draw and letting the smile fall. “I’ll be okay.” He whispered firmly, rubbing a hand softly over Harry’s back. Maybe if he said it often and forcefully enough, he could make it true. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry settled into life in Gravatai far easier than Sirius had, he was picking up Portuguese quicker too. Adriana was giving them lessons in the evenings and Harry had put him to shame; the boy could count to ten in the language, say ‘hello’, ‘goodbye’, ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ by the time his third birthday rolled around. As they entered Brazil’s summer months, he even had a grasp of basic questions.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sirius noticed that Harry was thriving with the company of Caroline’s three children in much the same way he had with the Jones girls. He doubted very much he would be able to willingly give Harry up now, but he couldn’t help but wonder if maybe he would have been better off raised by the Dursleys, in the company of their son, a constant companion for him. It was too late now, of course, Sirius was too attached — selfishly maybe — but the thought nestled itself in his gut and kept him awake at night from time to time. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sirius let his own birthday pass without much fuss, Remus wrote to him, he spoke to Andromeda, Ted and Dora — the latter had talked Harry through making a card again, which was very sweet of her. As November progressed, Sirius realised that Christmas here was going to be almost as hot, if not more,  than Christmas in Sydney. They definitely wouldn’t have the snowy Christmas morning they’d had last year. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sirius set his coffee down on the veranda table and watched as Harry ran around with Lucas and his friends. He’d been a little worried about playing in the road, but it was so rare that cars used this street. His main concern was that it would give Harry bad habits. When they returned home, he doubted that they’d live anywhere that he could play in the street like that. Then, maybe some cottage in the middle of nowhere would be the safest bet to remain hidden. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Chuta a bola, Harry!” Lucas shouted, as the football they were playing with rolled to Harry’s feet. Sirius grinned as Harry swung his leg back and kicked the ball to Lucas. Lily would be so proud of him… Possibly less so at the green and yellow Brazilian football shirt he was wearing — it was so big on him that it looked more like a dress, although  it was really rather adorable. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Good morning.” Caroline yawned, closing her garden gate behind her, shopping bags in hand. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Bom dia.” Sirius said, sure that he had gotten that one right. Caroline grinned tiredly. “Just finished work?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, night shift at the hospital. I don’t have them too often though.” She shrugged. “How’s the house coming along?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s getting there, slowly.” Sirius said, though this wasn’t really true. He’d actually repaired all the major issues — not that he was going to tell her that just yet — the rest was really cosmetic. He didn’t want to fix it up too quickly, people would start asking questions. “I’m going to fit new cabinet doors in the kitchen today, the old ones were pretty battered.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hideous too, that whole kitchen could do with ripping out and replacing, if you’re up for it?” Caroline asked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, absolutely.” Sirius said, it would be easy, he just had to make sure he didn’t make it look easy. He could hardly go next door that evening and tell them that he’d done it. It surely took Muggles much longer than that. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Não, Eloísa, volta para dentro!” Lucas shouted as the little girl ran out of the front garden and into the road to join in their game. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Let her play with you, Lucas!” Caroline called out to them.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But Mãe!” Lucas protested. “She’s a girl! Girls aren’t supposed to like soccer!” Lucas then looked to Sirius as though hoping to get confirmation for this.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know, kid. Harry’s mum loved football. I was the one that didn’t like it.” This wasn’t strictly true, it wasn’t that he didn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>like</span>
  </em>
  <span> it, it was just that he never really gave much thought to it. Lucas looked mortally offended that Sirius hadn’t agreed with him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Let your sister play.” Caroline said with a tired finality that wasn’t to be argued with. Lucas huffed and kicked the ball in Eloísa’s general direction. “I’m going to get a few hours of sleep, I’ll see you later.” She added to Sirius before disappearing into her house.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sirius went back inside to fetch the two notebooks he’d bought yesterday. He’d cast a Protean charm on them that morning, with some considerable difficulty. It wasn’t the easiest spell to cast and he hadn’t brought </span>
  <em>
    <span>The Standard Book of Spells Grade Seven</span>
  </em>
  <span> with him on the run — out of arrogant foolishness more than anything else — to brush up on it. James wouldn’t have had any trouble. Sirius’s heart ached for his friend. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He wanted an easier way to communicate with Remus as he’d given Andromeda the other mirror, and there was enough Muggle stuff in Remus’s house that a notebook would just blend in if the ministry searched it. Sirius returned to the veranda and settled down to watch the children, he hadn’t quite worked up the courage to let Harry play out here unsupervised. Caroline insisted that it was safe, and the parents of Lucas’s friends didn’t seem to mind, but Harry was just so little, it didn’t seem right to let him be supervised by other children — maybe Adriana, but Lucas was only nine, and his friends didn’t look much older than that either. He’d warned Harry not to go into the forest at the end of the road — Sirius recognised the irony — and Harry seemed to be listening to him, stopping just short of the trees when the other children played just out of sight. Though Sirius wasn’t sure how much longer he’d be content to miss out on exploring, he was James’s son after all. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sirius turned his attention back to the notebooks; opening them both he wrote ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>test</span>
  </em>
  <span>’ on the first page of one and crossed his fingers. To his relief the word appeared on the first page of the other. He tried it the other way around to make sure that Remus would be able to write back, before writing in his notebook:</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Dear Remus,</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Sorry I’ve taken so long to reply but I’ve come up with a better solution than posting letter back and forth and having to wait a while for a reply (not to mention those poor owls having to fly so far). This is one of two notebooks, anything that I write in mine will show up in yours and vice versa — at least I hope distance isn’t a factor in the Protean charm. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>How are you? </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Thank you for the birthday card. It was a quiet affair, I wouldn’t have bothered celebrating it at all, but Dromeda would never let me hear the end of it if I didn’t at least pretend to celebrate. If November is anything to go by, we’ll be having a hot December again this year, and it’s not something I can get on board with if I’m honest; I miss Christmas at Hogwarts with all that snow. Harry’s doing brilliantly, learning another language — I won’t tell you which, it’ll narrow down where we are too much — and is learning to play football from the neighbourhood children. Lily would be so thrilled… James less so, I imagine.  </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Write in your notebook as soon as you get it so that I know it works.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Love,</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Sirius </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sirius returned inside, wrapped Remus’s notebook in brown paper, and tied it to the leg of the owl that Remus had sent his birthday card with. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“At least you’ve had a long rest.” He told it, lifting it to his shoulder and crossing through the house and out to the very small back garden — he didn’t want to take the owl out front and attract the attention of all the local kids when they weren’t exactly diurnal animals. “But, another long journey now, I’m afraid. Think you can take the parcel back to Lupin?” The tawny bird let out a hoot far louder than Sirius would have preferred, extended its wings and took off into the morning sunlight. Sirius watched it go for a moment before heading back round to the front of the house. Harry was still playing happily; maybe he did worry too much about him…</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Remus’s reply came a couple of days later. After the owl had been gone a day, Sirius had taken to checking the notebook every few hours; he had no idea how long it would take for the bird to return to England, and he was dying to find out if the spell had worked. He had just finished giving Harry his shower — he really needed to fit a bath — when he stopped on the way to the boy’s bedroom to flip open the book. He spotted the fresh writing in Moony’s hand instantly and carried the book, and Harry into the room. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t want ‘jamas.” Harry protested as Sirius dried his hair with the towel.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You don’t want to put your pyjamas on?” Sirius asked. “Why not?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I want my football top.” Harry said. Sirius repressed a sigh, if he let him put that on it would take even longer to put him down for bed, he’d assume he’d be allowed to go play with Lucas. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, it needs washing and you’re nice and clean now.” Sirius explained, though this wasn’t the real reason. “Come on, put your pyjamas on and we can see what Uncle Moony has written to us.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry seemed to consider this rather thoroughly for a moment before he allowed Sirius to help him into his favourite pyjamas without much resistance. He settled Harry down on the bed, sat down beside him, and began to read.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Dear Sirius,</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Hopefully this works, I guess I’ll find out if you write back. If it does work, this is actually one of your more brilliant ideas. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I’m plodding along, I started working at Flourish and Blotts. It’s not the greatest job in the world, but it’ll have to do for now, at least I get to be around all those books. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>You’re right, Lily would be delighted that Harry’s playing football.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Remus</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sirius couldn’t help but feel terrible for his friend. Working in Flourish and Blotts… Remus was made for better things than that. They’d all been made for greater things than the hand that they’d been dealt. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But it worked, the spell had worked! He could write to Remus whenever he wanted. He no longer had to be isolated from his one remaining friend. He’d write back when he’d gotten Harry off to sleep. “How about a bedtime story?” Sirius asked, the weight on his shoulders feeling ever so slightly lighter. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Bambi</span>
  </em>
  <span>!” Harry said excitedly. Even that couldn’t bring Sirius down right now, so he drew his wand and summoned the book from where it had been left on the bedside table. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Bambi came into the world in the middle of a forest thicket.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” He read aloud, though honestly he’d read it to the little boy so many times that he probably knew it by heart. Harry liked looking at the pictures, however. He still, every time they reached the page where Bambi’s father appeared, pointed to the stag and called him ‘Pogs’. Sirius’s heart ached. What he’d give to go back and fix things, to make them right. To protect James and Lily. To protect Marlene… to protect his unborn child. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It wasn’t fair, and he wished that he could go back and set things right. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>At least there was no danger of Harry calling Bambi’s mum ‘Evans’. A chuckle spilled from Sirius’s lips at the thought. He didn’t understand why, it wasn’t funny. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What?” Harry asked curiously, but Sirius shook his head.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nothing, sorry.” He said and continued to read. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Later that night he wrote about that to Remus in his reply, and mused with vague curiosity whether he was going mad. He shouldn’t be all that surprised if he was; if Sirius was honest with himself, he was amazed that he had kept it together so long.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Life became far more pleasant now that he could regularly correspond with Remus. He minded less that his Portuguese was terrible, it was less isolating now that he had added another person that he could communicate with in English. Caroline and the children were always happy to talk to him, but the rest of his neighbours could speak about as much English as he could speak Portuguese. Even Harry would come inside from playing with the other kids and talk to him in Portuguese. Sirius had to remind him to switch back. It was remarkable how quickly he was picking it up. Maybe it was his age. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The weather cooled somewhat around Harry’s fourth birthday… The neighbours had been wrapping up warm for months, but Sirius didn’t feel it until the end of July. And even then, he only really found it cold at night. Shortly after his fourth birthday, Harry ran into the room where Sirius and Caroline were talking.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s wobbling!” He said, though the words were slightly muffled by the finger he was using to demonstrate. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Excelente!” Caroline beamed. “If you’re good, the Tooth Fairy might visit you when it falls out.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Who’s tha—” Harry asked, but Sirius — despite being curious himself, because what did Caroline know about fairies? — cut him off, he had more pressing concerns.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Isn’t he a little young to be losing teeth?” He asked quickly. He couldn’t remember losing his own first one, but surely it had been older than four! </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s on the younger end, but it’s nothing to worry about. Lucas was four when he lost his first one, but Adriana didn’t start losing teeth until she was seven.” She shrugged.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mãe! We’re going.” Adriana called, appearing in the entrance to Sirius’s living room, Lucas and Elosía trailing behind her. They were all dressed for school, their bags on their shoulders. Harry’s eyes lit up, he’d come to recognise this as their going to school attire. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I want to go.” Harry said, tugging on the bottom of Sirius’s shirt, he’d been requesting as much for a while now, but children started school a little later here than they did in Britain. Maybe he should see if there was some sort pre-school he could enrol him in… Then again, they would have to return to England soon, it was almost time for Harry to start primary school. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Not just yet, sweetheart.” Sirius said, smoothing a hand over his hair. He’d been saying that a lot lately.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span> “Right, I need to get going too or I’ll be late for work.” Caroline said. She bid them goodbye and ushered her three children from his house, leaving Sirius to his thoughts and unanswered questions about the tooth fairy.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Who’s the Toof Fairy?” Harry asked him, climbing up onto the arm then the back of the sofa. Sirius wrapped his arm around his waist and lifted him back down. The kid was a little monkey. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know.” Sirius admitted, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them </span>
  </em>
  <span>hadn’t been particularly high on the list of things to pack when he’d gone on the run. “I’ll ask Moony, he paid more attention in Care of Magical Creatures than I did… He paid more attention in every lesson than I did.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sirius sat down at the dining room table, pulled the notebook and pen towards him and started to write.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Remus,</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I have a magical creature question and I can hardly write to Professor Kettleburn or Hagrid. Harry’s got a wobbly tooth and one of the neighbours said the tooth fairy might visit him. What the fuck is that, and should I be sealing the house against magical creatures? </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>The neighbour is a Muggle, but the Muggles know about Unicorns and Dragons, they just don’t think they’re real. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Hope you’re well, </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Sirius</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He left the notebook open so he’d be able to see when Remus replied and went back to the living room to lift Harry back down from the sofa. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Stop climbing on there.” He sighed exasperatedly. “You’ll fall and hurt yourself.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He had to wait until late that afternoon for Remus’s reply, and he felt immensely stupid after reading it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Sirius,</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>If only you could see how much I was laughing right now. Honestly, I was having a bad day and this really cheered me up. There’s no such thing as the Tooth Fairy, you don’t need to worry. She’s a story Muggles tell their children, like Father Christmas. When a child’s tooth falls out, their parents tell them that if they put it under their pillow, the Tooth Fairy will come and replace it with money. It’s the parents, of course. A pound coin, or whatever the equivalent is where you are, or a few sickles if you haven’t changed it all to Muggle currency. My Mum used to do it, and I imagine Lily’s parents did too. It might be a nice little Muggle tradition for Harry to take part in.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>If you weren’t on the run I would absolutely have just let you write to Hagrid asking, would have been hilarious. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Remus.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He supposed it would be nice for Harry to believe in the Tooth Fairy, especially if Sirius was going to put him in a Muggle school. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, that explains it then, Harry.” He said, joining the little boy once more. “When your tooth falls out, we’ll put it under your pillow and maybe the Tooth Fairy will bring you a present.” Harry’s face lit up and he reached into his mouth to wobble it again. “Don’t force it, it’ll fall out by itself.” Sirius said, it was making him feel a little queasy to watch. He looked out of the window at the sound of laughter, and saw children playing in the street, the school day must have finished. “Go and play outside.” Sirius said, nudging his godson towards the front door. Hopefully it would distract him from pulling out his own tooth.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay!” Harry beamed, sitting down to pull on his trainers. Sirius watched as he fastened the velcro; he’d have to teach him to tie shoe laces at some point. Harry hurried outside to join Lucas and the other boys. Sirius had slowly started giving Harry a bit more freedom, as long as he stayed between the end of this street and the edge of the forest, and didn’t go in anyone’s house without telling Sirius where he was going, he could play outside unsupervised.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sirius watched them for a while before leaving the front door ajar and returning to the living room to tidy up; it was amazing how much mess Harry seemed to be able to generate in a day. It was quiet without him causing chaos, and while he’d miss the chaos if it was for any considerable time, it was nice to have a few hours to himself. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The silence was punctuated by footfall storming up the veranda steps and a little boy that Sirius vaguely recognised, and Lucas burst in through the front door.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sr. McKinnon! Vem rápido! Tem uma baita cobra!” The little boy shouted. Sirius looked blankly at him before looking to Lucas for the translation. He might not understand what he said, but he could hear the panic.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Harry’s talking to a really big snake in the forest! It looks like it could eat him!” Lucas said. Sirius didn’t hang around to find out if Lucas was exaggerating about the size of the snake. He seized his wand from the coffee table and bolted past the two boys. As he ran down the street, he could just about make Harry out on the edge of the trees — he supposed he should be grateful that he’d kept his word and not entered — the other children were in retreat, some running to the safety of their homes, others lingering slightly to watch. Every footfall brought up dust from the dirt road, it was taking too long. He should have apparated. What did it matter who saw him?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The snake was enormous. Hanging over Harry from the branch of a tree, its thick body was an unpleasant shade of brown and it had to be twelve foot long. Lucas was right: it looked like it could eat him. The beast was hissing at Harry, and Harry was hissing back.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Get away from him!” Sirius bellowed, dragging Harry away from the beast. Harry let out a little scream of rage and rounded on Sirius, glowering up at him. Sirius didn’t have time for this, he lifted the little boy — a harder feat than usual because he was struggling — and turned back towards the house. Neighbours had emerged from their homes to see what was going on, the children that Harry had been playing with eyed him with what might have been fear, Sirius wasn’t sure. They were whispering to each other in Portuguese as they passed, running back into their houses… He’d never be able to modify all their memories before word started to spread. How long had they watched Harry talking to the snake before he’d got there.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That was my friend!” Harry screamed over and over as Sirius carried him back to the house and dropped him down on the sofa. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It wasn’t your friend, it was a filthy great serpent.” Sirius snapped, slamming the door behind them and going from room to room to make sure all the windows were shut. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“She was my friend! I called her Marley! She told me that she would be my friend!” Harry shouted, standing up on the cushions, his little fists clenched. Sirius grit his teeth. Marlene would have </span>
  <em>
    <span>hated </span>
  </em>
  <span>that. </span>
  <em>
    <span>He</span>
  </em>
  <span> hated that. Harry wouldn’t have intended it to be offensive, but Marlene would have found it incredibly insulting that Harry named a snake after her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Don’t</span>
  </em>
  <span> call it that.” Sirius muttered. “Wait… what do you mean she </span>
  <em>
    <span>told</span>
  </em>
  <span> you that she would be your friend?” He asked, actually stopping what he was doing this time. He had seen them hissing away at each other but he had just thought Harry was mimicking the noises. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We were talking. She lives in the trees and likes to eat osseslots if she can find them and—”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ocelots?” Sirius asked faintly. Unless Harry had imagined this conversation — which he supposed was possible but doubtful, ocelot was unlikely to be in his vocabulary — then the little boy was a Parselmouth.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>James had bragged about how brilliant his baby was, but Sirius highly doubted that this was what he’d had in mind.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Despite Harry’s sulking and protestations that night, Sirius had assumed that they had seen the last of the snake. He was wrong. The following morning, he went into Harry’s bedroom to find him sitting on the end of the bed, hissing away to the damn thing. His bedroom window was open, he must have opened it to let </span>
  <em>
    <span>it</span>
  </em>
  <span> in — Sirius hadn’t known he even knew how to open the latch, then again, it wouldn’t have been the first time Harry had opened a lock. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He seized Harry around the waist and carried him from the house as the little boy kicked out at him. “I told you to leave that snake alone! It’s probably getting ready to eat you at any moment.” He snapped, setting Harry down in the front garden. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“She wouldn’t!” Harry shouted back. “She’s my friend!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Harry, you can’t be friends with a snake.” He sighed exasperatedly. “Look, it’s Saturday morning, go and play with your actual friends.” He nodded to the boys playing in the street.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Everything okay?” Caroline asked, looking over the fence that separated their two front gardens. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, there’s a massive snake in Harry’s bedroom and he's—” Sirius broke off before he could say ‘being a brat,’ “—he wants to keep it as a pet.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The same one Lucas saw yesterday?” Caroline frowned.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know.” Sirius said. The truth was he didn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>know</span>
  </em>
  <span>, but Harry seemed to think it was and the boy was probably right, he was the one that could talk to it, after all. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hang on, I think Luiz has a… um facão in the garage.” She said, before disapproving back inside. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“A what?” Sirius murmured to Harry, but the little boy didn’t seem to know the translation either. A few moments later, Caroline returned holding a machete. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Well</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Sirius thought dryly, </span>
  <em>
    <span>that clears that up</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No!” Harry screamed, and Sirius felt for him. Harry had grown attached to the monster. Sirius couldn’t let Caroline kill it, unfortunately.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s alright, Caroline.” Sirius said quickly, as Harry dashed back into the house. “I’ll get rid of it.” Caroline shrugged as if to say 'suit yourself', and Sirius hurried after his godson. On his way to Harry’s bedroom, Sirius grabbed a duvet cover from the cupboard, unfolding it as he went.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was unnerving seeing Harry sat on the floor hissing away.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Harry, I want you to tell it to slither into the duvet cover.” Sirius said, holding it open. “Please.” He added for good measure. He doubted Harry would tell the thing to go back to the forest even if he asked nicely. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No.” Harry said defiantly, petting the snake’s large, scaly head.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Harry, I’m not going to hurt it, but it can’t stay in the house. Either I get rid of it or Caroline does.” He warned. Harry glared at him for a moment before seeming to concede defeat. He turned back to the snake and started hissing once more. The creature looked at him for a moment and slithered placidly into the duvet cover. Sirius shook his head at Harry incredulously; knowing his luck, he’d end up in Slytherin. James would be raging. Sirius scrunched the mouth of the bag closed and dragged it towards the front door.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sirius!” Harry called out, panicked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Relax, it won’t hurt her.” He insisted as he dragged the cover out of the house and down the street towards the trees. It wasn’t an easy feat, the thing weighed far more than Harry did. In hindsight, he should have cast a charm to make it lighter; he was attracting the attention of the neighbours. Once he was hidden in the trees, Sirius drew his wand — checking to make sure none of the local children had followed him out of curiosity — and tipped out the duvet cover. The snake gave an affronted hiss and Sirius muttered ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>confundo</span>
  </em>
  <span>’. It’s head swayed slightly and it slithered off into the trees. That should keep it away from Harry for a while. Stowing his wand, Sirius folded up the fabric and returned to the street. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I want to keep her.” Harry whined when Sirius reentered the house. “She’s friendly.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Harry, for the last time, </span>
  <em>
    <span>no</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” Sirius sighed, slumping down onto the sofa and pinching the bridge of his nose. “I don’t care how friendly you think it is, it could attack you at any second.” Sure, the boy seemed to have some control over the snake, it seemed to readily do his bidding, but Sirius wasn’t sure how far that extended. He wasn’t willing to risk Harry’s life on it. “Go and play outside.” He said, crossing to the kitchen to make himself a coffee. The boy watched him grumpily for a moment before leaving through the front door.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sirius took his coffee cup and went to sit out on the veranda to watch the children. It took him a few moments to notice that something unusual was happening. Every time Harry got close to where the other boys were kicking the football back and forth, they moved away. Lucas looked from Harry to the others and began to shout at them rapidly in Portuguese. Sirius frowned, getting to his feet. The commotion also seemed to have attracted the attention of the woman opposite.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“João, entra agora mesmo! Eu já te disse pra não brincar com aquele menino! Todos vocês, pra dentro!” She called. João hurried back to his house, slipped beneath his mother’s arm, and out of sight. The other children dispersed too and even from afar, Sirius could see that Harry’s bottom lip was starting to tremble. What on earth was going on? Lucas took Harry’s hand and led him back to Sirius’s front garden. Harry flung his arms around Sirius’s legs, his irritation at his godfather apparently forgotten.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Lucas, what the hell is going on?” Sirius demanded, brushing his hand comfortingly over Harry’s head. “And what were you arguing about?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Lucas hesitated, looking between Harry and Sirius, seeming to decide what and how much to tell him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Go inside and help yourself to some biscuits.” Sirius said gently to Harry, unhooking the boys arms and nudging him back towards the house.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“They think he was talking to the snake.” Lucas said, with a roll of his eyes. “I tried to tell them that he was just doing an impression but they’re scared to play with him. And then they went and told their parents, and they don’t want them playing with him either; they think he’s a demônio… Demon. Pai says that they’re all mad. I think he’s right.” He added, nodding his head knowingly. Sirius would have found Lucas’s tone amusing if he wasn’t so livid at what he’d just heard.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thanks for telling me.” He murmured. Lucas bid him goodbye and Sirius returned to the house, watching Harry sitting cross-legged on the living room floor, watching the television with the packet of biscuits open on his lap. He was the sweetest little boy, and the neighbours thought he was some sort of demon… Okay, so Sirius had occasionally thought it himself when the boy had tantrums as a toddler, but it wasn’t even remotely the same thing. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Maybe it was time to think about leaving. Harry would start school soon, they could start afresh back in Britain. Not tonight though.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What would you like for dinner?” He asked Harry. “If you haven’t filled up on biscuits, that is.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Pasta, please!” Harry said, looking round at Sirius.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sirius hadn’t let Harry out the following day, he’d kept him occupied with indoor games and magic, and Adriana had come over after she’d finished school to give him his weekly Portuguese lesson. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He’d been relieved that Harry hadn’t asked for the snake all day, however when Sirius went to check on him before he went to bed himself, the serpent was curled up at the end of the little boy's bed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“For fuck’s sake.” Sirius growled. This was getting ridiculous now; maybe he should have just let Caroline kill it. Sirius drew his wand. The snake was watching him, he was sure, ready to strike. He’d promised Harry that he wouldn’t hurt it and he’d keep his word. Even if he hadn’t, however, he didn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>want </span>
  </em>
  <span>to hurt animals… Maybe Wormtail, but that was a completely different story. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sirius waved his wand through the air and transfigured the snake into a large tree branch. He wasn’t about to wake Harry and ask him to tell the snake to cooperate. Shouldering the branch he stepped into his shoes, locked the front door behind him, and set off towards the forest. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Leave Harry alone.” He snarled to the branch. It probably wouldn’t be able to comprehend what he was saying, even if it wasn’t currently transfigured. Sirius went in a little deeper this time, and threw the branch as though it were a javelin. It wouldn’t harm it, and the spell wasn’t permanent. They would leave tomorrow, he’d mentioned it to Caroline that evening, and he wouldn’t have to be bothered by snakes again. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sirius returned to the house and tucked Harry in, placing a kiss on his forehead. “What am I going to do with you?” He sighed. Getting up, he closed and locked the window once more, before heading off to bed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Look, we’re going back to Britain, we can see Dromeda, and Dora. That’ll be good, won’t it?” Sirius asked, trying to keep his voice calm despite the rising panic at the thought. He didn’t know if it was safe yet, but they couldn’t stay here. They would lay low in the tent for a while, until he got a feel for the atmosphere. He did a quick scan around the house to make sure that he had packed everything important, triple checked that he had Roar, and took Harry — who had been sniffling and complaining about not wanting to go — tightly by the hand. “Come on, let’s go and say goodbye.” He said, leading him from the house and around to Caroline’s front door. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s open!” Caroline called when he knocked. The three children and their parents were gathered in the living room. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, this is it.” Sirius said, holding out the keys for her to take. “The house is all fixed up, ready for your dad to move in when you can convince him to leave his bakery… Thank you for everything.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It was no trouble, and you saved us the effort of finding builders and decorators.” Caroline smiled. “Don’t cry, Harry.” She added, looking at his still red eyes. “Lucas, give him his present.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Lucas picked a gift bag off of the table and handed it to Harry. “It’s a cassette player, some tapes, and books all in Portuguese so you can practise the language.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What do you say?” Sirius coaxed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Obrigado.” Harry sniffed.   </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We’re going to miss you.” Sirius said, and they bid a final goodbye to their friends and he led Harry to the car.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you want to sit in the front?” He asked as he threw the bag in the back. Harry nodded and Sirius helped him in, buckling the boy’s seatbelt. Sirius crossed around to the drivers side, started the car and sped off. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Can we take Marley with us?” Harry asked. Sirius grit his teeth once more.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t call it that.” He muttered, struggling to keep his voice level. “No, we can’t take a snake on a plane.” Even if Sirius could think of a way of smuggling the stupid thing back to England in such a short amount of time, he had no intention of letting Harry have some monstrous wild animal as a pet. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But she’s my friend.” Harry whined. Sirius glanced over at him and saw his bottom lip trembling. It was going to be a long journey to the airport if Harry was crying the whole way. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s too cold in England for her. She’s used to a hot jungle. She’d get sick and die.” Sirius said, not sure if it was even true or not. “You would be taking her out of her home.” That seemed reasonable enough for Harry to understand, surely. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sirius was still struggling to grasp the fact that Harry was a Parselmouth. </span>
  <em>
    <span>What did it mean?</span>
  </em>
  <span> Voldemort had been one… As far as he knew, only the darkest of wizards had been. Not that there had been many — if there had, they’d kept it to themselves. And they’d been Slytherins. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It didn’t mean anything. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry was a sweet, kind, loving little boy. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And brave. Brave enough for Gryffindor</span>
  <span>. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you so much to my beta, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/more1weasley/profile">More1Weasley</a>, for all the help, and in this case, help with the Portuguese too! I really appreciate it!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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